"How would he know anything?" Nap asked.
I guess Wilma hadn't told him everything. That was good. "Forget it."
"I think it was just Stadanko being careful." Now Nap's voice sounded far away. "Remember, this run was going to have to last him, so he had to be thinking how vulnerable he was. All that money moving over all those miles…" He stopped, getting his strength. ''… from the various stops the truck had to make to collect the dough." Nap quit talking like he was used up.
"We'll find out." I listened for anything. The rats were moving around and there was water dripping back there in the deeper darkness too. It was getting cold. How long did we have to wait?
"I'm going to use some of my money to start a scholarship."
I laughed. "Now I know you must going crazy, Negro."
He moved his head from side to side. "No, man, if I get out of this I know I have to atone."
"You been watching Reverend Fred Price again, huh?"
"I'm serious as cancer, Zee. I have to make up for what I've done. That's why God let me be shot up, so I could realize what I had to do." He stopped for so long I thought he'd passed out again. But then he went on.
"Don't you remember when you were young and it was so exciting to play? How it felt to be standing in line and be picked for dodge ball or baseball? How the other kids knew from seeing us before that we had something, that extra spark, the promise of talent that made them say to themselves, 'Yeah, I have to make sure that guy is on my team'?"
"And getting to be a star in high school," I said. I didn't want to think back but couldn't help it.
"The world was ours for the asking," Nap said. "But we still played because we dug it, man, because the game was something that set us apart from the crowd. We felt good going down the field with the other guys 'cause we knew we were part of a team, part of something special."
"Yeah, you're right, Nap."
"God wants me to do better, Zee. He wants me to help make the same thing possible for some poor kids. I have no choice."
Talk of being all holy always got under my skin. And it was worse with us sitting in the dark, shivering and hungry and wounded. That's how them Christians wanted you to be, all wracked up, shit looking lost. So naturally you had to call on De Lawd to save your pathetic ass 'cause who else would come and wipe your nose in the middle of the night?
"Man, Burroughs gonna dig the slugs out of you, then shoot you up with some of his homemade happy formula. After that, you'll be thinkin' about all the pussyoh, I'm sorry, in your case,
Nap, all the poon tang and hairy bootyyou'll be gettin' with your new money."
Nap kinda coughed, trying to laugh. Then there was a pause. I did it, Zee, I killed Davida."
"You trippin'."
"She knew about me and Ysanya."
"How?" I flashed on that tape I'd seen of Davida back at Stadanko's cabin and figured he might be telling me straight.
"Pablo, of all people. He didn't mean it, of course."
"Oh, Pablo was knockin' boots with her too, Nap? I thought he only liked to be poled."
Nap coughed and laughed that time. "He does. But they were drinking together at the club one night. You know, chicks like talking to queens as if they have some special insight into the female condition. Anyway, the lad really can't hold his liquor, and he blurted out about me and Ysanya."
"Why'd you tell him for anyway?"
"Another bad move in hindsight, but pillow talk has done many a man in, I suppose. So he blabs this to Davida, and you know that girl, no matter how tipsy she was, if it was an angle she could use to advance her career she'd hold onto that information."
"You got that right, home." We didn't say anything for a minute, the only sound coming from the rats and the water. I looked to the left and could see one of the little vultures climbing on a stack of money Guard rat.
"Davida sweated you for cash after that, didn't she?"
Nap tried to sit up but couldn't. "I offered to make her a partner, but she said it would take too long to get her dough. She knew this producer was playing her, Zee. All she wanted was enough scratch to finance her album. She didn't really want much. And she was never nasty about it, you know how she was."
"Yes I do."
"She'd call up asking me for a little more or maybe to make a phone call for her."
I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard a car driving around. It had been five hours since we'd holed up in here. Could there still be cops outside, going over the ground again and again? What if they brought back dogs?
"So how come you offed her, Nap?" I suppose I should have been upset but I wasn't. I was pissed that Fahrar, that motherfuckah, had been on me, but I didn't expect Nap to call him up and confess.
"She wasn't getting where she wanted to go." Nap's breathing didn't sound too good. "She called me all wired that Tuesday. I could tell she'd been doing some lines."
That was the day we'd had our fight, but I didn't say anything.
"She was threatening to tell Stadanko if I didn't come up with some real money."
A car door slammed and I could hear footsteps. "Hush up, Nap."
"I decided I'd meet her way out so no one would see us." Nap kept talking, his voice very soft. I listened for anything.
"I don't really know what happened, Zee. She wouldn't believe how deep I was into Stadanko and Chekka. She was too wound up, she'd been doing more coke. Then she offered me sex right there, in the parking structure right behind the building we were at. This was during working hours, man." He coughed some more. I heard another car stop and I got scared. "Of course I was game, the riskier the better, right?"
"Right." It had to be cops.
"We were going at it on the hood of her car. You know how she liked it, rough and rougher."
"So it was an accident." I moved closer to where Nap was laying.
"It would be good if I could think so." Nap starting crying. "But as we were doing it, as I had her panties around her throat, getting her off, she laughed, saying she was going to fuck me all kinds of ways." He hacked up who knows what from his lungs. "I just wanted to be done with her. Even then I was thinking about busting some kind of move against Chekka and Stadanko to get out from under. Her harassing me could go on way too long."
I heard voices up top. I got close to Nap. "I understand, man. She got on my last nerve too. But right now you gotta be quiet until I make sure who's up there."
If he heard me it didn't make any difference. He let his side go, grabbed his head, and started wailing again. "Aw, man, God wants me to do better, Zee. He's taken me to the brink to teach me right from wrong." From somewhere strength came into him and he grabbed me, holding me close to his chest. "We've got to repent, Zee. We've got to use the money for more than just us."
He was hollering so loud I didn't know what to do. I heard the footsteps again, and it sounded like someone was coming down the hill. "Shut up, Nap, you've got to shut up," I whispered in his face, scared like I didn't know what.
Nap got me in a bear hug, his big arms suddenly filled with an energy I was shocked to see he still had. The pain in my back almost made me pass out as Nap crushed me. "Nap, Nap, come to yourself, man."
"Jesus is calling on us, Zee. He knows what we've done."
"Nap," I cried out despite the footsteps. My hands went to his throat in the dark, his sweat and blood all over me. His breath was rotten and he had me very tight in his grip. I let go of his throat, trying to pry myself loose. Our bodies shifted and I got leverage over him.