“Zane—”
“Mark my words, you walk in the door at Laughlin’s place and they are going to make sure it swings closed after you,” I said darkly. “For good.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know them,” she said, her tone gentle.
Neither do you, I wanted to scream. But that wouldn’t help my case. “Ford has more reasons to work against you than with you. And I know plenty. I saw the way she reacted to you. To us.” The words escaped before I could stop them, and I grimaced.
A frown appeared on her forehead. “Is that what this is about? What she said?” She lifted her chin up, challenging me.
“No, no.” I shook my head fiercely. I didn’t want the conversation to take this turn. In my mind, Ford’s sneering implication that Ariane was lowering herself to be with me only proved that Ford didn’t respect Ariane or her decisions. But to bring that up now would seem like nothing more than insecurity on my part, and I had a valid point beyond that, which was that Ariane didn’t know jack shit about these people. If they were even people. They were so distant and freaking strange.
I caught myself, but not in time. Watching Ariane, it was as if a curtain dropped across her face, wiping away all expression. “Because she’s not human,” she said flatly. “Or, not human enough for you, anyway.”
Fuck. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” she said in that same even, dead tone.
“Don’t do this,” I said quickly. “Ford is nothing like you. She is—”
“—exactly like me, except for the years of training myself to look and act like the full-blooded. I take it you prefer that.”
I threw my hands up. “Compared to Ford? Hell, yes, but that’s not my point.” Absurdly, I could feel my eyes burning with tears. Where was the girl who trusted me? Who thought I was worthy? I could feel her slipping away from me, no matter how hard I tried to tighten my grip. “I like you for who you are.”
She stiffened. “Good to know you like me.”
And I didn’t realize why she was upset until I played back my words in my head.
I’d downgraded her from love to like.
“I didn’t mean…I wasn’t taking it back.” I fumbled for the right words. God, they had to be here somewhere, right? Something to convince her. “I was just trying to make a point.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Point made.”
I wanted to grab her arms and shake her, but I suspected that wouldn’t go over so well. So I kept my hands firmly locked at my sides. “This is what she wants. Don’t you see that?” I pleaded. “She’s manipulating. She wants to turn you to their side.”
Ariane took two quick steps toward me. “What side? Whose side?” She poked her finger at my chest. “As far as I can tell, there’s only the people who want to use us, abuse us, and keep us in cages, and everyone else.”
“You’re lumping me in with Jacobs now?” I stared at her, aghast. “I just want you to be safe.”
“So does he, I’m sure.” With that, she turned and walked away, down the stairs.
Stunned, I just watched her go, words pounding on the inside of my brain, begging to be set free. But I knew already that none of them would have made a difference.
17
Ariane
I STORMED THROUGH MARA’S KITCHEN and out the sliding glass door, heading toward the empty house and our van—my van—in the driveway.
How blind did Zane think I was? I knew that Ford made him uncomfortable. He’d practically oozed disgust earlier today.
And whether he wanted to admit it or not, she and I were cut from the same cloth. Literally, if one considered DNA as a weaving of a sort.
My eyes welled with unshed tears. How could he not see that the things he hated in Ford were in me too? And beyond that, why couldn’t he trust me anyway? Hadn’t I proved myself worthy of that, at least?
In that moment, I envied Ford, just a little. She wasn’t alone, trying to figure all of this out. There were three of them. She would never have to choose sides between human and other because she had a side of her own with Carter and Nixon.
But that didn’t mean I was foolish enough to have blind faith in her. In any of them. Getting Ford and the others away from Laughlin truly was the best strategy to save all of us, including Quinn. And yeah, working with Ford left us open to betrayal, but I already had a plan in mind to address that. A plan that I would have gladly shared with Zane if he’d bothered to hear me out.
Is it possible you’re overreacting? my human side nudged. You know he wasn’t suggesting that you were less than human, just different. And Ford is a bit of a freak, if we’re being honest.
It was just that his reaction brought up this horrible, inescapable fear in me that, maybe, what Ford had said was right. Maybe I wasn’t being true to myself around him; I was still hiding behind my human facade. And that, in turn, raised the ugly specter of Dr. Jacobs’s and Mara’s words—that I didn’t belong out here. That what I wanted couldn’t be mine. Because, as a freak of science or manufactured miracle of human ingenuity, whatever you want to call it, I didn’t deserve it. Those dreams were reserved for “real” people.
Tears ran down my cheeks and dripped off my chin. I swiped at them angrily. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with Zane. It had been a mistake. I’d been fooling myself.
We were too different. He wanted me to trust full-blooded humans. First a few reporters, and then a whole planet full of them, to keep me safe. How was that any less risky than what Ford had suggested? My track record with humans was already, forgive the pun, less than stellar.
I inhaled slowly, trying to calm myself down. All I’d wanted was a small, normal life. Something to call my own. Something real. And I’d wanted it to be with Zane. A chance to go on a date, maybe, without worrying about someone following us or abducting me out of the bathroom.
But that was not to be. Not now. Maybe not ever.
And yet, I was still here. I still had choices to make and things to do. Right now, if I wanted to beat the deadline on Quinn’s video, I had about twenty-four hours to get into Laughlin Integrated, find the Quorosene, and get back out.
And that started with returning to Linwood Academy before Ford, Nixon, and Carter left for “home.” I figure I had maybe forty-five minutes to make the trip, and that would be cutting it close, especially with a stop at drugstore for the supplies I needed.
I squared my shoulders as I reached the sidewalk of the house we’d been using as a home base. Zane may not have agreed with my course of action. Fine. But he wasn’t here anymore. It was up to me. And there was some relief in that. I would do what I needed to do.
I ducked inside the house and found the keys where Zane had left them, upstairs in the slightly damp bathroom sink. I left as swiftly as I entered, refusing to allow myself to look on any of the dirty rooms with aching fondness or reminiscence, actively blocking all thoughts of our time together.
But when I opened the van and climbed behind the wheel, I discovered that the seat was pushed so far back that it revealed a portion of the floor mat that was the original gray, unfaded by the sun. My feet were miles away from the pedals.
A ripple slipped through my forced calm. What if that was the last time we saw each other? What if I walked away and those were my final words to him?
I didn’t mean what I’d said, not entirely. I knew he wasn’t the same as Dr. Jacobs. But I’d let Zane think I believed otherwise. And now, away from the heat of the moment, the memory of the hurt on his face was a knife to my heart. He’d risked so much for me, and I’d crushed him like he didn’t matter.
I shook my head. No. Thinking like this wasn’t productive. And I didn’t have time for it. Once I was done here, once I’d succeeded in freeing Ford, Carter, and Nixon and ending the competition, thereby saving Quinn and Zane and anybody else GTX might attempt to take to try to control me, then I’d come back. Then I’d see if there was anything left between Zane and me. Assuming he would even be interested. He’d been so angry. My being right might not fix that. I’d learned that a long time ago—sometimes full-blooded humans would rather be wrong and figure it out for themselves eventually instead of having someone push them toward the correct answer.