The traffic began to move. The bus approached but passed the stop. Damn bus was going to the garage. Jesus! The people in the queue murmured and rearranged themselves. An oul one put her shopping bag down again and sighed. Her forehead was shiny and pink and her face looked all swollen, like she was going to burst. The three models were still talking on the steps behind. They didn’t wait on buses. Behind them, the office had disappeared. It had been taken over by sky. He stared at it. For several seconds his senses were decoyed. Another suit coming out of the door brought it all back. He tried to see through the reflections on the glass. He couldn’t see a thing inside. How the hell did a building stay up if it was all glass?
The traffic was stopped again and the sun glared from a windscreen into his eyes. He stood on tiptoe and looked over the cars for the next bus. Nothing. Fucking nothing. To hell with this. He stepped out of the queue. The backs of his legs were tight from all the walking he’d done this morning. His feet seemed to be swelling up even more, pushing at his shoes by his toenails. Maybe he’d nip into a pub, have a quick pint. He put his hand into his pocket, felt the coins. Down there somewhere… The one with the sports bag stepped onto the footpath ahead of him. The handle caught him in the thigh.
“Watch where you’re bleeding going!”
“Well, sorry.”
“So you should be! You fucking iijit.”
Their eyes met. The other two were looking down at him now. The racquet guy’s brows lowered. He looked him up and down again, sneered and walked on. The bastard could go off and get into his car. A BMW probably, or whatever car these wankers thought was the cool car now. Drive off to the little woman and the 2.3 brats off in Foxrock or somewhere. Sarah. Jonathan. He imagined grabbing the racquet and breaking it across the guy’s face. Let him bleed all over that white shirt and stupid tie: that’d sort the bollicks out. He looked back over his shoulder. The three were all looking at him and grinning.
“Fuck yiz!” he shouted.
One of them threw back his head and laughed. He stopped and gave them the finger.
“Wankers!”
He didn’t care who was looking at him.
“Fuck off the lot of you!”
He walked faster. Why not, he thought, when the idea hit him: Tresses was just around the corner. What was he rushing home for anyway?
God, he was tired. A twist of dust flew up from a building site into his face. He stopped and rubbed at his eyes. Still rubbing, he went into a shop and bought a Coke. He felt around at the bottom of his pocket for the pill. Nothing. His belly ran cold. He took out all the coins and tried again. This time he found the hole in his pocket. The girl behind the counter was looking at him. He had been cursing out loud, he realized. Christ, only halfway through the day: what else could happen to him?
He put his back against the wall and felt the rage melt into that sickly, mixed-up feeling he knew so well, that mess of sorrow and comfort and injustice. The first taste of the Coke reminded him of being a kid again, when Dessie and Jer and himself were out on their bikes all day, nicking stuff from Quinn’s shop, setting up wars and forts and ambushes… He filled his mouth with Coke and swallowed it in slow gulps. The fizz stung his gums but it didn’t take away the feeling that something was pulling him down. He couldn’t think straight. He stared across the traffic and caught sight of himself in a shop window opposite. Twenty-three, and he was sliding into nowhere. He thought of the guy with the bag and the racquet: a blade, slicing him right down the side of his face, the blood pouring out of him. See the look on his face then.
He shifted against the wall and swilled more Coke. The dole, the job training for no jobs, the nixers he’d done hadn’t brought him anywhere in six years. Washing windows. Working off the milk lorries at one o’clock in the morning. Delivering coal. His best chance was to go back to dealing. It’d only be for a temporary thing, of course. He didn’t actually need to. It was only junkies needed to deal so they could use their cut straightaway. He thought about Jer. He hadn’t seen him for a couple of weeks. Maybe he’d really gone to London like he said he was going to. All those plans he had, all worked out like he was the top banana. H was thirty per cent on the streets in London, Jer had told him, twice the bang you got here. Foolproof, Jer kept telling him. He swore he could carry enough to pay everything and walk away with five hundred nicker too. As well as a couple of sessions in London, even! The memory of Jer’s laugh came to him. He’d known straightaway that Jer had been high. Jer couldn’t handle it. He, Liam Hickey, could.
He drained the can and let the fizz tear at the back of his throat. The resentment crept back into his chest. Maybe he wasn’t a goner like Jer, but still he lived at home in a crummy little room with his ma nagging him, with an oul fella who hadn’t brought wages home in ten years. He grasped the Coke can tight and crushed it. There had to be something for him. Mary only worked part-time in this place around the corner.
What if she wasn’t there now? He elbowed away from the wall and headed down the street toward Tresses.
Sting, he thought as he pushed the door open. Jases, couldn’t they do better than that? A fat guy with a buzz-cut was sitting in one of the chairs reading a magazine. Two women were getting their hair done. The woman at the counter was trying to fix a bracelet with a nail-file.
“Howiya there,” she said. “A trim, was it?”
No sign of Mary. She’d told him not to show up here. She was only in the place a couple of months, part-time.
“No, thanks. Not today.” Maybe Mary was on a break. “I was, you know, looking for someone who works here.”
“Oh, who’s that?”
Screw Sting, he thought. Screw the Amazon rain forest for that matter.
“Mary, you know?”
Buzz-cut looked up from the magazine. The receptionist glanced over at him and then back. She was still smiling but her tone had changed.
“There’s no Mary here.”
“Mary Mullen? Kind of tall. Always wears a-”
“Mary doesn’t work here,” said Buzz-cut. Dub accent, he thought, and he had that glazed look in his eyes that was telling him to get the message.
“Well, she used to, didn’t she. Three weeks ago she was working here.”
Buzz-cut opened his eyes wide.
“So?”
He stared into Buzz-cut’s eyes. Jammy Tierney, the guy who was supposed to be his friend, coming the heavy with him. The tiny hole in his pocket. Going home to be pestered by the Ma again. Knowing he’d be out again after tea looking to score. Mary hadn’t even told him she’d left this kip. Maybe she’d been in a barney with them here.
“So I came by to talk to her. Can you live with a major crisis like that?”
Buzz-cut closed the magazine and stood. He looked a damn sight bigger standing.
“Hit the trail here, brother. She doesn’t work here any more.”
The wet hair and the shampoo, the hot damp stink of hair being dried became suddenly choking.
“I was only asking. What’s the big deal? Jesus!”