"Emily." Lexi shook me gently. "You're starting to scare me."
"I have to go," I finally said, shoving the magazine back into her hands.
"Wait." Lexi reached out to stop me, but I hurried past her, walking as fast as I could toward the front door.
The faster I got back to my apartment, packed a few clothes and left New York, the better. It was the only way. My mind was still spinning with all of the possibilities that could happen. What if he’s already here in New York? The pictures had been published for a few days. What if he’s waiting for me right now?
When I reached the elevators at the end of the hall, Lexi caught up to me. "Geez, Emily, what is it?"
My breaths were coming fast and heavy. "It's—I have to go, okay? Those pictures…" I gestured to the magazine that was still in her hands. "It's just… I thought if I was careful that it would be okay, but it's too dangerous." The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them. Her face shifted into a look of horror. Damn, I shouldn't have said anything. "Listen, Lexi, it's not a big deal. I just can't deal with all of this right now."
"Are you in some kind of trouble?" she asked, her face full of concern.
The last thing I wanted to do was burden her with my problems. It was the last thing she needed in her life.
"It's nothing I can't take care of myself." I forced a smile. "Really, I'm fine. I just need to be by myself for a little while." It was clear she didn't believe me, but I kept the smile on my face, hoping to eventually fool her. "I'll call you later, okay?" I said as the elevator doors opened.
As the doors slid closed, I refused to meet her gaze. I knew the tears were building up inside me and I knew it was only a matter of time before they erupted. Once the doors opened into the lobby, I ran out and grabbed the first cab I saw.
I was home for only a few minutes, sitting on my bed, wondering what to do, when there was a soft knock on my front door. Fear and panic hit me. It felt like someone had poured ice-cold water down my back.
Then a little voice entered my head, telling me that I was stronger than this. That I didn't have to be afraid. I could do this. I could protect myself. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t allow Jake to rule my life anymore.
Wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath, I made my way to the front door, bracing myself for what I was about to see. My heart relaxed a little when I saw Lexi standing there.
"Hi," she said when I opened the door. Her face was full of concern and confusion.
"Hey." I felt the heat hit my cheeks. I felt horrible for running out on her like I did. I couldn't imagine what she was thinking. "Would you like to come in?" I asked, opening the door farther.
She walked in and looked around my apartment. It felt weird for her to be here. No one had ever been inside my apartment. "This place fits you." She looked at me and smiled. "It's simple, clean and quiet. Just like you. I like it." Simple was right. My apartment held a couch, coffee table, and a small table with an even smaller TV on top.
"You didn't have to come, Lexi. I told you I was fine, and I am. The pictures just freaked me out a little."
She nodded. "I get it. I will understand if you don't want to tell me, but the look of fear in your eyes a few minutes ago, I know that look." She paused and swallowed hard. "It's hard to hide your feelings from someone who's experienced the same type of fear as you. I'm not sure what happened to you, Emily, but I know fear when I see it." She continued to walk around my apartment, glancing at the few things I had decorated it with. She made her way over to the couch and then looked at me. "May I sit?"
I nodded. "Sure."
She sat down and then said, "A few months after the attack, I didn't allow anyone to see me, not even Reed. I was ashamed of what happened. In my head, I felt it was my fault in some way. I felt guilty for not stopping it from happening. Foolish, right? I mean, who was I? I was just a twenty-one-year-old girl. How was I supposed to stop three men with guns? I was scared. I was in pain. I felt ugly on the inside and out. I told everyone that I just wanted to be alone. I locked myself in my condo and didn't leave. If it weren't for Reed hiring people to bring me food and clean my condo, I would have probably died up there.
“I thought if someone saw me, they were just going to look at me with pity in their eyes. They were just going to stare at my scars and see me as a victim. I hated that, so I pushed people away. I thought I could live alone, be by myself, and get through whatever I was going through. I thought time would heal everything and one day I would wake up and be normal again." She shook her head.
"I just want you to know that you can talk to me. You know that, right? I'll understand better than you think, whatever it is. And you can talk to Reed, too. He cares for you, Emily. We want to be there for you. It took me a long time to trust Brandon enough to let him in, but when I did, it helped so much."
I could feel the tears building in my chest. I wished more than anything I could tell her, tell Reed, but it was more than just getting over the fear of letting them know my secrets. My secrets could put them in danger and I couldn't do that to them.
"You've been a good friend to me. I just want to be one for you, too," she said, standing up and taking a few steps toward me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold the tears away.
"It's better for you if you stay away from me," I told her. "I don't want you to get involved… You've already been hurt enough for one lifetime."
Her face fell. "Emily, you're really freaking me out. I want to help you. Let me help you."
"You can't. You don't know what he's capable of. You don't know what he can do—what he's done." I’d kept it all in for so long and I couldn’t control it any longer. The words just spilled out of me.
"So you're running from someone?"
I nodded softly.
"Emily, you can't live in constant fear like that." She took another step closer to me. "Believe me. I know what that can do to a person."
My whole body started to shake. My heart was beating wildly. Can I tell her? Is it selfish of me to involve her? Will it put her in danger?
"Why don't you come sit with me on the couch and talk about it? We'll see how it goes."
I made my way over to the couch and then she took a seat beside me.
Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and started from the beginning. "His name is Jake Terrell. We were together for three years. The first year we were together, we were great, everything was perfect, but then he started to change. He became this person I didn't know anymore. He became controlling, violent. It was small things at first, but over time, things got worse, way worse. He wouldn't let me go anywhere without him or one of his men." I stopped and took in another breath, wondering how much to tell her.
"He hit you." She didn't ask it as a question. I opened my eyes and nodded. Tears spilled over and rolled down my cheeks.
"I tried to get away from him, but he knows people. There was always someone watching. I could never get far enough away before he would find me and drag me back."
"Emily"—she grabbed my hand—"that's awful. I wished you would've told me this sooner. It must have been horrible to have kept this inside." Then it must have hit her. "Oh no, if he sees those pictures, he'll know where you are and…" Her voice trailed off and her eyes grew wide. "Emily, you need to tell the police."