I went towards it.
It certainly looked eerie. I remembered the stories Jago had told me about the departed spirits who were said to inhabit old mines. Here, alone on the moors with the wind whistling through the grass, I could understand the reason why people were affected by old superstitions.
I approached near to the edge of the shaft. The wind sounded like hollow laughter. I drew back and looked about me. I could see right to the horizon on one side; on the other the view was blocked by several tall boulders.
I turned my horse away and as I did so I heard the sound of horse’s hoofs and then someone was calling my name.
At first I thought I had imagined it or that it was one of those departed spirits Jago had said were called knackers. But the voice was familiar and among the boulders I saw the rider picking his way through the stones.
It was Paul.
“Good morning, Caroline,” he said.
“Good morning. I thought I was quite alone.”
“I was going to call on you and I saw you taking the path to the moor. You shouldn’t go too near the old mine shaft.”
“It seems safe enough.”
“You can never be sure. It’s supposed to be haunted.”
“That makes me all the more eager to have a look at it.”
“There’s nothing much to see. About fifty years ago someone fell down the shaft and was killed. It was on a misty night. People said he had fallen out with a witch.”
“I know no witches and it is clear sunshine today, so I was perfectly safe.”
He had come up to me and was carrying his hat in his hand. The wind caught at his dark hair and his heavy-lidded eyes regarded me solemnly.
“It’s a great pleasure to see you,” he said and his voice vibrated with feeling.
It moved me, piercing my indifference. It made me more and more certain of my feelings for him and I was angry with myself for allowing my emotions to take control over my common sense; and I turned my anger on him.
“Congratulations,” I said.
He raised his strongly marked brows questioningly.
“For acquiring Landower,” I said. “You must be proud of all the restoration.”
He looked at me reproachfully and said: “The house will now stand safely for another two hundred years and be kept in the family.”
“A great achievement. Surely worthy of congratulation.”
“I was going to tell you about my marriage when we were in France.”
“Oh? What made you decide not to?”
“I found it very difficult to speak of it.”
“Why should you? It was all so natural, wasn’t it?”
I turned my horse and started to walk away from the mine shaft. He was beside me. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“You are talking to me.”
“Seriously.”
“Why don’t you then?”
“You’re not as you were when we were in France. That was a very happy time for me, Caroline.”
“Yes,” I said. “It was pleasant. Of course there was that unfortunate accident.”
“You suffered no ill effects?”
“None.”
“It helped us to get to know each other better.”
“I don’t think it helped me to know you.”
“You mean …”
“Not as well as I do now,” I said coolly.
“I think you must know that I have a very special feeling for you, Caroline.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh come, let’s be honest. Let’s be frank. Here we are alone on the moors. There is none to overhear us.”
“Only the knackers, the spirits and the ghosts.”
“When we were in France, that little time we spent together … it’s something I shall never forget. I’ve thought about you ever since. It was after that that everything seemed to become intolerable.”
I interrupted: “I don’t think you should talk to me like this. You should remember that you are married very satisfactorily … very conveniently.”
“I should never have done it.”
“What! When you saved Landower for the Landowers!”
“I hesitated for a long time. So much depended on it. My father … Jago … the tenants …”
“And yourself.”
“And myself.”
“I understand perfectly. I believe I told you when we were in France that I had been engaged to be married and when my fiance discovered that I had no fortune he decided that he could not marry me. You see, I know the ways of the world.”
“You are cynical, Caroline, and somehow it doesn’t suit you.”
“I am realistic and that is how I want to be.”
“I wish it could have been different.”
“You mean … you wish that you could go back to the days before your marriage. Then you would also go on living in your farmhouse. I’m sure you don’t wish that.”
“Can I explain to you what Landower means to my family?”
“It’s not necessary. I know. I understand.”
“I had to do it, Caroline.”
“I know. You bought Landower from the Arkwrights just as they bought it from you—only the currency used was different. The transaction was just the same. It is all perfectly clear. No explanations are needed. I could see last night that you were a little dissatisfied. Perhaps I am talking too frankly. It’s being here on the moors, I suppose. I feel quite apart from the world of polite society. Do you?”
“Yes,” he replied. “That’s why I’m talking as I am.”
“We have to go back to the real world,” I said, “where we study the conventions of polite society. You should not reveal so much and I should be speaking in a guarded fashion. We should be discussing the weather prospects and those of the harvests instead of which … I must go back.”
“Caroline …”
I turned to look at him. I said: “You made your bargain. You got what you wanted. You have to go on paying for it. After all it was a very costly purchase.”
I felt so bitter and unhappy that I wanted to hurt him. I knew that I could have loved him more deeply than I ever had Jeremy. I was mature now. When Jeremy had jilted me my feelings for him had quickly turned to hatred. Yet here was Paul as mercenary as Jeremy and yet I had to fight my impulses to take his hand, to caress him, to comfort him.
I could see danger ahead and I was filled with apprehension. I must not let him know how deeply he affected me.
I galloped across the moor. I could hear his horse’s hoofs thundering along behind me. The wind pulled at my hair and I thought how different it could have been. And I almost wept with frustration. I could have loved him and I believe he could have cared for me; and between us there was Landower, which had had to be saved, and Gwennie, who had bought him so that he was bound to her for the rest of their lives.
The moorland scenery was changing, growing less wild. Now we were in the country lanes.
He said: “I hope that nothing will interfere with our friendship, Caroline.”
I said shortly: “We are neighbours … as long as I am here.”
“You don’t mean that you are going away?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I am not certain.”
“But Miss Tressidor spoke as though you were going to make your home with her.”
“I really don’t know what will happen.”
“You must stay,” he said.
“It won’t make any difference to you whether I go or stay.”
“It will make all the difference to me.”
I wanted to make some bitter retort but I could not. I wondered if he noticed that my lips trembled. He might have. We were walking our horses side by side.
I did not want him to know how deeply he affected me.
I could see it all so clearly: the passion between us growing, becoming irresistible; secret meetings; secret guilt; Gwennie probing; servants prying. Oh no. I must not allow that to happen.