That was what I overheard, and when I appeared she was silent. I was sure that long ago they had paired me off with Dougal as a first and Colin Brady as a second.
Mrs. Janson liked Dougal and he had been a frequent visitor. They were sure he was, as they said, "sweet on me." But now Lady Harriet was making a rare fuss of Dougal. Mrs. Janson had it from the maids there. "Now that he's got this title and money it's been a leg up for him. Before, he was just a friend of Sir Fabian's ... treated just like one of them young boys from the school. Now it's a different matter. We didn't see him so much then ... Why, there was a time when he seemed to make the rectory his home."
He did come over to bring the books he had spoken of. My father was delighted to see him and they had long discussions together. I went in and joined them. I did fancy he was a little subdued with me. He made a special effort to include me in the conversation, whereas previously it had been done without effort. I remembered how we had talked just before he left, when I had been foolish enough to think that he was on the point of making a declaration.
It was a bitter blow to my pride rather than to my deep emotions. I was not sure what I really felt about Dougal, except that he was a very pleasant and interesting friend. I had allowed myself to envisage a future with him and I had believed it could be very rewarding. How foolish I had been! Of course, he liked to talk to me about things that interested him, and he would never be able to talk to Lavinia in that way. But that was not love. It was not what people married for. The beauty of Lavinia had suddenly struck him and he could not help but marvel at it.
I did not go over to the stables for I would not avail myself of Fabian's offer. I wanted to take nothing from him. Moreover, I avoided Framling, for fear of meeting him.
I was in the rectory garden one day when he came riding by.
"Drusilla," he called. "It is such a long time since I saw you."
I merely replied, "Good morning," and turned to go into the house.
"I trust you are well. And your father?"
"Thank you, yes."
"You know, of course, that Dougal is here."
"He has been to see my father."
"And you too, I daresay. I know what good friends you are."
I did not answer.
"I hope you are not still put out with me. I think I rather allowed my feeling to get the better of my good manners."
Still I did not answer.
"I am sorry," he went on humbly. "You must forgive me."
"It is of no importance. Please forget it."
"You are very generous."
"I must go in now."
"There is so much to do at the rectory." He spoke mockingly, finishing my sentence for me.
"That is true," I retorted sharply.
"There is quite a flutter of excitement at the House," he went on.
In spite of myself I waited to hear what had caused this.
"We are expecting them to announce it shortly."
I felt the blood rushing to my head.
"Lavinia and Dougal," he added. "My mother is delighted."
I looked at him steadily, my eyebrows raised.
He nodded, smiling—was it maliciously? "My mother says there is no need to delay ... long. Why should they? It is not as though they were strangers. They have known each other for a long time. They have suddenly realized how they feel. People do, you know. My mother is all for an early wedding. I am sure you will be pleased for them, for you know them both so well."
"It is most ... suitable."
"That's what my mother thinks."
I thought angrily: Yes, since Dougal acquired a title and a fortune and the London season did not produce anyone of higher rank.
"I daresay Lavinia will be coming over to tell you the good news. Dougal too, perhaps. They will want you to give them your blessing."
I felt a great need to get away from his probing eyes. I knew what he was telling me. You have lost Dougal. My mother will never let him slip out of her hands now. It was different before he came into this glory.
He raised his hand, inclined his head and, murmuring "Au revoir," rode off.
A month after the arrival of Dougal at Framling the engagement was announced between the Earl of Tenleigh and the beautiful Miss Lavinia Framling, the debutante of the season.
I did not go to Framling to congratulate Lavinia. She came to me. I could see at once that she was disturbed.
"What's the matter?" I asked. "You don't look like the happy betrothed."
"It's that woman ... Janine. She wants more money."
"I told you how it is with blackmailers. You should never submit in the first place."
"Why should this have happened to me?"
"You have to pay for your sins."
"I only did what a lot of people do." She was aggrieved and I felt a sudden anger sweep over me. She had had so much and now she had taken Dougal. I had analysed my feelings for him and I was desperately hurt. But I was honest enough to admit to myself that it was mainly my pride that had been wounded. It had been hard for me to realize that at first, for I had enjoyed his friendship and I had thought of eventual marriage as a pleasant prospect. It would have been a wonderful experience to be loved by a man whom I could trust.
But could I have trusted him if our close relationship, which might have developed into a serious commitment, could have been shattered by the appearance of a girl just because she happened to be outstandingly beautiful?
I whipped up my anger against Lavinia. These Framlings seemed to think the whole world was made for them. Lavinia believed she could commit the greatest indiscretion, have a child even and everyone should cover up for her and leave her to sail happily on. As for her brother, he had thought he could insult me and then come along and behave as though nothing untoward had happened.
I was tired of the Framlings.
"And," Lavinia, was saying, "I haven't come here to be quoted at from the Bible. I suppose that is in the Bible. You, Miss Know-all, would be aware of that."
"I'm sorry, Lavinia. You must get yourself out of your own troubles."
"Oh, Drusilla." She had run to me and flung her arms round my neck. "Help me, please. I know you can. I didn't mean to say those silly things. I'm at the end of my tether. I am really. If Mama or Dougal found out ... I'd just kill myself ... I've thought about jumping out of my window."
"You'd land on the furze bush, which would be very uncomfortable."
"Oh, help me, please, Drusilla."
"How can I?"
"I thought you might see her."
"I? What good would that do?"
"She likes you. She thinks you're interesting. She told me you were worth a dozen of me. I know she's right."
"Thanks. I'll remember that. But talking to her would do no good."
"It might ... if you did."
"What could I say?"
"You could tell her how good I've been so far and if she would wait a little time ... until I'm married ... I'll be very rich and I'll do something for her then. I will. I promise."
"I don't think she would believe in your promises, Lavinia."
"You promise for me. Tell her you'll be a sort of witness and you'll make sure she gets the money. It is only a matter of waiting."
"I think you should go to your mother or your brother or Dougal and tell the truth."
"How could I? Dougal might refuse to marry me."
"I believe he is a very understanding young man."
"He wouldn't understand. He'd be furious. He believes in perfection."