“At first I thought nothing of it, that this was some Cold War fable, that it did not matter to us today. But when I sobered up, when I went back to work, I did some research. I found little, but enough to intrigue me. I dug deeper, and at every turn it seemed the system was more crazy, more dangerous. In the end I became obsessed. I discovered that the greatest secret, Perimeter’s forgotten location, had been kept in a certain document, a list of secret facilities known only to the KGB. This list was destroyed, no copies remained… but one. One in a KGB library no one had visited since the fall of the Union. I tracked it down. I held it in my hand, the map reference, and committed it to my memory. This would be the last thing I would do, the thing that would justify my sacrifice. I would destroy Perimeter.
“I went back to the marshal and told him what I’d found. I said I was ready, that I would do this thing in the time I had. I was exultant. Only then did he tell me it was impossible. Already I had met some resistance. There were people in the FSB — this is the successor to the KGB — who felt that any change, any diminishment in the nuclear arsenal was a sign of weakness and therefore unacceptable. There were others whose reputations, whose careers, would be damaged if it were revealed how they had let Perimeter get away from them.” Nadia shrugged. “I had been threatened. I thought nothing of it. I was going to die young; why worry about some menacing fools? But the marshal knew better. He understood interdepartmental politics better than I. FSTEK is an autonomous body, on paper. In reality it is subordinate to FSB. Despite all I had done, all I had achieved, he could not get approval for this mission.”
“I notice, young lady, that it didn’t stop you,” Hollingshead said.
“At first, I obeyed. I was no rebel, to go against the entire intelligence community for one personal crusade. But then something changed… I was receiving monthly physicals. Monthly CT scans, to check my bones, my pancreas, my liver, for any sign of cancer. Six months ago one of these scans came back positive. It is in me, now. It is deep inside my organs, where it is impossible to cut out. The doctors called me in, spoke with me at great length. Before they could barely look at me. Now they found me fascinating. I would be a wonderful test subject — physically fit, perfectly healthy except for this one thing. I had a good chance of surviving some new experimental treatments. Chemotherapies untried before. New advances in, of all things, radiation therapy. Hope blossomed inside me — how could it not? I thought perhaps the last few years had all been a terrible dream. That my impending death might be averted.
“That was when they explained. No, they could not save me. They could extend my life by a few years, perhaps, years I would spend in a bed, in constant nausea and agony, years of suffering instead of a relatively quick death.
“I could only stare at them. They were ghouls — I could see in their eyes they were already mentally carving up my corpse to see how well their treatments had worked. I… assaulted one. Struck him down right there in the hospital. He was more surprised than hurt. Did I not wish to give myself to the glory of medicine, to the advancement of the healing arts? Did I not wish for my tragedy to have some meaning, some purpose?
“I went to the marshal again, this time with a plan in my hands. A document describing how I would defeat Perimeter, what I still required — the one-time pad — how I would acquire it. I had written the plan in such a way that two or three people could make it happen, and no one need to know it was being done until it was accomplished. The same plan I presented to you, Director. The plan we have followed so far.
“The marshal tried to stop me, but I was done with men telling me what could be accomplished. What was possible. What was politically viable. Enough, I told him. I go to Washington with or without your blessing. Maybe the Americans would laugh at me, maybe they would arrest me. But still I would go.
“The marshal was the man who made me what I am. He understood me like no one else. He could see in my eyes that I would do this thing. Still he did not say yes — but he did not stop me from going to America. From contacting you. I had no idea if he would back me the way I hoped, even when I met with you the first time. I did not know what would happen. When you said yes, well…”
She shook her head. “Here we are. You know the truth, now. You know what I have done, and why. I will go on to Kazakhstan with or without Jim. I will finish what I started. They tell me I have only months left, months of good health and then a quick decline. They tell me the end will be painful if I do not seek medical treatment, but that it will be over in a week or so.” She looked back over her shoulder at Chapel. “I will not get a second chance at this.”
Chapel just stood there, uncertain what he should do or say.
But that was Hollingshead’s job, after all.
“Young lady,” the director said, “that’s quite a story. But it doesn’t change a damned thing.”
Nadia stared at the tablet, her face a mask of disbelief.
Hollingshead had the decency to look away as he explained himself. “This has already gone too far. You’ve implicated the United States in what could turn into an international incident. You tricked us into conspiring with you when you had no national credentials. That’s simply unconscionable. Your actions have led to the death of an Uzbek government official—”
“A butcher of his people,” Nadia pointed out.
Hollingshead shook his head. “I’ll lose no sleep over Mirza’s demise. But the government of Uzbekistan will not just forget about him. They’ll want to know why he died, and if they turn to me for answers, I will have none.”
“Then I will go on alone, as I say—”
“Not without my authorization,” Hollingshead told her. “Damnation, girl, don’t you see? They saw Chapel in Tashkent. They photographed him. If you’re caught in Kazakhstan, if the Russians catch up with you, they will get Chapel’s name from you one way or another. They will trace him back to us. So I cannot allow you to proceed alone. If necessary, I will order Chapel to detain you, by force.”
“Sir,” Chapel said, though he wasn’t sure if he was trying to protest or acknowledging that he was ready to follow orders.
“But what then? Will you turn me over to the FSB who hunt me, with an apology? Will you tell the whole world how you were duped by a rogue agent?” Nadia demanded, her eyes flashing.
“If that were necessary, yes, I would do exactly that. I would hand you to them on a silver platter if I thought it would smooth things over.”
“Knowing, as you must, what they would do? How they would torture me, until they were satisfied they knew everything? How then they would put a bullet in my brain, and bury me in an unmarked grave?” Nadia said.
“Yes,” Hollingshead said, almost growling. “In a heartbeat.”
Sometimes Chapel forgot that the director’s bow ties and his thick glasses and his genial manner were a carefully studied act, meant to disarm the people he spoke with, to get them to trust him. Sometimes he forgot that before Hollingshead had become a spymaster, he’d been an admiral in the United States Navy. And that you didn’t get to that rank in the armed forces without having solid titanium vertebrae. Chapel found himself standing at attention, unconsciously adopting the posture of a soldier in the midst of an old-fashioned full-on ass-chewing.
“Fortunately — for you at least, young lady,” Hollingshead went on, his voice softening by the narrowest degree, “it needn’t come to that. Chapel can escort you back to the United States. Once you’re here we will protect you from the FSB. We will strive to make the remainder of your life comfortable. Of course, you’ll have to sing for your supper. You’ll be questioned, and while I do not torture those who fall under my microscope, I can assure you that we will be thorough. You will tell us everything you know, every tiny detail, every name, place, and date before we’re done with you. But you won’t be hunted down like a dog. That, Agent Asimova, is the very best you can hope for right now.”