My mortal eyes reveled in her radiance. Then doubt crept into my mind. “You are only a vision,” I said, “like other visions. Why should you appear to me just at this moment if you have accompanied me all my life?”
“You are in danger of binding yourself,” she explained. “Never before have you wanted to do that. Now you are ready to do so for the sake of a mortal woman, for foam and sensual pleasure. You came here to bind yourself to Aphrodite although you are the son of the storm. If you only had sufficient faith in yourself, Turms, you would know better.”
I replied stubbornly, “That woman, Arsinoe, is blood of my blood. Without her I cannot and will not live. Never before have I yearned for anything so terribly, and I am ready to bind myself to whichever goddess will give her to me for the duration of this life. I do not even ask for another life. So tempt me not, you unknown one, as fair as you are.”
“Do you really think I am beautiful?” she asked and her wings trembled. Then, angered by her own vanity, she rebuked me sharply. “Do not try to confuse me, Turms. I wish I were like those exasperating earth deities so that I might assume a woman’s body if only for a moment to box your ears. You are so wicked and so difficult to protect.”
“Then why don’t you disappear?” I demanded. “I called the goddess, not you. You are free to abandon me if you wish. I have no need of you.”
The body of light quivered with rage. Then mournfully she bowed her head and said submissively, “Let it be as you wish, Turms, but for the sake of your immortality swear that you will not bind yourself. Even without it you will get whatever you want. You will get it through your own power if you but believe in yourself. You will even get that detestable bitch Arsinoe. But do not imagine that I want to be with you when you embrace that hateful body of clay. Artemis also has appeared to you and promised you earthly riches. Let them bribe you if you wish but under no circumstances bind yourself to them. You will not be indebted to them for their gifts. Accept whatever is given to you on earth, for sacrifices are made to immortals. Remember that always.”
Her speech quickened, her wings flashed. “Turms, you are more than a human if only you will believe it. Fear nothing either here or beyond. Turms, the greatest courage is in believing oneself to be more than just a human. However tired, however dejected you are, never succumb to the temptation to bind yourself to the earth deities. Rejoice in your wicked body if you wish. It does not concern me. But do not bind yourself.”
As I listened to her convincing words I was filled with courage. I must win Arsinoe through my own strength, and the strength was in me. I had been consecrated by the thunderbolt and that consecration sufficed for my lifetime.
She read my thoughts, her body grew dazzling and her face radiant. “I must go, Turms, my own. But remember me sometimes, if only for a moment. Yearn for me even a little. You must realize why I long to enfold you in my arms when you die.”
She faded before my eyes until the marble columns were again visible through her body. But I no longer doubted her reality.
An inexpressible joy swelled through me. I raised my hand in farewell and cried, “I thank you, guardian spirit! I believe you. And I will yearn for you as I will never yearn for any mortal woman. The longer I live, the more deeply I will yearn for you. You probably are my only true love, and if you are, try to understand me. Then, in my moment of greatest longing, as I embrace a mortal woman, I will perhaps be embracing you a little, too.”
She disappeared, and I was alone again by Aphrodite’s fountain in Eryx. I laid my hand on the marble floor. It was cold to my touch and I breathed deeply. I knew that I lived and existed and that I had not merely dreamed. In the silence of the night, under the starry sky, in the threatening light of the moon’s sickle, I sat by the ancient fountain of the goddess and felt a void within me.
At that moment a door creaked, I saw a light, and a priest came toward me across the courtyard, a Phoenician lamp in his hand. He threw its beams on me, recognized my face and demanded angrily, “How have you come here and why did you awaken me in the midst of my dream, accursed stranger?”
With his arrival the poison of the goddess again crept into my blood and my passion inflamed me as though glowing threads were searing my skin.
“I came to meet her,” I said, “that priestess who appears in the temple and makes the foolish imagine that they have met the goddess.”
“What do you want of her?” the priest asked, frowning deeply.
But the frown did not frighten me. “I want her,” I declared. “The poison of the goddess came from her into my body and I cannot free myself of her.”
After he had glared at me lethally for a time the priest became disconcerted and the lamp began to tremble in his hand.
“That is blasphemy, stranger. Shall I summon the guards? I have the right to have you killed as a profaner of the temple.”
“Call the guards if you wish,” I said cheerfully. “Let them kill me. 1 am sure that it would add to the reputation of your temple.”
He looked at me suspiciously. “Who are you?”
“You should know that,” I replied arrogantly. “Didn’t the funeral pyie in the temple yard offer evidence? Didn’t you recognize me from thz storm which wiped the roofs from the houses and deposited rubbk before your temple? But you may examine me still more if you wish.”
He laughed hollowly, tossed something into the fountain with a splash and commanded, “Look into the fountain, stranger, that I may examine you.”
As he raised the lamp I leaned over the edge of the fountain. I saw expanding and contracting ripples and the reflection of the lamp in the black water. I stared into the fountain until the water grew calm, ros? and wiped my kness and asked, “What now?”
He stared at me in disbelief. “Did you really look into the fountain or were your eyes closed?”
“I saw the ripples in the water and the reflection of your lamp, that is all.”
He swung the lamp slowly back and forth. Then at last he said, “Comz with me to the temple.”
I thanked him and he walked before me, lamp in hand. The air wai so still that the flame did not even flicker. As I followed him I felt the chill of the night on my skin but my body was so hot with desire that I did not shiver. We entered the temple, he placed the lamp on the empty pedestal of the goddess and lowered himself onto a copper-legged seat.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“That woman, whatever her name is,” I replied with equal patience. “The one with the changing face. I myself call her Arsinoe because it amuses me to do so.”
“You have had a Scythian drink,” he said. “Sleep your head clear and then come back and seek forgiveness.”
“Babble as you will, old man. I want her and I shall have her. With or without the assistance of the goddess.”
The furrow between his brows deepened until it almost split his head. In the light of the Phoenician lamp he leered at me with evil eyes.
“For tonight?” he asked. “Perhaps it can be arranged if you are sufficiently rich and keep the matter to yourself. Let us agree on it. I am an old man and would avoid wrangling. Probably the goddess has touched you with madness since you can no longer answer for your deeds. How much do you offer?”
“For one night? Nothing. That I can have whenever I wish. No, old man, you don’t understand. I want her completely. I intend to take her with me and live with her until either she dies or I die.”