“Trust, huh?” I ask, but decide not to push the issue until I have some more information.
“Yeah,” he says. “The problem, like I said, is that you never really know whether the other person is worthy of that trust. I guess that’s why we learn to trust people in the first place. Otherwise we’d all be paranoid of each other all the time. Still, I trusted Amy, enough to want to marry her, but that turned out to be pretty fucking stupid.”
“So, what would you do if you found yourself in a new relationship and you found out that your partner was hiding something from you?” I ask.
“Did you start dating someone recently?” he returns.
“No,” I tell him, “nothing like that. I guess I’m just curious. It’s been so long since I’ve had a real relationship that I’m just trying to figure out if I’d even be good in one.”
“I think you would,” he says, taking a drink. He swallows and wipes his mouth, adding, “I think your willingness to admit your own limitations should tell you that you’re ready for something more serious.”
“Is that what you want?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you just got out of a relationship that ended so badly, I’m just wondering if you still have faith that they can work,” I explain.
“Oh yeah,” he says. “All that crap aside, I think relationships have the potential to be wonderful things. The problem, in my view, is that so often, people get into something wanting to change the other person or thinking that it’s even possible to change another person without him or her being really ready and willing to do the work themselves. I think that’s what dooms most relationships. In the end, the person never really changes, so you either go into denial or you grow so resentful that you end up wanting to blow the whole thing up.”
“Is that what happened with you and Amy?” I ask.
“To be honest, I don’t know what happened with Amy and me. Alec keeps telling me that he saw something was wrong from the beginning, and to his credit, that’s true. The only thing is that with him, he thinks that anyone who’s not in at least a semi-open relationship isn’t doing it right,” he answers.
“So you’re the monogamous type?” I ask.
“I haven’t always been,” he answers, “but as I started growing up and seeing what it was that I actually wanted from a relationship, I realized that it wasn’t something I could really have with more than one person. I think relationships like the one Alec and Irene have are great for some people, but they’re not for everyone. They’re not for me.”
“Would you like another drink?” I ask him.
I’m not going to lie: I am trying to get him drunk. People tend to be more malleable when they’re intoxicated.
“Sure,” he says. “I hardly tasted the alcohol in that at all. Would you mind putting in a little bit more next time? When I can’t taste the booze in a drink, I always get worried that I’m going to end up drinking too much without knowing it.”
“Sounds like we both have control issues,” I tell him, taking his glass.
He chuckles. “Maybe so,” he says. “What about you?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“You said that you’re single, but it sounds like you might have someone in mind. Anyone I know?” he asks.
Boy, he’s starting to push it. I don’t know if it’s the booze or if he’s actually trying to make his move, but I’m going to have to keep on my toes if I’m going to learn whatever it is I’m trying to learn.
“I don’t know,” I tell him coyly. “I guess I’m more open to the idea than I used to be, but I still think it would have to be on my terms.”
“What are your terms?” he asks.
“Well, like you,” I tell him, mixing the drink, “I think that honesty’s a must. I think I’d have a really hard time being with someone who would lie or knowingly withhold the truth from me.”
I wonder if he’ll get the hint and come clean.
“It’s an important quality,” he says. “What else?”
That’s a no.
“I’d want someone who doesn’t think of my ambitions as a liability,” I tell him. “Sure, I’m starting to delegate more and all that, but I still have a lot that I want to accomplish in my life, and if I were to start dating someone, I think they’d have to really be okay with that from the get-go.”
“I’ve always been really attracted to driven women,” he says. “I think it’s important for people to be passionate, to have things that they want to accomplish.”
“Is that why you took over your company?” I ask.
“Kind of,” he says. “I think the real reason is that it’s been in the family since my grandfather, and if I didn’t take it, it was going to go to someone else.”
“So you’re trying to keep the family business alive, then?” I ask, handing him his second drink, this one with not two, but three shots in it.
I’m going to get the truth out of him one way or another.
“I guess so,” he answers and takes a sip. “Shit, I think this might be a little far the other way.”
“Well,” I tell him, “the best we can do without wasting anything is for you to take a couple more drinks and then I’ll start filling it back up with orange juice.”
I think he’s starting to suspect that I’m digging for something, but the look on his face is hardly one of certainty.
“I guess my big drive in life has been to fulfill other people’s drives,” he says. “I’ve never really thought of it that way, but really, I am kind of living my father’s life.”
“Why not change it then?” I ask. “If I can make changes, I’m sure you can.”
“It’s not that simple,” he says. “José could very easily take over, but I’m really not in a position where I could afford to sell the company, and I don’t think he’s in a position where he could buy it.”
“What would it take for you to follow your dreams?” I ask.
“I don’t know that this isn’t my dream,” he answers and takes another gulp of his drink. I fill it back to the top with orange juice.
“I thought you said you were living your father’s life,” I respond.
“Yeah,” he says, “but my father had a great life. I mean, I don’t do everything that he’s done and I do a lot of things that he’d never dream of.”
“Like going home and getting drunk with your boss?” I ask.
“No,” he says, taking another sip, “that’s something he did all too much. That’s kind of what made things difficult with him and my mom.”
“Divorced?” I ask, but quickly add, “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business.”
“It’s fine,” he says. “They were talking about getting a divorce, but when mom came down with cancer, he did the right thing and stuck with her.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him.
I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about the fact that my own mother has cancer, even though all indications point to her being fine. I can’t imagine what it must be like to actually lose a parent.
“It is what it is,” he says, taking a drink.
“Want another one?” I ask.
“I think I should probably slow down,” he says. “When it comes to liquor, I’m a cheap date.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I tell him, shooting for inscrutable.
“What about your parents?” he asks clumsily.
“What about them?” I return.
“Are they still together? I don’t know, that’s really none of my business. I just thought I’d—”
“They’re still together,” I tell him. I plan to stop there, but the juxtaposition of the cancer comment with his direct question regarding my parents is hitting me pretty hard. “My mom just found out that she has cancer and, to tell you the truth, I’m pretty freaked out about it.”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “What kind does she have?”
“Chondrosarcoma,” I answer. “It affects bones and joints. From what I know, they didn’t exactly catch it as early as they would have liked, but it looks like her chances are pretty good.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he says.
“What kind did your mom have?” I ask. “Really, if you don’t want to talk about it, we can change the—”