Some of the girls in the class made the ‘aww’ sound. I ignored them. “I know you’re scared. Hell, the thought of how I might screw this up in a million different ways scares me too. You’re right that I’ve got a shitload of junk in my past and I won’t deny that. But my past made me who I am today and I won’t apologize for that because it has helped me to survive and it has led me here, to this point. And that’s loving you.”
Tana stood up, but I was afraid to give her a chance to speak, afraid she’d tell me that it was too late. I rushed on. “You need to know that my past made me strong enough to protect the people I care about and that’s never going to change. If you think that makes me a badass or a sonofabitch or whatever you want to label me, then so be it. I’ll let out whatever fucking demon I have in me to protect you. You need to know that before you take me on.” I opened my arms. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here last night. I’m asking you to realize that I fucking love you and that will never change no matter how many times I screw up.”
Tana covered her mouth with her hands as the girls in the class started clapping. Then crying, she threaded her way past the rows of other students, and made her way to the aisle. My heart skipped a beat when she started toward me. Carefully, slowly, then running. She flung herself into my arms. I kissed her and the professor said, “Well, I guess she loves him too.”
The class erupted into laughter and the professor firmly invited us to leave his class and said for me not to come back.
Outside the classroom, I smoothed the hair away from her tear-stained face and said, “I can’t ever not love you.”
“I thought you’d made the decision last night that you didn’t want to be with me.”
I pressed her hand against my thundering heart. “That’s not possible. I want you in my bed, in my life now and in my future.”
“Future.” She smiled at that. “I always thought you saw that as a dirty word when it came to relationships.”
“Not with you.”
She gave me a look from beneath her long lashes and said shyly, “Do you want to come back to the dorm with me?”
I grinned at the lust in her eyes. Hell, yeah.
Chapter Thirty-One
TANA
I led Ryan to the dorm and though Shelby gave me a raised eyebrow as she left for her class, she didn’t say anything. I locked the door behind her and kissed Ryan hungrily, the way that I’d wanted to in the class, the way I’d longed to for months. The need for him had built in me until I’d thought I’d go crazy from wanting him.
He walked us backward, not stopping until we butted up against the wall. I arched my neck, giving his lips the access that they sought as they burned a trail across my skin. His hands gripped my ass as he lifted me up and I slid my legs around him. His erection pressed up against me and my body ached with desire for him to fill me. The softness of his lips moved down to the base of my neck and suddenly, he was still, his forehead pressing against my chest.
“What is it?” I pulled his head up to look into his beautiful eyes.
“You scare me.”
“Me?”
“How much I love you scares me. I’ve never let myself need anyone as much as I need you.”
I pressed my hands against his face. “I love you, Ryan. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever comes, we’ll work through it together. I’m your family and I always will be. For as long as you want me to be.”
He put his hand over my heart, his fingers grazing my breast. “I want forever.”
“You had that the day we met.” I smiled. “You just didn’t know it.”
He was still for a few seconds, then his shoulders relaxed. “I’ve missed you.”
“Then show me. I’m all yours.” We walked into my room and I kicked the door closed behind me, stripping off my shirt as I did. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of my breasts in the skimpy bra. He reached out and covered my breasts with his hands, scooping the flesh up and burying his face in the valley. Turning his head slightly, he nuzzled the side of each with his jaw, gently scraping his five o’clock shadow across them. I gasped.
He grinned and lifted his head. “You like that, baby?”
“I like everything you do,” I whispered.
“What about this?” He unhooked my bra and tossed it aside, then took one of my nipples into his mouth while he gently squeezed the other with his fingers. I threw my head back and whimpered.
He slid his hands down my sides and into my jeans, exploring until his fingers found their way into my panties. Sliding his finger in, he moved it in and out. “So wet for me.” He pushed another finger in and I clutched his shoulders, squirming my hips toward him.
“Take off your jeans,” he ordered.
I unfastened the button and he kept working me the entire time, running his finger over my clit and up the top of my vagina. As I started pushing my jeans down the sides of my legs, he took my clit between his thumb and middle finger and started rubbing it. I moaned and my knees buckled.
He caught me with his free hand and kept touching me with his other one. “Ryan...” My stomach clenched and a ragged scream tore from me as I came. As soon as I could think clearly, I pulled at his clothes, stripping him naked. His erection sprung free, thick and ready. I stroked my thumb across the head of him and watched his eyes glaze over. “It’s my turn to play,” I said, but Ryan picked me up and fell with me onto the bed, our mouths locked together, our legs entangled.
“Let me see your face.” I ran my fingers across his cheekbones and down to his lips. “I want to see the exact moment that you enter me and you’re mine.”
He lifted up to cover himself with a condom, then looked deep into my eyes as he moved into me. I could have wept with the rightness of it. He ran his hands up the side of my body until he reached my hips, then rocked me. “I have always been yours.” He moved slowly, driving me crazy as he dragged his erection over the most sensitive part of me. Easing almost out, he paused then plunged in and I gasped, loving the fullness, the pressure of his pelvis against mine. It was hard, hot and fast and incredibly mind blowing.
I lifted my face for his kiss and he dove into me, kissing, gently biting, and devouring me like a man starved. I gave and I took as he sped up the movements of his hips until we both tensed and exploded together. Ryan collapsed against me, then rolled off to deal with the condom.
When he came back to bed, he got beside me, pulling me on top of him.
“So the past is really over?” I pressed a kiss to his chest, tracing my tongue across his tattoos, then ran my hands across the tautness of his abdomen.
“It’s over,” he promised. “Cooper said to me once that the Southtown Brothers would always be in my blood and he’s right about that. Not because it’s what I want to be a part of or even where I plan to be but because it’s who I once was.”
“But the situation with Chanos, that was the last act? You’re not involved in anything else?”
He hesitated.
“You might as well tell me. I don’t want anything to crop up and take me by surprise.”
His gaze darkened. “I’ll tell you, but I’m not sorry for it.”
“What?”
“I went to see your father before I came up here.”
I moved off of him and clutched the sheet around my breasts. “Why would you go see my father?”
“I told him that I knew he had money in an offshore account.”
“I told you about that but he’s never admitted it. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“After I told him I knew about the money, I told him that I was harmless in spite of my rap sheet. I said I was just a guy who loved his daughter. I mentioned a few things I’d done in the past that made him need to sit down suddenly. I explained how hard it had been for your mom and how great it’d be if someone could help her out. Next thing I knew, he was shoving a check in my hand telling me he never wanted to see me again. I had no idea he was such a generous guy.”