He said, The blessings of God and His Holy Mother on you and yours.’
Roughly translated this means, ‘Gis a tenner.’
I’d come prepared and produced a flat half-bottle of Paddy. I wanted him oiled but aware, said, ‘Some uisce bheata?’
‘Jaysus, you re a miracle on feet and you have the gaelic too.’
‘My mother was Irish.’
‘I knew her well.’
Ben was twenty-five. The chances of him knowing her were slim to none. But, I know how to play and answered, ‘She always spoke highly of you.’
‘And me of her — Leitrim woman was she?’
‘Galway.’
‘Ah... Nora Barnacle country.’
‘Who?’
‘James Joyce’s missus.’
He probably knew her too. Every one in Galway did. The Paddy was reverentially uncorked and he drank deep and open... waited... then a thunderous shudder racked him and he croaked, That’s better now.
I watched as his eyes bulged and sweat torrented down his face. Then the eyes peaked and fell back to melancholy. He took a chaser and drew mercilessly on the cig’. We waited as the various poisons queued in his system.
Then he said, ‘You know Brady, there’s a theory that most of the world goes around asleep. Completely unaware of what’s happening. Imagine that!’
I pondered then said, ‘I’ve just come from Stockwell and can endorse it.’
He laughed.
‘Jaysus, it’s so dangerous there, the muggers travel in pairs.’
‘I know them both.’
The bottle was finished and he said, ‘Anyway, there’s maybe five hundred people in the whole world who are awake and know what?’
‘Erm... they don’t pay their TV licence?’
‘They’re gay!’
I had no reply to this. So I figured I’d best get down to business.
I asked:
‘How’d you like one hundred pounds? Buy the homeless a bit of time, if nowt else.’
‘Who’d I have to kill?’
I laid out the details.
He listened then gave me a look of total concentration, asked, ‘Is this dodgy?’
‘Course it is, that’s why you’ll be getting a wedge.’
‘Two hundred, so.’
‘Hey, Ben... I thought we were friends.’
‘Sure what’s that got to do with the price of onions?’
‘Okay.’
‘I won’t get hurt, will I? I wouldn’t want to be beaten.’
‘I give you my word, Ben.’
I was set to go when he said, more to himself:
‘Joyce was always poring through dictionaries and Nora B asked him, “Aren’t there enough words in the English language for you?” She’d a mouth on her, comes with being from Galway and he said, “Course there are, they just aren’t the right ones”.’
‘You’ve read Joyce, have you?’
‘Don’t be coddin’ me.’
17
I thought I’d swing by my home, see if anyone was keeping tabs. On foot, I cautiously approached the top of the road. An Audi swung in beside me, the window rolled down and Jack said, ‘Get in.’
He was in the driver’s seat and I slid in beside him. I said, ‘Vorst sprung dorch technic.’
It wasn’t even noon and already I was into my third language. Then I noticed two huge men in the back. As fine a pair of thugs as you’re ever likely to see. The type who run Bouncer Academe. Identical in their suits, silence and animosity.
I said, ‘Lads.’
They said nothing.
Jack kept the engine running, it made a hum of real comfort. He was wearing a mohair top coat. An ugly garment and he had leather driving gloves. You have to be some pretentious fuck to carry that off.
He said:
‘I hear you’re a poof.’
Follow that.
I asked, ‘Seen any Hackman films recently?’
Surprised him.
‘No... I watched The French Connection last Wednesday, or was it Tuesday? Why?’
‘The Birdcage, with Robin Williams... ol’ Gene gets to drag-up.’
Jack coughed and then I felt an almighty wallop on the back of my skull. It bounced my face off the dashboard and it hurt, it hurt like hell. As my vision cleared some, I turned round to eyeball Thug Number one. His expression hadn’t changed.
Jack asked, ‘When is it I get my daughter?’
‘Two days, it’s in hand.’
He tapped his teeth with a gloved finger, said, ‘I was reading up on kidnapping. The FBI’s behavioural unit have been studying the relations of victims.’
‘Quantico.’
I got another ferocious bang to the side of my head.
Jack said, ‘I told you once, don’t interrupt me. They found that once a person agrees to pay a ransom, that person has learnt something he didn’t know. That he has a price, that he can be bought. Once he realises that, he becomes a very dangerous individual. I’d like you to consider this theory. You can now speak.’
‘Why are you playing hardball. Aren’t we on the same team?’
‘Well, let’s see... Firstly because you re a queer and I don’t like queers. They’re an abomination. Secondly, I want you to know where you rate on the food chain. Do you know?’
‘I do now.’
‘Good, that’s very good. Give him the brief case.’
Thug Number Two shoved a slim attache case over the seat. I took it and Jack said:
‘Word to the wise, old son. If you’re contemplating any independent action, I’ll cut yer balls off and put them in yer mouth.’
I had a macho response to that but I kept it to myself. Two digs in the head are more than adequate. As they drove off I felt a flood of sweat cascade down my back. I wondered if Joyce had found words for that. I settled for, ‘Shite crossways.’
Back to the hotel, avoided Spiro and into my room. Threw the case on the bed and shouted, ‘I can see fucking India.’ Opened it slow, row on neat row of new crisp bills. Was there forty large?
I’d say so. Did I count it?
No. Did I ring Danny and Reed?
No. Did it make me happy
It helped.
18
You’d think that knowing lithium solved my manic depression, I’d just take it and be grateful. But it’s a constant struggle to do so. Part of me rebels against the daily task, against the idea of being medicated. There are some drawbacks too. It can play havoc with my concentration. Until the level settles, I can’t read for any length. Shakes, it brings ferocious tremors and out of the blue. You learn never to use saucers or spoons and especially not to allow anyone to hand them to you. Else you see the horror on their face as the spoon does an Irish jig. Vomiting and nausea are part of the deal. You never get used to that shit.
How many times I’d been told that changes in diet, exercise, temperature and the level went toxic? The appearance is similar to drunkenness:
slurred speech,
no co-ordination,
throwing-up
and it requires immediate medical treatment.
Most of all, I missed the high. There was an ad for the dope movie Rush a time back. It went, ‘Between the high and the buy’. No matter that the mania was frightening and lethal, I longed for its seductive beginnings. When my whole being glowed and I was smarter, sexier and supremely uplifted.
For a time I knew everything and felt everything, wanted to nail and be nailed by the world. Despite how that sonic track led only to hell and beyond, I yearned for it.
Being relatively okay and like most people is so fucking boring. There’s the trap in all its alluring madness.