Not able to hold it back, another agonizing cry left my mouth.
"I swear to God, Emily, keep your mouth shut or I'll send Rico to kill your friend Lexi and her muscle-headed boyfriend, too."
He knew about everyone I’d gotten close to here in New York. I shouldn’t be surprised. I expected nothing less.
I swallowed my tears and took in a deep, shaky breath. I knew what he was capable of and I believed he would kill everyone I cared about.
The seconds passed as I sat there in silence, trying to go back to that numb place. Trying to forget about everything… Lexi, Brandon, Reed. I tried to push all of their faces out of my head. After a few long, torturous minutes, I could feel myself shutting down, starting to become hollow and empty.
At least, for the last few months, I tasted what life was supposed to be, what really caring for someone felt like, and what it felt like to be cared for. Now, in just a matter of seconds, Jake had taken it all away.
The guilt I was feeling made it easy to go to that dark and lonely place. If I had just kept to myself, not allowed anyone close to me, then no one would've gotten hurt. I was a curse. It took a few minutes of me repeating this over and over in my head before the nothingness began to eat away at me. I could feel myself drifting farther into a dark hole, faster with each second that passed. The pain that I felt in my chest right now—all over my body—I almost wished for Jake to kill me. Anything would be better than this torture.
"Do you have nothing to say to me?" Jake asked as I felt the car come to a stop. For a split second, the thought of opening the car door and trying to run entered my mind. Then I pictured Lexi's face and the thought immediately vanished. There was nothing I would do to put her life in danger, too. The car began to move again. I didn't even wonder where we were going. I didn't care.
"Well?" he asked, his tone harsh, bitter.
I didn't respond or look in his direction. My eyes were focused out the window, staring at the people laughing across the street, the couple walking and holding hands, the father and son hanging Christmas lights.
"You are such an ungrateful little bitch. All I've done for you, everything I've given you, and then you leave me. You put me through all this pain, and now, after I spent months searching for you, you say nothing to me."
Is he serious? Normally when he would speak to me like this, I would cower down and brace for the punishment. I would sit still and hope that whatever he wanted to do to me would be quick. Now, with everything that had happened, I felt anger. Deep-rooted, built-up hatred began to course through my veins.
This asshole, in his twisted head, actually thinks he deserves love? He thinks he deserves gratitude? He actually thinks he deserves thanks and appreciation for the way he's treated me? In the past, I knew Jake suffered from some very dark demons. I knew that he couldn't be all there in his mind, because what kind of person would treat another human being like he treated me? After hearing him talk to me just now, I knew he was more evil than I ever imagined.
Turning my head toward him and looking him directly in the eyes, I told him what I wanted to tell him every day for the past few years. "I hate you. I hated every minute of the three years of my life that I spent with you. My stomach actually felt ill every time you touched me, when you kissed me, when you told me you loved me. There was a small moment in time when I thought I loved you, but that was before I knew what kind of monster you really are. That's when I was weak and naive. That's when I didn't know what it was truly like to actually love someone. There's nothing you could ever do or say that will make me care for you or think of you as any more than a weak, cowardly, and pathetic piece of scum." I could feel my bottom lip quiver when I stopped speaking, but it wasn't from fear. It was from anger.
I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to pay for what he'd done to me. To Mike. To Reed. As I sat there and looked into his cold, dark eyes, I wanted nothing more than to squeeze the life out of them.
"Look at you." He smiled, which only increased the anger inside me. "You've gotten brave, but don't forget what I could do to you and your friends. I could've killed you days ago. I could have killed you hours ago. I could kill you right now if I wanted to. So watch what you say to me."
My eyes narrowed and I tried to mimic the cold stare he was giving me. "You can't hurt me any more than I'm hurting right now. I don't care what you do to me." I wasn't sure how, but my voice came out steady and strong.
He glared at me, pursing his lips, trying to hold back his anger.
"Don't fight it. If you're going to kill me, do it," I said even louder this time. I had already come to terms with my fate. I probably wouldn't live to see another day, but one thing was for sure; I wasn't going to go down without a fight.
"Oh, I plan on it. You just wait. Have patience, my sweet Emily. Just you wait." He sat back in his seat, looking forward.
16
EMILY
"THIS IS what you've been living in?" Jake glanced around my apartment in disgust. The more he looked around, the more confusion spread across his face.
For the life of me, I couldn't imagine why he wanted to come here. I thought we'd be on the first plane back to Vegas. The place where he knew he had power. The place where he knew people and he could get rid of me or do whatever he wanted to do to me.
"I just had to see inside this place. I wanted to see where you've been living," he said, running his hands along the kitchen counter. "You'd rather live like this, in this shithole, than with me?" He looked at me, shaking his head like I was from another planet. Like he honestly couldn't understand why I ever left him. It was difficult to believe he could be that stupid. He knew he was a monster. He had apologized to me before, many times, but then he would just hurt me again—most of the time, worse than the last.
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I felt a power grow inside me. I glared at him. "I'd rather live in the gutters with the rats than with you ever again."
His eyes grew dark as he narrowed them on me. "You've got a smart mouth, Emily. See what happens when I don't keep you in line?" He took a couple steps toward me and I took one backward, keeping the distance between us.
"Stay away from me." My voice matched my composure, steady and strong. On the inside, I was terrified. I knew he was about to hurt me or maybe even kill me. I hoped I would have the strength to save myself. The last few months, this was what I’d been preparing myself for, and I was about to put myself to the ultimate test.
My thoughts quickly drifted to Lexi. My chest shook and I almost let out a sob. I could only imagine what her reaction would be when she found out what happened to Reed. It was all my fault. I had brought this danger into their lives. They unknowingly sacrificed so much for me. So many people had. Mike gave his life for me… and Reed. I couldn't even think of him right now. I should've told him the truth from the beginning. I should've listened to Lexi when she told me to tell him. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe Reed would still be alive.
I blinked away those thoughts. The only image that continued to pop into my head was Lexi's. I wished I could be there with her when she found out. I wished I could tell her I was sorry. She lost the only person she had left. Then I wondered… Do I deserve to live when Mike and Reed didn't? Should I even put up a fight?
I could feel the battle going on inside me as Jake continued to pick me apart with his eyes, probably thinking of all the things he would do to me. Playing out in his head how he would hurt me and show me the pain he'd been feeling the past few months. I knew at any moment I could just shutdown, giving him an easier kill, but I didn't want him to see that he broke me again. I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.