“I knelt in front of the old monk and took his hand, although Helen seemed to want to hold me back. His hand was as limp as a dead fish, white and puffy, the nails yellow and weirdly long. ‘Where is Sveti Georgi?’ I pleaded. I felt that in another minute I might begin to cry, in front of Ranov and Helen and these two desiccated creatures in their prison.
“Ranov crouched next to me, trying to catch the monk’s wandering eyes.‘K’de e Sveti Georgi?’But Brother Angel had followed his own gaze into a faraway world again. ‘”Angelov went to Athos and saw thetypikon, he went into the mountains and found the terrible place. I took the number eleven to his apartment. He said, ’Come quickly I have found out something. I am going back there to dig in the past.‘ I would give you some coffee, but it is only dirt. Oh, oh, he was dead in his room, and then his body was not in the morgue.“’ Brother Angel broke into a smile that made me back away. He had two teeth and his gums were ragged. The breath that spilled from his mouth would have killed the devil himself. He began to sing in a high, trembling voice.
The dragon came down our valley.
He burned the crops and took the maidens.
He frightened the Turkish infidel and protected our villages.
His breath dried up the rivers and we walked across them.
“As Ranov finished translating, Brother Ivan, the librarian, spoke up with some animation. He still had his hands in his sleeves, but his face was bright and interested. ‘What’s he saying?’ I asked quickly.
“Ranov shook his head. ‘He says he has heard this song before. He collected it from an old woman in the village of Dimovo, Baba Yanka, who is a great singer there, where the river dried up long ago. They have several festivals there where they sing these old songs, and she is the leader of the singers. One of these will be in two days, the festival of Saint Petko, and you may wish to hear her.’
“‘More folk songs,’ I groaned. ‘Please ask Mr. Pondev-Brother Angel-if he knows what this song means.’
“Ranov put the question with considerable patience, but Brother Ivan sat grimacing and twitching and said nothing. After a moment, the silence drove me to the very edge of my feelings. ‘Ask him if he knows anything about Vlad Dracula!’ I shouted. ‘Vlad Tepes! Is he buried in this region? Has he ever heard that name? The nameDracula? ’ Helen had seized my arm, but I was beside myself. The librarian stared at me, although he seemed to feel no alarm, and Ranov gave me what I might have called a pitying look if I’d wanted to pay closer attention.
“But the effect on Pondev was horrifying. He turned very pale and his eyes rolled back in his head like great blue marbles. Brother Ivan leaped forward and grabbed him as he slumped from the chair, and he and Ranov managed to get him onto the cot. He was a clumsy mass, swollen white feet protruding from the bedclothes, arms dangling around their necks. When they had him safely prone, the librarian fetched water from a pitcher and trickled some on the poor man’s face. I stood aghast; I hadn’t meant to cause such anguish, and perhaps now I’d killed one of our only remaining sources of information. After an endless moment, Brother Angel stirred and opened his eyes, but now they were wild eyes, wary as a hunted beast’s, and they flickered in terror around the room as if he couldn’t see us at all. The librarian patted his chest and tried to make him more comfortable on the cot, but the old monk pushed his hands away, trembling. ‘Let us leave him,’ Ranov said somberly. ‘He is not going to die-of this, at least.’ We followed the librarian out of the room, all of us silent and chastened.
“‘I’m sorry,’ I said, in the reassuring brightness of the courtyard.
“Helen turned to Ranov. ‘Could you ask the librarian if he knows anything more about that song, or what valley it came from?’
“Ranov and the librarian conferred, the librarian glancing at us. ‘He says it comes from Krasna Polyana, the valley on the other side of those mountains, to the northeast. You may come with him to the saint’s festival in two days if you wish to stay here. This old singer might know something about it-she will at least be able to tell you where she learned it.’
“‘Do you think that would be helpful?’ I murmured to Helen.
“She gave me a sober look. ‘I don’t know, but it is all we have. Since it mentions a dragon, we should pursue it. In the meantime, we can explore Bachkovo thoroughly, and perhaps use the library if this librarian will help us.’
“I sat wearily down on a stone bench at the edge of the galleries. ‘All right,’ I said.”
Chapter 68
September 1962
My beloved daughter:
Damn this English! But when I try to write to you in Hungarian, a few lines, I know at once that you are not listening. You are growing up in English. Your father, who believes that I am dead, speaks to you in English as he swings you up onto his shoulder. He speaks to you in English as he puts your shoes on-you have been wearing real shoes for years now-and in English as he holds your hand in a park. But if I speak to you in English, I feel that you cannot hear me. I didn’t write to you at all for a long time, because I could not hear you listening in any language. I know your father believes I am dead, because he has never tried to find me. If he had tried to, he would have succeeded. But he cannot hear me in any language.
Your loving mother,
Helen
May 1963
My beloved daughter:
I do not know how many times I have silently explained to you that in the first few months you and I were very happy together. The sight of you waking from your nap, your hands moving before any other part of you stirred, your dark lashes fluttering next, and then your stretching, your smiling, filled me completely. Then something happened. It was not something outside of me, not an external threat to you. It was something inside me. I began to search your perfect body over and over for some sign of injury. But the injury was to me, even before this puncture on my neck, and it would not quite heal. I became afraid to touch you, my perfect angel.
Your loving mother,
Helen
July 1963
My beloved daughter:
I seem to be missing you more than ever today. I am in the university archives in Rome. I have been here six times in the last two years. The guards know me, the archivists know me, the waiter at the café across the street from the archive knows me and would like to know me better if I didn’t turn away coldly, pretending I don’t see his interest. This archive contains records of a plague in 1517, whose victims developed only one sore, a red wound on the neck. The pope ordered them to be buried with stakes through their hearts and garlic in their mouths. In 1517. I am trying to make a map through time of his movements or-since it is impossible to tell the difference-the movements of his servants. This map, really a list in my notebook, already fills many pages. But what use I can put it to I do not know yet. While I work I am waiting to discover this.
Your loving mother,
Helen
September 1963
My beloved daughter:
I am ready, almost, to give up and return to you. Your birthday is this month. How can I miss another birthday? I would return to you immediately, but I know that if I do, the same thing will happen. I will feel my uncleanness, as I first did six years ago-I will feel the horror of it, I will see your perfection. How can I be near you knowing that I am tainted? What right do I have to touch your smooth cheek?
Your loving mother,
Helen
October 1963
My beloved daughter:
I am in Assisi. These astounding churches and chapels, climbing their hill, fill me with a sense of despair. We might have come here, you in your little dress and hat, and I, and your father, all of us holding hands, as tourists. Instead, I am working in the dust of a monastic library, reading a document from 1603. Two monks died here in December of that year. They were found in the snow with their throats only a little mutilated. My Latin has lasted very well, and my money buys any help I might need with interpreting, translating, laundering my dresses. As it does visas, passports, train tickets, a false identity card. I never had money when I was growing up. My mother, in the village, barely knew what it looked like. Now I am learning that it buys everything. No, not everything. Not everything I want.