They should have just quit.
“They did, though. They quit.”
They didn’t, I said. They got kicked out.
“I’m telling you they quit — you must not have read the email. They got kicked out on Wednesday, but yesterday afternoon they held an emergency meeting and they quit, and Berman sent this, like, press release to everyone announcing it last night.”
I said, Tch.
“Tch what?” said Ally.
I said, They’d already been kicked out by then.
“I see your point,” Ally said. “And I’m with you,” he said, “and I know it looks weak. It probably even is weak — quitting after you’re fired, it looks like caulk, but still, they’re no longer Shovers, and they are Israelites, and since they’re Israelites, it seems like they should be given the benefit of the doubt. At least it seems that way to me. That I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Am I wrong, Rabbi? Isn’t that the right thing to do?”
He wasn’t wrong. It was the right thing to do.
I told him so. Then Googy nodded vigorously, pointed at me, peek-a-booed, shrugged, choked himself, and shrugged again.
Ally said, “What Googy wants to know is why did you reveal yourself yesterday if it wasn’t to bring us together to attack the Shovers over the scarves?”
The Five were looking for me, I said to Googy.
Googy waved me off like a beggar.
“Googy finds that hard to believe,” Ally said. “So do I. They just happened to be looking for you yesterday? The timing’s too perfect. There has to be some connection between—”
There is, I said, but it’s not through me. Shpritzy got attacked by Shlomo Cohen yesterday—
“It looked more, to us, like he attacked Shlomo. Him and the other four.”
Shlomo attacked Shpritzy first, I said. During Lunch-Recess. He beat Shpritzy up and some other guys restrained the other four so they couldn’t interfere, and when he was finished beating on Shpritzy, he made it clear it was because of the scarves. He said, ‘Say hi to Berman for me. Tell him, ‘Sharp scarf,’ and—’
“Tell Acer sharp scarf, you mean,” Ally said. “Acer’s the one who started the fishes.”
No, I said, Berman, who started the stars.
“I don’t like that,” said Ally. “That’s lousy. I don’t like it. You know, when the Five brought Ulpan to Aptakisic, Shlomo was the only Israelite who didn’t get it. I was there. So was Googy. In Pinker’s backyard — Pinker was the one who invited him, Shlomo, but Shlomo didn’t show. There were only twelve of us at Pinker’s. Everyone else was divided up between the rest of the Five’s backyards. Everyone else but Shlomo, like I said. And anyway, we waited for an hour for him to show, and he didn’t show, and he didn’t even call. And since the way Pinker invited everyone to receive your Ulpan was by going up to them in the hall and handing them a list of supplies with his address on it, and saying, ‘Tonight, my place. Secret meeting for Israelites,’ lots of people, that night, said Shlomo was a self-hating Jew. That he didn’t come because he hated Israelites. But I told them no. I defended Shlomo. I thought that was too much, them calling him that name. That’s a bad thing to call someone. It’s one of the worst things to be. And, really, I thought Shlomo probably just didn’t want to hang out with us, but now you tell me what you’re telling me, and I’m thinking you’re saying maybe Shlomo Cohen is, after all, a self-hating Jew. Like, you know, like Noam Chomsky, or Philip Roth or whoever, so, I mean, is that what you’re saying?”
I said, Philip Roth’s not a self-hating Jew. I said, No one with half a brain even considers that a possibility anymore. It’s not even a conversation. Shlomo Cohen, though — yeah, he must be. I guess I’m saying he must be. It’s the only explanation, right? Shlomo Cohen is a self-hating Jew, so when all of a sudden the Israelite Shovers start making a big deal out of being Israelites, he wants to distinguish himself from them, I’m saying. He wants everyone to know that even though his name’s Shlomo Cohen, he is not on the same side as you’d think — he is not on the side of starred scarves, loud Israeliteness, and—
“Except but then he’d attack Berman. Berman’s the one who started the scarf-starring.”
You’d think so, right? But Berman’s a big kid, I said, and Shlomo, as we all saw yesterday in the two-hill field, is a serious bleeder, and if all you thought you needed to do to get your message across was beat up a conspicuously Israelite kid at Aptakisic, a conspicuously Israelite kid who’s a known associate of all the other Aptakisic Israelites, and so a known associate of the Israelite Shovers, you wouldn’t pick Berman. Not if you didn’t know how to fight. And not if you were a giant coward. If you didn’t know how to fight, and were a giant coward, you’d pick the smallest kid you could to inflict your message, the kid who’d put up the least resistance.
“Shpritzy,” said Ally.
The violin whiz himself.
“Okay. I’m sold. You’ve sold me on that. Shlomo’s a self-hating Jew and Berman starred the scarves, so Shlomo attacked Shpritzy, told him say hi to Berman, and that’s why the Five came looking for you. Okay. We’re sold. Me and Googy the both. But we’re still not sold on not attacking the Shovers, and—”
Googy grabbed hair from the back of his own head and smashed his face into the seatback in front of him.
“Exactly,” Ally said. “Why did you mess up Blake Acer so bad?”
Acer was writing WE DAMAGE WE bombs.
“You’re against the Side of Damage?”
I lead the Side of Damage.
“That’s what we heard, but—”
Acer’s not on it.
“But he’s not the only one not on it who writes WE DAMAGE WE.”
You?
“Well… yes.”
Don’t worry, I said. I said, Write it all you want.
“I’m on the Side of Damage?”
You’re an Israelite, I said.
“Israelites are on the Side of Damage?”
Some are, I said, but that doesn’t matter.
“You’re really confusing me. If I can write WE DAMAGE WE whether or not I’m on the Side of Damage, why can’t Acer?”
Israelites are my brothers.
“Acer’s not.”
Acer’s a Shover.
“So tell me again why we shouldn’t attack the Shovers.”
Who said you shouldn’t?
“You said you didn’t have a plan.”
I don’t have a plan.
“And then you said they weren’t antisemites, the Shovers.”
They’re not, I said.
“But they’re dickheads, you’re saying.”
Total dickheads. Arrangement gizmos.
“So we should attack them for that?”
You’d have my blessing.
“But no further instructions.”
I said, I taught you how to build weapons and use them. I told you to protect each other. I’m telling you you’re Israelites. What better instruction do you need? Damage dickheads and gizmos whenever you get the chance, and protect each other while you do it. Adonai will take care of the rest.
“That’s all?”
What more do you want, Ally?
“Will you help us?”
I have helped you. I am helping you.
“But will you lead us?”
Am I leading you right now?
“I don’t know.”
Then neither do I.
“Riddles.”
I don’t speak in riddles, Ally. Riddles are for pagans. If you’re following me, I’m leading you.