«What did it think like?» I asked.
«A serial killer, a butcher. Tigers only hunt when they're hungry. This thing hunts because it's bored.»
«Yeah,» I said, «that sounds like Mommie Dark. Sorry you got a taste of her, Soledad.»
She gave a weak smile. «My job to take the hits for you, right?» But she was pale, and looked as close to fainting as I thought I'd ever see one of the guards.
«Chimera might not have been a tiger,» Remus said, «but he did hold hyena, snake, and bear, at least those three more. Why doesn't Anita react to them, too?»
Micah shrugged. «She's never been attacked by them. She seems to need to be bled by an animal first.» He stroked his hand down my bare back. It reminded me that we were nude, but strangely because everyone else treated it like it was nothing, so could I.
Richard settled in closer to my other side, as if that one touch of Micah's made him have to touch me, too. Or maybe he was just nervous and letting himself take comfort. I looked for bad motives for Richard. I didn't mean to do it, but he'd hurt me so badly and so often that I finally realized I looked for the negative in him, not the positive. I took a deep breath in and let it out slow.
«You all right?» Remus asked, but his eyes did a slide to each side of me, as if he knew what was wrong.
I nodded, and the movement was too fast. I ached, but it was sharper than that. The pain would fade, but damn, I didn't know how the real wereanimals did it. Changing completely had to hurt worse than this in-between stuff.
Remus asked, «Do you know why you don't react to all of Chimera's animal forms?»
«Jean-Claude thinks maybe I need a vamp with that animal to call to mess with me before the beast rises.»
«So a combination of the attacks you've survived and vamp powers,» he said.
«Something like that,» I said.
Richard moved his hand across my shoulders, drawing me in against his body, and away from Micah. I tried not to tense up, but failed. He stopped in midmotion and just kept his hand on me. The movement that had been so natural was suddenly awkward. Awkward moments when I'm naked make me want clothes.
«Then you should react to us, the hyenas, because we're Asher's animal to call and he has messed with you, Anita. Messed with you so much he almost killed you.»
I tried not to think about Asher, tried not to dwell on what we had done together the last time we'd been allowed alone together. His bite was orgasmic; combine that with actual sex and it was an experience you'd give your life for, and I'd almost done just that.
Micah touched my shoulder. «Anita, don't.»
I jumped and looked at him, startled. He was right, I'd almost thought too hard about Asher. Just the memory could come back and duplicate the pleasure, at the most inopportune moments, or the most embarrassing. I shoved thoughts of Asher and his hair like spun gold as far away as I was able. But he never seemed to be too far from my thoughts lately, not since the night that we'd both gotten so caught up in his ability to bring pleasure…
Micah grabbed me, hard, and turned me to look at him. «Anita, think about something else.»
I nodded. «You're right, you are right.»
«You're still having flashbacks to that night?» Richard made it a question.
I nodded.
He touched my back again, tentatively, gently. Not trying to move me away from Micah, but just touching me. That I could deal with. «Hard to compete with someone who can make you orgasm just from remembering.»
I turned and looked at him. He looked away, as if he wasn't certain I'd like what I saw on his face. I already knew he was jealous of the other men. I couldn't even blame him, I guess. He let all that heavy hair fall forward, to help hide his face. It wasn't as long as Asher's hair, but the gesture was similar. Asher used his hair to hide the scars that the old Inquisition had given him centuries ago when they'd tried to burn the devil out of him with holy water. Was Richard mimicking that hiding gesture on purpose, or by accident?
Travis, the lion, gave a gasping breath. It turned my attention to him and away from Richard. Micah let go of me so I could run my hand down the soft furred side of the lion. Travis's lion was a pale straw gold. He rolled over on his stomach and looked at me with a perfect lion face, but the look out of that face wasn't lion. The look said, clearly, that there was still a person in there. Lions just didn't give you that disgusted look.
«I'm sorry it hurt,» I said.
He shook his head hard enough to fluff his mane. It was dry. I never understood that, but though changing shape was wet work, the product at each end was always mostly dry. The floor or bed would be wet, people around them could be wet, but they were dry. I'd asked all the lycanthropes in my life how that worked, and they didn't know either.
«I'll take Travis to find food,» Nathaniel said. He stood there, still nude, still covered in some of the gunk that had managed to miss the lion.
«You'll need to shower,» Micah said.
«I'll catch one in the group showers.»
Nathaniel was quietly counting himself out for the morning feed—morning sex. It occurred to me then that I hadn't fed last night before bed. The ardeur hadn't risen, and we hadn't woken it on purpose.
I looked toward Damian's coffin, but the bed blocked my view. «Shit,» I said, softly.
«Jean-Claude says that you can practice going longer between feedings,» Nathaniel said.
«But I have to feed now.» I sounded disappointed and couldn't help it. Having sex when you wanted to was one thing; being forced to have sex because you might die was different. I didn't like to be forced to do anything, even things I enjoyed.
«I'll take Travis to the food area, and I'll clean up.» He looked at the two men still beside me. I caught a quick flash of feeling. He was out of here. He could stand his ground when he needed to, but Nathaniel didn't really like to play the king-of-the-hill games, especially when I was the hill. He knew it pissed me off, so he opted out most of the time. Micah, too, sometimes. They lived with me, which meant they had to understand me better than some of the other men in my life. Okay, better than Richard. There, I'd said it, at least in my head. He usually turned everything into a pissing contest. Trouble was, I felt like I was the one getting pissed on.
«Who did you feed on last?» Richard asked.
«Me,» Micah said, and looked at the other man.
They had a moment where they just looked at each other, and like last night in the bed, I felt superfluous. «I don't know how to do this,» Richard said.
«Just say it,» Micah said.
«I don't want to have to ask your permission to have sex with Anita.»
Micah laughed then, a sharp, surprised burst of sound. «I can't believe you said that.»
«Well, I don't,» Richard said.
«It's not my permission you need, Richard,» Micah said.
Then Richard seemed to get it, because he looked at me. He actually had the grace to look embarrassed. «I didn't mean it that way.»
«How did you mean it?» I asked, and tried to keep the words as neutral as I could.
«I'm trying to get along with the other men in your life. I don't know how to do that, Anita. I want to ask you to feed on me, but I feel like I have to ask for everyone's okay, not just yours; am I wrong?»
I felt my face soften. He was trying so hard. I touched his hair. There was an edge of drying goop in it. I guess I was a bigger mess since Travis had been practically on top of me when he shifted. Violent shifting is always messier. «We need to get cleaned up,» I said.
He gave me uncertain eyes.
«I'll go with Nathaniel to the showers,» Micah said, standing up. He petted Travis's back. «Come on, ol' lion, we'll get you fed.»
Micah bent over and gave me a quick kiss and a reassuring smile. He did his best to let me know it was all right with him. One of my favorite things about Micah was that he usually made things better, easier, not worse.
He walked out with the huge, slinking form of the lion on one side and Nathaniel on the other. Nathaniel blew me a kiss from the door, but didn't try for a kiss on the lips. I wasn't sure why, but I'd have liked the kiss.