They broke the surface, Ellie gasping, Ben coughing and choking.
‘I’ve got you,’ she said.
She leaned back and pulled him with her arm around his chest, her other arm making deep strokes in the water, her legs kicking hard under his body. Ben was limp in her embrace to begin with, then slowly began to stroke with his right arm, the one he had free of her body. Between them they started to get some momentum, small surges through the wash, every stroke taking them a few inches closer to land.
‘Sorry,’ Ben spluttered through the water.
Ellie shook her head and whispered in his ear. ‘Don’t speak.’
She shot a glance behind her. The shore was seventy yards away. She felt the muscles in her thighs and calves begin to cramp up, burning spasms. She rested a moment then kicked again, the pain returning stronger, her arms thrashing in the water, the waves bobbing over their mouths as they slipped under then came back up for breath, salt on her lips. More strokes, more kicks, the last of her energy draining, Ben’s too, she could feel it, just keep going, keep stroking and kicking and breathing. Stroke, stroke, stroke. Gasp for air. Her lungs heaving, legs on fire, arms like jelly, Ben’s back on her chest, the two of them a single entity fighting to stay alive.
She snuck a glance behind. Forty yards. They were moving excruciatingly slowly now, hardly making headway, their heads dropping below the surface, then back up, necks strained to gulp in air. All Ellie could hear was her heartbeat in her ears, roaring. She kicked and kicked but her muscles refused to respond, constant cramp and spasm, no energy left. They ducked under the water again and Ellie thrashed her arm and legs, trying to get back to the surface. Ben was a dead weight on top of her now, pushing down on her chest. Her lungs ached and she longed to breathe, the urge to open her mouth almost overpowering. She kicked through the pain, through the cramp, sweeping her hand out, moving upwards inch by inch, so close to the surface she could almost smell the salty air, her muscles seizing up all along her legs from her groin to her toes.
She broke the surface, heaved in air, thrashed her limbs, panic filling her mind, kicking and pushing through pain like she’d never experienced before, Ben still in her grasp, his head lolling backwards.
They went under again, Ellie gulping in a mix of air and water as they sank. Her body was empty, utterly drained, as she stroked weakly and tried to muster her legs to move.
She kicked out for what felt like the last time she could manage, and felt pebbles scrabble and tumble under her toes. She threw her leg out again, scuffed her heel against the bottom, tried to get purchase, kicking towards shore, kicking to get her footing. She lost balance and sank down again, Ben’s body pressing on her, then she began to get a solid footing on the stones, eventually managing to dig her heels in until she was suddenly standing, her feet on the ground, her body connected with the solid earth, as she hauled Ben with her.
‘Ben,’ she said. ‘We’ve done it.’
He didn’t speak, didn’t open his eyes.
She felt ground under her feet as she walked backwards. The cramp surged through her calves and thighs. She grabbed Ben by the scruff of his wetsuit and dragged him towards the beach, staggering and stumbling as her legs gave way, her arms numb.
She got him to the edge of the beach and collapsed next to him.
‘Ben.’
Nothing.
She rolled him on to his side, hit his back hard.
Nothing.
‘Fuck’s sake.’
She put him on his back, pinched his nose, tilted his head and placed her mouth on his. She’d seen in an advert somewhere that you didn’t do that any more, but fuck it, that’s the way she’d been taught.
Stopped and pushed on his chest six times. Six elephants.
Went back to his mouth, did the same again.
Then the chest.
Nothing.
She slapped his face hard. ‘Come on, Ben.’
She pinched his nose again, breathed into his mouth, taking large gulps of air in between and blowing till her cheeks burned.
She hammered his chest, six thrusts, this time pushing with all her might, imagining his chest cavity collapsing under the force, her hands grasping through the ribs, her fingers wrapping tight around his heart, squeezing it back to life.
Still nothing. She punched his chest.
‘Don’t leave me, you fucker,’ she shouted.
She gave him mouth to mouth once more. Pictured her breath streaming into his lungs, dissipating into his bloodstream.
She pushed on his chest, throwing all her weight behind it.
One. ‘Come on.’
Two. ‘Live.’
Three. ‘Fucking live.’
Four. ‘I need you to live.’
He coughed and gasped, seawater spouting out his mouth as his chest began to rise and fall. He wheezed air into his lungs then turned his head to the side and puked into the pebbles, gulping in air and groaning.
Ellie slumped over his body, spent.
‘Jesus,’ he gasped.
‘Thank God,’ Ellie said, her body shaking.
Ben lay there for a long time with his eyes closed, drawing breath like it was the sweetest taste on earth.
Eventually he opened his eyes and turned his head.
‘You saved me,’ he said, his voice just a whisper.
37
She didn’t know how long they lay there getting their breath back, trying to stop their arms and legs from shaking. The relief was overwhelming and Ellie found herself laughing as she stared at thick white clouds flitting across the sky.
‘What are you laughing at?’ Ben said.
She turned to him as if they were lying in bed together, a couple making small talk. ‘I don’t know.’
The sound of her laugh scared the deer. There was a shuffle of hooves, legs swishing through grass and the herd scattered into the woods.
Ellie stood up, her footing uncertain on the pebbles, and looked out to sea.
She couldn’t see the Porpoise.
‘We did it.’
Ben pushed on to his elbows then sat up, holding his hand out for help.
‘Here,’ Ellie said, pulling him up.
He got his balance and followed her gaze. Just the grey-brown motion of the water, the never-ending undulations of it, the shifting patterns of waves, forever restless.
But no boat. No hull sticking out, no rigging slapping the waves, nothing.
‘It sank,’ Ben said.
‘It did.’
Ellie scanned the grounds behind them. No one about. A small beach, a grassy field next to it, then some thin forest along the coast heading east.
‘We need to get back,’ she said. ‘Are you OK to walk?’
Ben nodded.
They picked their way off the beach and into the field. It was a couple of miles straight back to Port Edgar, but they’d have to take a detour once they left the grounds of Hopetoun House, avoid the coast road by heading up through higher fields and woods. The stately home hosted expensive weddings and business meetings, and Ellie smiled as she imagined a wedding party coming across two strangers in wetsuits and bare feet staggering into shot for their photographs outside the big mansion.
They walked to the end of Bog Wood then left the grounds of the house, sticking to the coast. After a while they cut round the back of Society Point, the same houses Ellie had walked past when Jack dropped her off out this way. She thought of Jack lying at the bottom of the Forth, weighed down, fish nosing at him.
They cut across the road and into a field, picking their way between cowpats. Only a thin row of trees gave them cover from a factory and office to their right. To the left was East Shore Wood, but they couldn’t risk going further in, Ellie knew from jogging that dog walkers used it. They cut across Linn Mill and through more fields. Under tree cover they scurried across Society Road and walked down until they met Shore Road, the back way into Port Edgar.