He’s dying, I wanted to say. He seemed fine two days ago, or was it three days ago? I hadn’t wanted to sleep. I’d wanted to spend the night by his side, available. I’d wanted to enchant him. I had wanted so much.
I heard the key turning on the lower floor, made sure the balcony doors were closed, and descended the winding stairs to greet my father. Uncle Jihad was pouring drinks at the bar.
“Osama,” he said loudly. His eyes sparkled, and his lips broke into a delicious smile. He topped his tall scotch with water and managed to take a sip before I reached him. I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek. He wasn’t particularly tall, but at five feet four, I had to stretch to kiss practically anybody. Jolly creases appeared on his chubby face. He looked dapper in a blue suit, jacket unbuttoned, showing his distended stomach, as if he had swallowed a basketball. I heard my father moving about in his room. “Want me to make you a drink?” Uncle Jihad asked.
“I’ll take a Coke,” I said, walking toward my father’s room.
A young blonde woman stood in front of my father’s mirror applying lipstick, burgundy red, on full lips. She smiled, put her lipstick in the handbag on the dresser. “Hello,” she said, extending her hand. “I’m Melanie.” My father came out of the bathroom, zipping his pants.
I felt Uncle Jihad’s hand on my shoulder. “Here’s your Coke,” he said.
“Elvis is dead,” my father announced in Arabic. He sat on the large sofa, sipping his scotch. He was his brother’s follicular opposite: he had a full head of wavy, thick black hair that you could lose quarters in. He’d changed into brown shorts and a green Lacoste shirt — a concession to Melanie, the stranger among us. Had she not been here, he would be in boxer shorts and T-shirt.
I glanced at Melanie and hesitated before I replied in Arabic, “I know. I read about it.”
Even in Western getup, my father didn’t look American — too short, too dumpy. When I was younger, my father always wanted me to watch wrestling with him on television. Before the match began, he’d pick a wrestler to root for, and I was left with the other. He wouldn’t let me pick first, or choose the same wrestler he did. His man always won. “Pick the one who looks like a decent man,” he said. “Decent men never lose.” Since I got stuck with the eventual loser, I passed the time comparing my father, in boxers and T-shirt, with the wrestlers in tight trunks. My father had the loose calves of a sedentary man.
“I thought you’d be more upset,” he said. “Rock and roll is dead and all that.”
“I’m not upset.” My voice rose. “I don’t care if Elvis is dead. I don’t like him. He was old and fat and stupid. It’s about time he died.”
My father snorted. “We have an appointment tomorrow with the dean of engineering at UCLA.” He was still speaking in Arabic, completely ignoring Melanie, who sat across the room. “He says that admission is closed for this fall, but he was impressed with your youth and your grades.”
Melanie was reading Time magazine, pursing her lips.
“This isn’t a child’s game,” my father said. “It’s an interview that will determine your future. Do you understand that?”
“Yes, yes. I’m ready.”
“The appointment is tomorrow afternoon at three,” he said, picking up the barricading newspaper, a signal ending the conversation.
Melanie sat serenely in her chair. She looked young, couldn’t be more than twenty-three, but she had a confident manner. She was like a prettier Nancy Sinatra, with full breasts that were about to burst from her décolleté black dress. Her bleached-blond hair fell below her shoulders. Her eyebrows were plucked. I wanted to inspect them and see if they’d been shaved and drawn in with brown pencil. Her nose was dainty, her chin tiny. The most prominent aspect of her face was the makeup. Her thickly applied lipstick was too dark against her skin. Her eyeliner seemed to cover her lids, and the eye shadow was three-toned, mauve, purple, and light blue. She was the opposite of my mother, who applied her makeup judiciously. I knew Melanie was taking my measure as much as I was hers, but she was more subtle about it.
Uncle Jihad was nursing his drink. He still wore his suit, his tie slightly askew. “Why engineering?” he asked me. “You told me a month ago you wanted to study math.”
I looked at the dents and ridges of his bald head. Sweat collected in them, forming miniature pools. Every few minutes he ran his handkerchief over his scalp, momentarily reducing the sheen. Whenever he and my father went gambling, my father kissed the top of Uncle Jihad’s head for good luck.
“I like math, Uncle. It’s what I’m good at. Engineering is applied math, basically.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Of course he is,” my father interrupted from behind the paper. “He can’t make a living with a math degree.”
It was almost one in the morning, eleven in the morning Beirut time, and I had been up for more than thirty-six hours, but I wasn’t ready to sleep yet. I slumped in my chair, my mind racing. “It’s raining a lot,” I said in English, hoping to engage Melanie in conversation.
“It’s been raining all over,” Uncle Jihad said.
“This isn’t normal,” Melanie said. A smooth, melodic voice. “It’s unseasonable. The California deserts are having major floods. It even rained in Vegas.”
“Is that where you met?” I asked.
In the large bed, with the lights out, I lay thinking. My father had gone into his room with her, closing the door. The night was humid.
The dialysis machine chugalugged my father’s blood and regurgitated it back into him. Could a scene be déjà vu if it was truly repeating itself? This was another day. Salwa sat on the bed and held my father’s hand. “This won’t take long,” she told him. “Only another forty-five minutes.” My sister, on the rust recliner, leaned back and covered her eyes with her forearm. The narcoleptic technician’s head rested on his chest. I stood at the foot of the bed, counting off red time with the dialysis machine.
There was a knock on the open door. I was the only one who could see out, and my sister waved for me to send whoever it was away. A beautiful woman of indeterminate age stood in the doorway in an extravagant sable coat and stiletto heels. She wore stylish, heavy makeup, which made her face look as white and pure as a cake of halloumi. Her short bouffant hair was dyed a chestnut brown with precisely equidistant blond streaks. I recognized her after she smiled a childlike smile yet terribly saucy. I hadn’t seen her in over twenty years.
“Nisrine,” I said softly as I walked toward her. I surprised myself by using her first name. How old was she? She kissed me, cheek to cheek, three times. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go in,” I said. “He doesn’t like to be seen when he’s sick.”
She kept her hand on my cheek. “I knocked only to make sure he’s decent.” She strolled in and stopped as if she had encountered an invisible electric fence, as if she were face to face with death’s scythe. A tiny cry escaped her lips, and her face crumpled. Her first tear carved a furrow in her foundation. Nisrine’s hand went to her left eye, and her finger removed one contact lens, then the other. She cried, holding her tiny lenses in the palm of her hand as an offering to the gods of grief.
Nisrine and Jamil Sadek moved into the third floor of the building behind ours in 1967. In no time, they had established themselves as the most popular couple in the neighborhood. She was beautiful, witty, and flirtatious, and he was a delightful drunk. Few remembered she was a mother of three, for she was rarely seen with her children in public. Fewer still could help enjoying the misshapen, congenital liar she was married to. Captain Jamil was the only man in the neighborhood I was able to look down on, literally and figuratively. He was shorter than many children, but not exactly a dwarf. His huge paunch always seemed about to topple him. He canted his side hair like a sheaf over the top of his bald head. And he was no captain.