"You mean, if it'd keep you safe."
"The benefit cup runneth over," she says, raising an eyebrow. "If something suspicious happens to my friends, I'm supposed to report it. They'll open a file and look into it. That should be more than enough to keep him safe."
I push the crumbs on my plate into a small, neat pile. Time for some order. "Thank you, Nora. That'd be great." Looking up, I notice that she still hasn't put on her baseball cap. "That'd really mean a lot to us."
All she does is nod. Standing from her seat, she picks up her empty plate and starts to clean up.
"Leave it," I tell her. "Marlon likes my dad to do it himself. The group home's goal is self-sufficiency."
"But doesn't he--" Nora cuts herself off.
"What?"
"No, nothing. I just--" Once again, she interrupts herself. She's lived her whole life on the receiving end of this one. Fascination with dad. It's killing her to pry.
"He's mentally retarded," I offer. "And don't worry, I don't mind you asking."
She looks away, but her face is flushed red. She's blushing. So that's what it takes to rattle her. "How long has he suffered with it?" she asks.
"He doesn't 'suffer,'" I explain. "He was just born with a slower ability to learn--which means he takes a little longer with logic and other complex reasoning. The upside, though, is that he'll never lie about his emotions. It's the charm of openness. He means what he says."
"Does that mean I have small breasts?"
I laugh. "Sorry about that one. It sometimes takes its toll on some of his social skills."
"So is your mom . . . ?"
There it is--the first question everyone asks. "No, my mom was normal. At least, by my standards."
"I don't understand."
"Take another look at the wedding photo. She was a full-figured nurse with inch-thick glasses--the kind of sad, heavyset woman you never see out, because she never goes out. She just sat home and read books. Tons of books. All of them fantasies. When my dad went to the hospital with a bladder infection, she took care of him. Penis jokes aside, he adored her--couldn't get enough--kept hitting the call button on his bed so she'd come and visit. His 'butterfly' he called her. That was all she needed. For the first time, someone said she was beautiful and meant it."
"Some people would call that true love."
"No, I agree. My mom loved him for everything he was, and he loved her right back. It was never one way--slow learner doesn't mean brain dead. He's a loving, caring person and she was the one he picked. At the same time, she saw him unobscured by his disability. And the fact that she could take care of him--it's the same thing he did for her--after all those years alone . . . well, everyone wants to be wanted."
"So I guess she's the one who raised you."
Nora's careful the way she says that. What she really wants to know is: How'd I turn out so normal? "However she felt about herself, my mom always found her outlet in me. When I started reading early and asked her if we could subscribe to a newspaper, she did everything in her power to keep me going. She just couldn't believe she and my dad produced . . ." I pause. "She was so shy, she was afraid to talk to the cashier at a Kmart, but she couldn't have possibly loved--or supported me--more."
"And she did it all by herself?"
"I know you're thinking it's impossible, but it happens all the time. Didn't you see the New York Times Magazine a few weeks back? They did a whole piece on kids with mentally retarded parents. When I was younger, we had a support group of six people we met with twice a week--now they have comprehensive therapeutic programs. Other than that, we got some help from my mom's aunts and uncles, who were some Ohio wealthy-types. Too bad for us, every one of them was a jerk-off--including the ones who live around here. They tried to get her to divorce my dad, but she told them to go scratch themselves. Hearing that, they told her the same. It's one of the biggest things I respect her for. Born with everything, she went for nothing."
"And what's your twist? Born with nothing, you now want everything?"
"It's better than nothing."
She takes a long look at me, studying my features. Her short fingernails are picking at the edge of her paper plate. I have no idea what she's thinking, but I refuse to say anything. I've always believed people connect in silence. Mental digestion, someone once called it. What happens between words.
Eventually, Nora stops picking at the plate. Something clicked.
"You alright?" I ask.
She shoots me a look I've never seen before. "Do you ever mind taking care of your dad? I mean, do you ever feel like it's a burden . . . or that's it's . . . I don't know, more than you can handle?"
It's the first time I've ever heard her say something's difficult. Even as a thought, it doesn't come easy. "My mom used to tell me that there was always someone who had it much worse."
"I guess," she says. "It's just that sometimes . . . I mean, even coming out here. This place must cost you half your salary."
"Actually, it's barely over a quarter--Medicaid picks up the rest. And even if they didn't, it's not about the money. Didn't you see the way he was walking when he gave us the tour of the kitchen? Chest straight out, ear-to-ear smile. He's proud of himself here."
"And that's enough for you?"
I turn toward the swaying corn stalks in the field next door. "Nora, that's why Caroline pulled my file in the first place." Now it's out there. No regrets. Just relief.
"What're you talking about?"
"My file. We've been waiting for the FBI to clear it, but there's a reason Caroline had it."
"I thought it was the Medicaid thing--since they pay for your dad to stay here, it was a conflict of interest to let you work on the legislative overhaul."
"There's more to it than that," I say.
She doesn't flinch. It's hard to surprise someone who's seen it all. "Out with it," she says.
I lean forward and pull my sleeves up to my elbows. "It was right after I first started in the office. I had just relocated to Washington, and I still hadn't found a place for my dad. You have to understand, I didn't want to put him just anywhere--in Michigan, he had one of the best places in the state. Like this, he was out on a farm, and they made sure he was safe, and stimulated, and had a job--"
"I get the picture."
"I don't think you do. It's not like finding daycare."
"What did you do?"
"If I didn't get him in here, they would've sent him to a training center--an institution, Nora. Forget about a normal life--he'd have languished there and died."
"Tell me what you did, Michael."
I wedge my fingernails into the grooves of the wooden table. "When I first started in the Counsel's Office, I used White House stationery to contact the head of Virginia's residential services program. Three phone calls later, I made it clear that if he accepted my dad into a private group home, he--and the entire mental retardation community--'would have a friend in the White House.'"
There's a long pause after I finish. All I can do is focus on the corn stalks.
"That's it?" she asks with a laugh.
"Nora, it's a complete abuse of power. I used my position here to--"
"Yeah, you're a real monster--you cut the cafeteria line to help your mentally retarded father. Big whoop. Find me one person in America who wouldn't do the same."
"Caroline," I say flatly.
"She found out about it?"
"Of course she found out about it. She saw the letter sitting on my desk!"
"Calm down," Nora says. "She didn't report you, did she?"
I nervously shake my head. "She called me into her office, asked me a few questions about it, then sent me on my way. Told me to keep it to myself. That's why she had my file. I swear, that's the only reason."
"Michael, it's okay. You don't have to worry about--"
"If the press picks up on it--"