But no matter how hard she had tried to stop herself, she couldn’t help feeling a thrill every time he touched her, or even looked at her. And it didn’t help that she kept catching him watching her.
She wrapped her arms around her knees and drummed her fingers on her calves. When she had lived in the slums, she had assumed she knew everything she needed to know about men and women. Later, Healing lessons had shown her how little she had really understood. Now she found that even the Healers hadn’t taught her anything useful.
But then, perhaps they hadn’t told her how to stop feeling this way because it wasn’t possible. Perhaps...
A low noise, like a growl, echoed through the valley. Sonea froze, her mind now suddenly still, and stared out into the gloom. The sound came again, from behind, and she rose and spun about in one movement. As she realized the sound had come from somewhere near Akkarin, she felt a flash of fear. Was some night creature stalking him? She hurried forward.
Reaching the overhang, she peered into the gloom and saw no creature poised to attack. Akkarin’s head was rolling from side to side. As she drew closer, he moaned.
She stopped and regarded him with dismay. He was having another nightmare. Relief and concern filled her. She wondered if she should wake him, but it had always been so clear from his expression after waking that he didn’t like her witnessing these moments of weakness.
For that matter, she thought, I don’t either.
Another moan escaped him. Sonea winced as it echoed loudly in the valley. Sound carried far in the mountains, and she did not like to imagine who might be listening. As he uttered another low cry, she came to a decision. It didn’t matter if he liked it or not, she had to wake him up before he attracted unwanted attention.
“Akkarin,” she whispered hoarsely. He stilled and she thought she had woken him, but then he tensed all over.
“No!”
Alarmed, Sonea drew closer. His eyes roved under his eyelids. His face contorted in pain. She reached toward him, intending to shake him awake.
The sting of a shield met her fingers. She saw his eyes fly open, then felt a force slam into her, throwing her up into the air. Something hard slammed into her back, then she dropped to the ground. Pain lanced down her arms and legs.
“Ow!”
“Sonea!”
She felt hands pushing her over onto her back. Akkarin stared at her.
“Are you hurt?”
She examined herself. “No, just bruised, I think.”
“Why did you wake me?”
She looked down at his hands. Even in the gloom she could see they were shaking. “You were dreaming. A nightmare...”
“I am used to them, Sonea.” he said quietly, his voice controlled and calm. “They are no reason to wake me.”
“You were making a lot of noise.”
He paused, then straightened.
“Go to sleep, Sonea,” he said in a low voice. “I will watch.”
“No,” she said irritably. “You’ve barely slept—and I know you won’t wake me up when it’s your turn to sleep.”
“I will. I give you my word.”
He leaned forward and offered her a hand. Taking it, she let him haul her to her feet. A bright light dazzled her, and she realized that the rising sun was just beginning to crest the rock wall at the base of the valley.
Akkarin stilled. Sensing that something had caught his attention, she squinted at him, but he was a dark shape against the brightness. Instinctively, she sought him with her mind instead. At once she saw an image.
A face, framed by hair shining in the morning sunlight.
Eyes... so dark... and pale, perfect skin...
It was her own face, but it was unlike any reflection she had seen in a mirror. Her eyes held a mysterious shine, her hair seemed to ripple as if moving in a breeze, and her lips surely did not curve so invitingly...
He snatched his hand away and took a step back.
This is how he sees me, she thought suddenly. There was no mistaking the desire she had sensed. She felt her own heart racing. All this time, I resisted because I thought it was just me, she thought. And so has he.
She took a step toward him, then another. He watched her intently, frowning. She willed him to see beyond her eyes, to sense her own thoughts, and that she knew his. His eyes widened with surprise as she stepped very close. She felt his hands encircle her arms, then tighten as she rose up on the balls of her feet, and kissed him.
He went very still. Leaning against him, she felt his heart beating quickly. His eyes closed, then he pulled away.
“Stop. Stop this,” he breathed. He opened his eyes and stared at her intently.
Despite the words, his hands still held her arms tightly as if reluctant to let go of her. Sonea searched his face. Had she read him wrong? No, she was sure of what she had sensed.
“Why?”
He frowned. “This is wrong.”
“Wrong?” she heard herself ask. “How? We both feel... feel...”
“Yes,” he said softly. He looked away. “But there is more to consider.”
“Like?”
Akkarin released her arms and took a step back. “It would not be fair—to you.”
Sonea considered him carefully. “Me? But—”
“You’re young. I am twelve—no, thirteen—years older than you.”
Suddenly his hesitation made sense. “That is true,” she answered carefully. “But women in the Houses are matched with older men all the time. Much older men. Some when they’re as young as sixteen. I’m nearly twenty.”
Akkarin seemed to struggle with himself. “I am your guardian,” he reminded her sternly.
She could not help smiling. “Not any more.”
“But if we return to the Guild—”
“Will we cause a scandal?” She chuckled. “I think they’re getting used to that.” She hoped he would smile at that, but he only frowned. She sobered. “You speak as if we’ll go back and everything will be the same again. Even if we return, nothing will ever be as it was for us. I am a black magician. So are you.”
He winced. “I am sorry. I should never have—”
“Don’t apologize for that,” she exclaimed. “I chose to learn black magic. And I didn’t do it for you.”
Akkarin regarded her silently.
She sighed and turned away. “Well, this is going to make things awkward.”
“Sonea.”
She looked back and stilled as he stepped closer. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. She felt her pulse quicken at the touch.
“Either of us could die in the next few weeks,” he said quietly.
She nodded. “I know.”
“I’d be happier knowing you were safe.”
Sonea narrowed her eyes at him. He smiled.
“No, I will not start that argument again, but... you test my loyalties, Sonea.”
She frowned, not understanding. “How?”
He reached out and ran a finger across her brow. “It doesn’t matter.” The corner of his mouth curled upward. “It’s too late, anyway. I started to fail that test the night you killed the Ichani.”
She blinked in surprise. Did that mean...? for that long...?
He smiled. She felt his hands slip around her waist. As he pulled her closer, she decided her questions could wait. She reached up and traced the curl in his lips with the tip of her finger. Then he leaned forward and his mouth met hers, and all questions were forgotten.
25
A Chance Encounter
Gorin, Rothen had discovered, were fnistratingly slow walkers. The enormous beasts were the favorite of merchants, however. They were strong, docile and easy to handle and direct and much more resilient than horses.