Below, Arkham was ringed in fire. The mist took on an unearthly glow, living and boiling in the cauldron of the valley. “He calls it the Weird,” I said softly. “My father. And his father. A Grayson has had it, for fourteen generations. I …”
I might not be mad after all. The thought was wishful, but I hadn’t been able to get rid of it since I’d read my father’s diary.
“Ever since I came here,” I tried again, “I’ve had a feeling that something was awake in me. That there’s something not right in this house. And now I don’t think it’s the house; I think it’s me.” I ran out of thoughts, because this was as far as I’d ever allowed my speculation—my hope—to go.
Waiting, in the cold and the moonlight, for Dean to speak was agonizing.
“Won’t lie to you,” he said at length. “I’ve been up and down the highways once or twice, princess. I’ve seen some sights that weren’t born from the necrovirus.” He nodded, as if he’d decided something final. “I’d believe in an enchanted book, I think. I’d believe in magic.”
Dean believed me. He made one person, one person in the entire world. Which frankly didn’t comfort me much. “What can I do?” I cried. “I can’t very well tell anyone besides you. I don’t know if I have this … this Weird or if Conrad does or if we’re all just … unnatural.”
“Here’s what you do, see,” Dean said. “Before you go fretting about measuring up to the old man, you gotta be sure.”
I blew on my hands to warm them, then tucked them into my pockets. I was growing used to the cold. Dean not running as far as he could when I’d brought up enchantments helped a bit. And his not recoiling from me and throwing out that hateful word: mad. “I’m sure,” I told him. “I can feel it whispering to me when I’m in Graystone. It’s like having an aethervox in my head, and you can just hear something coming across the spectrum.…”
“Then I suggest you find out what your game is,” Dean said. “Way I dig it, sorcerers are supposed to have some kind of affinity, right?”
“I’m not a sorcerer!” I snapped. “It’s not even a real thing.”
“Fine, fine,” Dean said. “But I’m telling you now—‘Weird’ don’t sound any better.” He tapped his chin. “What was your old man’s?”
“Fire, I think.” I recalled the passage about the shandy-man and its burning. “He was vague.”
Dean cocked an eyebrow. “Think you could be fire? Make you real handy at bonfire parties.”
I had to shake my head, and at once the prospect of embracing the wild, untested truth of my possessing a Weird didn’t seem so outlandish. “No, it’s not that. I can’t even get the thrice-damned coal grates in this place to go.” Now that I was thinking about the subject, it was vexing me.
“You’ll figure it out,” Dean said, hunching inside his leather against the stiff breeze that had come up. “The one thing you aren’t, besides crazy, is dumb.”
I took Dean’s hand this time and squeezed it hard, hoping my gesture telegraphed the waterfall of words that I couldn’t get out, except one sentence. “Thank you.”
His hand stiffened in surprise under my grasp. “What’s the thanks for, princess? I didn’t do anything.”
“You believe me,” I said. “No one has ever done that, just believed me. Without any questions.”
Dean brushed his thumb under my chin. “You’re all right, Aoife Grayson. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”
I turned back to the vista over the valley, watching the aether fires burn. Dean stayed next to me and we watched for a long time, the only sound between us the wind and the faraway howling of ghouls.
18
The Dark Place of Dreaming
IN MY ROOM, I changed into nightclothes and turned the flow down on the aether globes, crawling into bed with the aid of moonlight. The sheets were new and scented with lavender instead of must—Bethina must have crept in when I was in the hidden library and cleaned up after me. Another first.
I turned on my side and watched clouds skate across the moon through the crack in my drapery. Wherever Conrad was, he saw the same moon. That comforted me, a little.
It wasn’t, however, enough comfort to dull my thoughts about my Weird. I’d wished for so long not to be mad, to keep the necrovirus in my blood at bay, that what I’d found in the journal seemed like a wish fulfilled rather than a hope. A wispy, intangible thing, a theory rather than a proof. The Weird might be fiction, a product of my father’s teenage fancy as easily as it might be the solution to all of my troubles.
In spite of my mind whirling, the day of discovery proved stronger, and sleep was a fast and true partner.
The madness dream was always the same. I walked through the empty streets of Lovecraft, empty except for the creatures that skulked in the shadows of my real city, my home. Nightjars walked in broad daylight. Springheel jacks shed their human skin and let their long-jawed animal snouts scent the air. The deep-sea aquanoids that swam in the waters off Innsmouth and Nantucket stared at me with glassy, gibbous eyes.
In this Lovecraft, I was alone. In this Lovecraft, only the necrovirus shadowed my footsteps.
I’d had the dream a dozen times, a hundred times. It wasn’t even a dream, because dreams come from a person’s brain and I knew deep down that this one came directly from my madness.
It had no meaning, except that I was indeed doomed to Nerissa and Conrad’s fate. Nerissa saw things. Conrad heard voices. Neither of them had a strange magic in their blood. Just a virus. I wanted to believe my father, but what if he was just as insane?
I dreamed. And I would lie to everyone about the dream, until the day came that I couldn’t lie anymore.
As I dreamed I walked, through Uptown and down Derleth Street to the river, watching the red water bubble and hiss, the ghouls came out of their holes to urge me onward, hunched and hissing like a nightmare honor guard.
Every time I reached the riverbank in the dream—and I always reached it—I tried to throw myself in, to swim and escape or drown and forget. I was never certain which. But every time, the ghouls closed in on me before I could do it, their clammy paws holding me back and their rubbery tongues making my bare skin slick.
Only this time, when I reached the riverwalk where Dunwich Lane and the arcade separated, a figure waited for me.
I’d have recognized the tall stooped body, the raven hair straight as my own was messy, the nervous tapping of finger on leg anywhere. My throat constricted, and the ghouls around me hissed and snarled to fill the silence. They ranged in size from child to full-grown wolf, some hunched on four legs and others walking upright like men. Any of them could have torn me asunder, but they stayed far clear of the figure at the river.
I found a whisper, little more than an aquanoid’s croak from cold and terror. “Conrad?”
My brother didn’t face me, just tilted his head so that the silver sun, eternally blinded by cloud cataracts in this dark dreaming world, caught his profile.
“It’s really me, Aoife.”
I stopped a few feet from him. At my heels, the ghouls closed in, but I ignored them. They weren’t as important as this new turn the dream had taken. They could eat me in their good time, as long as I spoke to Conrad.
“Conrad, I found it. I found the witch’s alphabet like you asked me. Tell me how to—”
“Wake up, Aoife.” His voice was flat and far away, like it was coming from an aethervox rather than his throat.
“Conrad, you have to tell me what to do,” I begged. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know how to find you.”
“Wake up, Aoife,” Conrad repeated. “It’s not real. Wake up.”
“I know it’s the necrovirus—” I started.
“It’s not real, Aoife,” Conrad snarled. “I was wrong. Stop trying to find me.”