"I want to know why you're doing this!"
"Because I don't know if I want to be married to you any- more," she says. "Isn't that obvious?"
"Okay, can't we talk about it?"
She says nothing.
"Come on," I say. "Let's take that walk-just once around the block. Unless you want to give the neighbors lots to talk about."
Julie looks around at the houses and realizes we're a specta- cle. Awkwardly, she steps toward me. I hold out my hand. She doesn't take it, but we turn together and begin a stroll down the sidewalk. I wave to the Barnett house and note the flurry of a curtain. Julie and I walk a hundred feet or so in the twilight before we say anything. At last I break the silence.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened that weekend," I tell her. "But what else could I do? Davey expected me-"
"It wasn't because you went on the hike with Davey," she says. "That was just the last straw. All of a sudden, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had to get away."
"Julie, why didn't you at least let me know where you were?"
"Listen," she says. "I went away from you so I could be alone."
Hesitantly, I ask, "So... do you want a divorce?"
"I don't know yet," she says.
"Well, when will you know?"
"Al, this has been a very mixed up time for me," she says. "I don't know what to do. I can't decide anything. My mother tells me one thing. My father tells me something else. My friends tell me something else. Everyone except me knows what I should do."
"You went off to be by yourself to make a decision that's joing to affect both of us as well as our kids. And you're listening:o everyone except the three other people whose lives are going;o be screwed up if you don't come back," I say.
"This is something I need to figure out on my own, away Tom the pressures of you three."
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"All I'm suggesting is that we talk about what's bothering you."
She sighs in exasperation and says, "Al, we've been over it a million times already!"
"Okay, look, just tell me this: are you having an affair?"
Julie stops. We have reached the corner.
She says coldly, "I think I've gone far enough with you."
I stand there for a moment as she turns and heads back toward her parents' house. I catch up with her.
I say, "Well? Are you or aren't you?"
"Of course I'm not having an affair!" she yells. "Do you think I'd be staying with my parents if I were having an affair?"
A man who is walking his dog turns and stares at us. Julie and I stride past him in stiff silence.
I whisper to Julie, "I just had to know... that's all."
"If you think I'd leave my children just to go have a fling with some stranger, you have no understanding of who I am,'' she says.
I feel as if she'd slapped my face.
"Julie, I'm sorry," I tell her. "That kind of thing sometimes happens, and I just needed to make sure of what's going on."
She slows her walk. I put my hand on her shoulder. She brushes it off.
"Al, I've been unhappy for a long time," she says. "And I'll tell you something: I feel guilty about it. I feel as though I don't have a right to be unhappy. I just know I am."
With irritation, I see we're back in front of her parents' house. The walk was too short. Ada is standing in plain view at the window. Julie and I stop. I lean against the rear fender of the Mazda.
"Why don't you pack your things and come home with me," I suggest, but she's shaking her head before I've even finished the sentence.
"No, I'm not ready to do that," she says.
"Okay, look," I say. "The choice is this: You stay away and we get a divorce. Or we get back together and struggle to make the marriage work. The longer you stay away, the more we're going to drift apart from each other and toward a divorce. And if we get a divorce, you know what's going to happen. We've seen it hap- pen over and over to our friends. Do you really want that? Come on, come home. I promise we can make it better."
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She shakes her head. "I can't, Al. I've heard too many prom- ises before."
I say, "Then you want a divorce?"
Julie says, "I told you, I don't know!"
"Okay," I say finally. "I can't make up your mind for you. Maybe it is your decision. All I can say is I want you back. I'm sure that's what the kids want too. Give me a call when you know what you want."
"That was exactly what I planned to do, Al."
I get into the Mazda and start the engine. Rolling down the window, I look up at her as she stands on the sidewalk next to the car.
"You know, I do happen to love you," I tell her.
This finally melts her. She comes to the car and leans down. Reaching through the window, I take her hand for a moment. She kisses me. Then without a word she stands up and walks away; halfway across the lawn, she breaks into a run. I watch her until she's disappeared through the door. Then I shake my head, put the car into gear, and drive away.
I'm home by ten o'clock that night . Depressed, but home . Rummaging through the refrigerator, I attempt to find dinner, but have to settle for cold spaghetti and some leftover peas. Wash- ing it down with some leftover vodka, I dine in dejection.
I'm wondering while I'm eating what I'm going to do if Julie doesn't come back. If I don't have a wife, do I start to date women again? Where would I meet them? I have a sudden vision of myself standing in the bar of the Bearington Holiday Inn, attempting to be sexy while asking strange females, "What's your sign?"
Is that my fate? My God. And anyway, do lines like that even work these days? Did they ever?
I must know somebody to go out with.
For a while, I sit there thinking of all the available women I know. Who would go out with me? Whom would I want to go out with? It doesn't take long to exhaust the list. Then one woman comes to mind. Getting up from my chair, I go to the phone and spend about five minutes staring at it.
Should I?
Nervously, I dial the number. I hang up before it rings. I stare at the phone some more. Oh, what the hell! All she can do is say no, right? I dial the number again. It rings about ten times before anyone answers.
"Hello." It's her father.
"May I speak to Julie please."
Pause. "Just a minute."
The moments pass.
"Hello?" says Julie.
"Hi, it's me."
"Al?"
I say, "Yeah, listen, I know it's late, but I just want to ask you something."
"If it has to do with getting a divorce or coming home-"
"No, no, no," I tell her. "I was just wondering if while you're making up your mind, there would be any harm in us seeing each other once in a while."
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She says, "Well... I guess not."
"Good. What are you doing Saturday night?" I ask.
There is a moment of silence as the smile forms on her face.
Amused, she asks, "Are you asking me for a date?"
"Yes, I am."
Long pause.
I say, "So would you like to go out with me?"
"Yes, I'd like that a lot," she says finally.