I might have asked her what she was thinking, staring down at me, but the tiger flashed inside the darkness in me. No, please, no, I thought.
Soledad stared down at me. The smile slipped away from her face, and I saw something I hadn't expected for a moment: fear. I might have asked what she was afraid of, but the tiger started racing up that long dark hallway inside me. I reached up to her.
She hesitated.
Claudia said, "Do your job, Soledad."
She leaned over to take my hand, saying, "In this world I would rather live two days like a tiger than a hundred years like a sheep."
I might have asked what she was quoting, but the moment her hand touched mine, the tiger sped up. It bounded down that hallway, and I braced for the impact.
Chapter Fourteen
THE IMPACT NEVER came. The tiger hit my skin, my body, and kept going. I didn't give my beast to Soledad; it just washed out of me and into her. It didn't hurt me; it was as if all that went down my hand to hers was power. It just happened to look like a tiger. I wasn't sure that was it at all because Soledad didn't change shape. She half-collapsed around me, catching herself with her free hand so she didn't fall on top of me. Her breath came in sharp pants, as if something hurt, but I wasn't feeling it. I was just holding her hand and watching her face.
She managed to whisper, "You don't hold tiger inside you."
"I think you're right," I said. My voice still sounded hoarse from all the screaming, but at least I could talk above a whisper.
"What's wrong?" Claudia asked from behind us.
"I think Marmee Noir couldn't turn me into a tiger," I said. I kept looking at Soledad's face, though. She still looked hurt. I asked, "Are you all right?"
She nodded, but her lips were pressed in a tight, thin line. I think she was lying to me about being all right.
"I think she's hurt," I said.
Claudia knelt beside us. "Soledad, are you hurt?"
She shook her head.
"Tell me you aren't hurt," Claudia said.
Soledad just kept shaking her head. Claudia helped the other woman to her feet, and Soledad's knees wouldn't hold her. Claudia had to catch her, or she'd have fallen to the floor. Remus came on the other side of her and helped ease her to the edge of the bed. He asked, "What's wrong with her?"
"I'm not sure," Claudia said.
Soledad found her voice. "That was not a weretiger."
I tried to sit up, and Micah had to help me. Richard moved in on the other side to help me sit between them. "It was Marmee Noir," I said.
"Who?" Soledad asked.
"The Mother of All Darkness, the queen of the vampires."
"It smelled like tiger, not vampire," she said.
"Tigers are one of her animals to call," I said.
Soledad shook her head and leaned against Claudia for a moment. "All right, I admit it, I don't feel so good."
"Why didn't she bring her beast?" Nathaniel asked.
"Anita isn't a weretiger, so the tiger couldn't be as real as the rest of the beasts," Micah said.
"What do you mean?" Richard asked.
"We'd been wondering if Anita is picking up beasts because she survived attacks, or if it's vampire powers, and she'll collect animals to call as if they are types of lycanthropy. I think this answers the question. She's never been attacked by a weretiger, and Chimera didn't hold tiger as one of his shapes."
"So why try to call tiger?" Richard said. "Why not call one of the cats Anita already has?"
"I don't know," Micah said.
I had a thought. "She's been inside my head deep enough to know that I didn't think we had a tiger nearby. She said she wanted to make me hers, but if she couldn't have me, then…"
"She meant for the tiger to tear you apart," Richard said, softly.
"Or she was trying to make you a tiger from a distance," Soledad said. "I don't think she knew what would happen. I don't think she cared what would happen. The power that brushed me didn't think like a tiger."
"What did it think like?" I asked.
"A serial killer, a butcher. Tigers only hunt when they're hungry. This thing hunts because it's bored."
"Yeah," I said, "that sounds like Mommie Dark. Sorry you got a taste of her, Soledad."
She gave a weak smile. "My job to take the hits for you, right?" But she was pale, and looked as close to fainting as I thought I'd ever see one of the guards.
"Chimera might not have been a tiger," Remus said, "but he did hold hyena, snake, and bear, at least those three more. Why doesn't Anita react to them, too?"
Micah shrugged. "She's never been attacked by them. She seems to need to be bled by an animal first." He stroked his hand down my bare back. It reminded me that we were nude, but strangely because everyone else treated it like it was nothing, so could I.
Richard settled in closer to my other side, as if that one touch of Micah's made him have to touch me, too. Or maybe he was just nervous and letting himself take comfort. I looked for bad motives for Richard. I didn't mean to do it, but he'd hurt me so badly and so often that I finally realized I looked for the negative in him, not the positive. I took a deep breath in and let it out slow.
"You all right?" Remus asked, but his eyes did a slide to each side of me, as if he knew what was wrong.
I nodded, and the movement was too fast. I ached, but it was sharper than that. The pain would fade, but damn, I didn't know how the real wereanimals did it. Changing completely had to hurt worse than this in-between stuff.
Remus asked, "Do you know why you don't react to all of Chimera's animal forms?"
"Jean-Claude thinks maybe I need a vamp with that animal to call to mess with me before the beast rises."
"So a combination of the attacks you've survived and vamp powers," he said.
"Something like that," I said.
Richard moved his hand across my shoulders, drawing me in against his body, and away from Micah. I tried not to tense up, but failed. He stopped in midmotion and just kept his hand on me. The movement that had been so natural was suddenly awkward. Awkward moments when I'm naked make me want clothes.
"Then you should react to us, the hyenas, because we're Asher's animal to call and he has messed with you, Anita. Messed with you so much he almost killed you."
I tried not to think about Asher, tried not to dwell on what we had done together the last time we'd been allowed alone together. His bite was orgasmic; combine that with actual sex and it was an experience you'd give your life for, and I'd almost done just that.
Micah touched my shoulder. "Anita, don't."
I jumped and looked at him, startled. He was right, I'd almost thought too hard about Asher. Just the memory could come back and duplicate the pleasure, at the most inopportune moments, or the most embarrassing. I shoved thoughts of Asher and his hair like spun gold as far away as I was able. But he never seemed to be too far from my thoughts lately, not since the night that we'd both gotten so caught up in his ability to bring pleasure…
Micah grabbed me, hard, and turned me to look at him. "Anita, think about something else."
I nodded. "You're right, you are right."
"You're still having flashbacks to that night?" Richard made it a question.
I nodded.
He touched my back again, tentatively, gently. Not trying to move me away from Micah, but just touching me. That I could deal with. "Hard to compete with someone who can make you orgasm just from remembering."
I turned and looked at him. He looked away, as if he wasn't certain I'd like what I saw on his face. I already knew he was jealous of the other men. I couldn't even blame him, I guess. He let all that heavy hair fall forward, to help hide his face. It wasn't as long as Asher's hair, but the gesture was similar. Asher used his hair to hide the scars that the old Inquisition had given him centuries ago when they'd tried to burn the devil out of him with holy water. Was Richard mimicking that hiding gesture on purpose, or by accident?