«What's wrong?» Richard asked.
«Nothing.»
«You're tense.»
I sighed. «I don't know.»
His hand slid down the side of my body to cup my hip. «It seems like unless we're having sex, you get tense when we're alone.»
«I don't mean to,» I said.
He wrapped his arms around me and forced my body lower as he rose, so that certain parts of his anatomy were touching me. He wasn't as hard as he got, but even partially erect he was a special treat. The feel of him pressed to the back of my butt felt wonderful. It made me writhe against him, which made his body react, growing, moving against my body. It was all involuntary, and I loved knowing that I affected him like that. He pushed against me, and it brought a small sound from my lips.
«So quick, so eager. God, I do love that about you.» He whispered it against my face.
«I wanted to make love to you months before you'd say yes.»
«I was afraid.» He nuzzled my neck, biting just a little.
That little biting made me writhe more. The aches and pains were starting to fade under the first wave of endorphins, those happy little chemicals. «Afraid of what?» I whispered.
He bit harder, and my spine bowed with it. «You.»
«Why?»
He cupped his mouth around the side of my throat and bit down. I cried out for him; my nails clawed at his arms. I finally had to say, «Enough, enough.»
He eased back and turned me in the water so that I was facing him. He drew me in against the front of his body, and he was hard and eager now. The feel of him against the front of my body made me cry out.
He cupped my ass, pressed me harder against the front of him. I pushed at his body, almost like I wanted to get away, but that wasn't what I was thinking. It was just almost too much, for some reason. The feel of him so eager, so big, trapped between our bodies. It was almost too much.
He shuddered, head back, his voice panting, «God, Anita, God, I love the way you react to me. I do love it!»
I wrapped my body around him, pressed the length of him against the most intimate part of me. It made me cry out and press myself tighter against him.
He pushed me against the side of the tub and moved his hips away enough to try to angle himself for my opening. I didn't protest, until the tip of him started inside and my body let me know that the combination of water—which is not a lubricant—lack of foreplay, and his size meant this wasn't going to work.
I half-patted, half-slapped his chest. «Too big, you're too big.»
«The water,» he said, breathy. He leaned his hands on the sides of the tub, face down, the head of him still inside me. «If you release the ardeur, we can do it.»
«But I'll be sore afterward, and so will you.»
He moved his hips a little, and the sensation, even tight, made me catch my breath. «Not too sore,» he said.
«Yes,» I said, «trust me. I don't want to be walking funny tomorrow.»
He raised his head enough to frown at me. «We've never done it before like this—how can you be so sure?»
Shit. I stared up at him with his body halfway inside mine and didn't know what to say. The truth was Micah and I had done it, but that seemed impolitic, to say the least, in this moment. I tried to think of something that wouldn't make him feel bad. But I waited too long.
He said, «Just say it, Anita, just say it.»
«I want to make love with you, Richard. I don't want to fight.»
He pulled back enough so he wasn't inside me anymore. He stayed with his arms on either side of the tub, framing me. The look on his face was cautious now, almost as if he were steeling himself for bad news. It wasn't the look I wanted on his face right now.
«Say it, Anita.» His voice sounded tired.
«I tried it with someone else.»
«Why did it hurt?»
«Don't make me say this, Richard, please.»
«Say it,» and his voice was harsher now.
I sighed. «Fine, because he was too big for it not to hurt.»
«Who?»
«Don't do this, Richard.»
«Who?» This time it was a demand.
I gave him angry eyes. «Who do you think?»
«I don't know; you've added at least two men to your list, and I've never seen either of them erect.»
I ducked under his arm and half-swam to the other side of the tub. «Tell me what you want me to say, Richard.»
«Is it your two new vampires?»
«Are you wanting to know how you measure up to Requiem and London? Is that what you're actually wanting to know?»
He nodded. «Yeah, I guess I do.»
I crossed my arms under my breasts, the water helping, since they floated. «I cannot believe you're asking this.»
«It's an easy question, Anita.»
«Do you actually want to know if you're bigger than they are?»
«I'm so jealous of them that I can't see straight, so yeah, I want to know. I want to know that I'm still the best-endowed man in your bed.»
«You know, I don't actually get out a ruler and measure everybody.»
«So they are big.»
«Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.» I covered my face with my hands. «No, no, they aren't as well endowed as you are. Happy?» I lowered my hands and found that it wasn't a happy look on his face.
«Then who is?»
I'd managed for months not to have this discussion, this specifically, with anyone. Of course, it would be Richard who pushed it. «Micah, okay? Micah.»
«Is that why you love him?»
«Jesus, no, Richard, you should know better than most that a really big cock is not enough to win my heart.»
«Then why him? Why are you living with him and not me?»
I sighed. We weren't going to have sex. We were going to have therapy. Sweet Mary, Mother of God, I did not want to do this. «Don't do this, not now, not today.»
«I need to understand what went wrong before I can move on, Anita. I'm sorry, but I do.»
I shook my head and tried to settle into the water, but it wasn't soothing anymore. It was just wet. «Fine. Do remember, I'm living with Nathaniel, too. You always seem to forget him, or discount him.»
«He's not dominant, Anita. In the world of wereanimals that makes him discountable.»
«But in the world of my affections, Richard, he is not discountable.»
«I don't understand.»
«I know you don't, and I'm sorry you don't, but it's still the truth. I'm living with Micah and Nathaniel, not just Micah. The fact that Nathaniel isn't a dominant doesn't make me love him less.»
«How can you sit there, like this, and tell me you love someone else? Don't you know how much that hurts me?»
«You wanted this talk, not me. I wanted to make love. I wanted to clean up, feed the ardeur, and be together, but you had to get all hung up on the size of everyone's equipment. I know it's a guy thing to worry about that, but this wasn't the time to bring it up.»
«You're right, it was stupid, but I'm stupid around you, Anita. You make me say things, do things, that I know are bad for the relationship.»
«I don't make you do anything. You choose to say and do things that spoil stuff. Your choice, not mine.»
«Fine, you're right. I choose to say and do this shit. I could have let it go and we'd be having sex right now, and it would be great sex. But I really do want to know what Micah has that I don't. What magic does he have that made you move him into your house, live with him, when you wouldn't do it for me?»
God, we were going to do the big fight. The fight I did not want to do this, ever, but I especially didn't want to do this with the Harlequin in town, and heaven knew what nasty surprises headed our way. «Jean-Claude explained to you that it was partly vampire powers that drew Micah and me together.»
«You're a succubus, a vampire that feeds on sex; yeah, he told me.»
I saw something on his face. «You don't believe him.»
«I don't believe it's permanent. I think if you could get enough space between yourself and Jean-Claude's power, it would go away.»
«Richard, this isn't Jean-Claude's power anymore; it's mine.»
He shook his head, his arms crossing over that lovely chest. «You aren't a vampire, Anita. You can't have vampire powers. They're still part of the triumvirate we have with Jean-Claude.»