Because I am dedicated to love I have but one love, the beautiful container of my life. My heart is a lonely thing ever seeking companionship with yours. It is lost to you, so let it beat in your breast nestled against your heart, for there it surely belongs. My love is wholesome, not tainted by any residue of past affections; it is gentle and pure, therefore treat it with manly tenderness, for it is a precious treasure. I give it gladly and can give no more. That which I give to you I can give to no other man. For you the lovely pearl, for others the empty shell. Let me live just for you, let me serve as your housewife. Let me hold your child to my breast, let my eyes be gladdened by your presence each night and in the morning. Let me bask continuously in the wonderful radiance of your presence. Never part me from the source of my joyfulness and gaiety, but let us go down the corridor of life together, your arm laid on my arm and my hand in your hand.
My heart is desolation, it is like a wilted flower. You are away, my love, and my eyes search the road for your coming. The caress of sleep eludes me, for your image is ever there beside me and I cannot find consolation with even the most comforting shadow. Come to me, my living love, that I may feel the warmth of your flesh and be at peace.
While you are absent I concern myself no more with things which give pleasure to a woman’s heart. I neglect my hair arrangement and my diadem hangs disregarded. My curls are laid aside, for I await your coming to put them on and greet you in my gaiety. The song is silent on my lips, for my heart is without joy. While you are away my heart slumbers, my bosom is empty. Come quickly, my love, that my heart may awaken and beat gladly with the pulse of life. I await your coming as the dawn awaits the sun, as the parched lands await the rising waters.
My eyes search the nightskies and see the mating dance of the stars, the Earth about me throbs with the pulse beat of love. The dark waters reflect the mystery of life, but I sit beside them desolate. Come to me my love, for none but you can awaken my response. I stand alone on the shore of the sea of love, Come, O come, that we may enter the enchanted waters together.
Does the night long for the day as I long for you? Does the thirsty wayfarer long for water as I yearn for you? If so, then truly they are to be pitied. O come, my living love, and fill my days with the sunshine of your love. It seems the ages of man have never been loveless.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT THE SONGS OF NEFATARI Two
Life is the bearer of the most wonderful gifts. You are a man and my man. Maker of my heart’s butterfly flutter when my breath becomes a necklace of sighs. In your strong arms I melt as honey in the warm night waters.
0 man and my man, great one in my maidenly eyes. The light of my life, the sun of my days and the moon of my nights; the rock against which I confidently nestle, for to feel your protecting strength is my everlasting delight. My body yearns for you as the parched fields cry out for the caress of the fertilising waters.
How delightful the gentle hour of love with you. O that it might become an eternity wherein I might sleep with you as your wife, your lifelong companion in love. In this life always yours, to serve your pleasure and be ever with you; to stand at last, my hand in your hand, together before the dream goddess in the Halls of Eternal Joy. There, those who have loved wholesomely, such as we, find everlasting pleasures.
1 am yours, both here and there, escapable never, yours forever. Yours pure, untouched and unsullied. I am with you first, sister in love. If at times my tongue speaks with unmaidenly boldness, then let this be forgiven me, for I am pure of heart. The words pour forth from a heart overflowing with love and not from a tongue dipped into the shame of impure experience.
I come to you with maidenly pride, as a dew-bedecked garden of herbs, fair flowering, sweet smelling and refreshing. Peace and contentment are mine to gladly give. Upon you I gladly bestow all that is precious to a maiden. You share me with no other, I honour love by bestowing what is exclusively yours. Your brow becomes hot with the body passion of man burning within, and I cool it with my womanly hand as the cooling north wind tempers the heat of the burning sands. The strength of an ox and the gentleness of a kitten are united in love.
We walk together in a land of beauty, a garden of loveliness fashioned thus by the dreams we share. Hand in hand in the kingdom of men, heart in heart in the kingdom of spirit. When hearts are bound together in a love exceeding all bounds, then bodies may unite with purity and peace. We wander heedlessly about and my heart sings with joy, for we are together.
Your voice is the food of my heart, your touch the life of my body. I see you and I am gay, you depart and I am sad. Your glance pierces me like an arrow of fire, your words carry me away like the surge of bitter waters over the beach.
For the lovers’ hour we sit beneath the wild fig tree, beneath its fruits of lovers’ blood and its leaves of lovers’ eyes. Hear it whisper to our hearts. I am a maiden reserved to you in love, you are my lord, the commander of my heart. I dwell beneath your shadow and within your shadow. O never leave me unshielded! My nights are restless and hot, shall I give my love the apple of his desire, the first fruits of womanly love? Am I the wild bird snare awaiting the wild goose? O my heart, how have women beyond number decided before me which answer is the true one?
0 take me not in my weakness, lest you despise me after the manner of men and bring low the head of my father. Have manly compassion on the weaknesses made by my love. Degrade me not before my mother and let not the shadow of shame fall over my father’s house. Let me ever keep faith with the Mother Guardian of Love, that when I am called before her I shall stand in unsullied radiance. Make me not a woman of the hedgerow.
Let our love bear us up in glory, up into the revealing light where we may stand together, proud and unashamed. Let ours be a love that fulfils its appointed function in the great chain of life, something honoured by men and an inspiration to our children. Let it not become a flower of the field corner which withers in shame when the sunlight falls upon it.
1 wait, the day comes, its hours are long and extended, but with its declining you hasten to me, my man and my life. Sweet mistress of love, speed the fulfilling hour.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE THE SONGS OF TANTALIP One
The night rolls back to reveal the promise of another day. The great sun comes up in the morning time and the
lotus opens to reveal its shining heart displayed in devotion. You come and my heart leaps up from my breast to meet you.
The wind blows and shakes the wild fig tree, you come and your delicate perfume enwraps my spirit, and my body is shaken. I become weak within the shadow of your presence. I feel a radiance about you which calls to something within me and I am awed by the wonder of a love which can subdue all base feelings. I have seen you. In the cool dewtime of the morning I passed on my way and you were bathing in the freshening waters. I saw your pure loveliness and all else faded and passed from me, the beauty of the morning was dimmed before the vision I had of you. Modest maiden of mine, clad in a white garment which clutched your supple limbs, I saw you and my heart swelled up in joy. The breath was stopped within my throat. You looked up and smiled a chaste greeting, covering yourself in a garment expressing your maidenly modesty. Your delicate hand plucked a lily, and my heart left its cradle when you came up out of the waters and drew near. You embraced me with cool, glistening arms and open wet lips. I savoured the joys of the gods, with a greater promise of unutterable joys to come, before I continued on my way. Would that I were the fishes in the pool, that I might be so near to you twice daily.