“I see. I suppose I would…”
“You’ll like that? Getting back to sea again?” This was a crazy conversation, but she was only whistling in the dark. I said, “I don’t think I’ll be back to sea again somehow.”
“Giving in?”
“Giving up. A different thing altogether. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life catering to the whims of wealthy passengers. I don’t include the Beresford family, father, mother and daughter.”
She smiled at this, going into the weird routine of melting the green in her eyes, the kind of smile that could have a very serious effect on the constitution of a sick man like myself, so I looked away and went on: “I’m a pretty fair mechanic and I’ve a bit of cash put away. There’s a very nice flourishing little garage down in Kent that I can take over any time I want. And Archie Macdonald there is an outstanding mechanic. We’d make a pretty fair team, I think.”
“Have you asked him yet?”
“What chance have I had?” I said irritably. “I’ve only just thought about it.”
“You’re pretty good friends, aren’t you?”
“Good enough. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Nothing, just nothing. Funny, that’s all. There’s the bo’sun — he’ll never walk properly again; nobody will want him at sea any more; he’s probably got no qualifications for any decent job on land — especially with that leg — and all of a sudden chief officer Carter gets tired of the sea and decides…”
“It’s not that way at all,” I interrupted. “You’ve got it all wrong.”
“Probably, probably,” she agreed. “I’m not very clever. But you don’t have to worry about him, anyway. Daddy told me this afternoon that he’s got a job for him.”
“Oh?” I took a chance and looked at her eyes again. “What kind of job?”
“A storeman.” “A storeman.” I know I sounded disappointed, but I’d have sounded ten times as disappointed if I had been able to take all this seriously, if I’d been able to share her belief that there was a future. “Well, it’s kind of him. Nothing wrong with a storeman, but I just don’t see Archie Macdonald as one, that’s all. Especially not in America.”
“Will you listen?” she asked sweetly. A touch of the Miss Beresford that was.
“I’m listening.”
“You’ve heard that daddy’s building a big refinery in the west of Scotland? Storage tanks, own port to take goodness knows how many tankers?”
“I’ve heard.”
“Well, that’s the place. Stores for the oil port and the refinery millions and millions of dollars of stores, daddy says, with goodness knows how many men to look after them. And your friend in charge with a dream house attached.”
“That is a very different proposition altogether. I think it sounds wonderful, Susan, just wonderful. It’s terribly kind of you.”
“Not me!” she protested. “Daddy.”
“Look at me. Say that without blushing.”
She looked at me. She blushed. With those green eyes the effect was devastating. I thought about my constitution again and looked away, and then I heard her saying: “daddy wants you to be the manager of the new oil port. So then you and the bo’sun would be in business together after all. Wouldn’t you?”
I turned slowly and stared at her. I said slowly, “Was that the job he meant when he asked me if I’d like to work for him?”
“Of course. And you didn’t give him a chance to tell you. Do you think he’d given up? He hadn’t really started. You don’t know my father. And you can’t claim I’d anything to do with it either.”
I didn’t believe her. I said, “I can’t tell you how — well, how grateful I am. It’s a terrific chance, I know and admit. If you see your father again this evening thank him very much indeed from me.”
Her eyes were shining. I’d never seen a girl’s eyes shining for me before. Not in this way.
“Then you’ll — then you’ll…”
“And tell him no.”
“And tell him…” “It’s a foolish thing to have pride, perhaps, but I’ve still got a little left.” I hadn’t meant my voice to sound so harsh; it just came out that way. “Whatever job I’ll get, I’ll get the one I found for myself, not one bought for me by a girl.” As a thumbs-down on a genuine and generous offer, I reflected bitterly, the refusal could have been more graciously phrased.
She looked at me, her face suddenly very still, said, “oh, Johnny,” in a curiously muffled voice, turned and buried her face half on the pillow, half on the sheets, her shoulders heaving, sobbing as if her heart would break.
I didn’t feel good at all. I could have walked under a five barred gate without opening it. I reached and touched her head awkwardly and said, “I’m terribly sorry, Susan. But just because I turn down…”
“It’s not that, it’s not that.” She shook her head in the pillow, voice more muffled than ever. “It was all make believe. No, not that, everything I said was true, but just for a few moments we — well, we weren’t here. We — we were away from the Campari; it was something that had nothing to do with the Campari. You — you understand.”
I stroked her hair. “Yes, Susan, I understand.” I didn’t know what she was talking about.
“It was like a dream.” I didn’t see where she came into the dream. “In the future. Away — away from this dreadful ship. And then you burst the dream and we’re back on the Campari. And no one knows what the end’s to be, except us — mummy, daddy, all of them, Carreras has them believing their lives will be spared.” She sobbed again, then said between sobs, “Oh, my dear. We’re just kidding ourselves. It’s all over. Everything’s over. Forty armed men and they’re prowling all over the ship. I saw them. Double guards everywhere — there are two outside this door. And every door locked. There’s no hope, there’s no hope. Mummy, daddy, you, me, all of us — this time tomorrow it will all be over. Miracles don’t happen any more.”
“It’s not all over, Susan.” I’d never make a salesman, I thought drearily; if I met a man dying of thirst in the Sahara I couldn’t have convinced him that water was good for him. “It’s never all over.” But that didn’t sound any better than my first attempt. I heard the creak of springs and saw Macdonald propped up on one elbow, thick black eyebrows raised in puzzlement and concern. The sound of her crying must have wakened him.
“It’s all right, Archie,” I said. “Just a bit upset, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry.” she straightened herself and turned her tearstained face in the bo’sun’s direction. Her breath was coming in the quick, short, indrawn gasps that are the aftermath of crying. “I’m terribly sorry. I woke you up. But there is no hope, is there, Mr. Macdonald?”
“‘Archie’ will do for me,” the bo’sun said gravely.
“Well, Archie.” she tried to smile at him through her tears. “I’m just a terrible coward.”
“And you spending all day with your parents and never once being able to tell them what you know? What kind of cowardice do you call that, miss?” Macdonald said reproachfully. “You’re not answering me,” she said in tearful accusation. “I am a west highlander, Miss Beresford,” Macdonald said slowly. “I have the gift of my ancestors, a black gift at times that I’d rather be without, but I have it. I can see what comes tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, not often, but at times I can. You cannot will the second sight to come, but come it does. I have seen what is to come many times in the past few years, and Mr. Carter there will tell you that I have never once been wrong.” This was the first I had ever heard of it; he was as fluent a liar as myself. “Everything is going to turn out well.”
“Do you think so, do you really think so?” there was hope in her voice now, hope in her eyes; that slow, measured speech of Macdonald’s, the rocklike steadiness of the dark eyes in that sun-weathered face, bespoke a confidence, a certainty, an unshakeable belief that was most impressive. There now, I thought, was a man who would have made a great salesman.