“And then I must tell you about Madame Chaufignard. She is an elegant, vivacious brunette with a soft, fleshy body and her hot, passionate eyes will not leave you in doubt as to what she is after. She was the one who constantly kneeled throughout the Mass.”
“Oh, that one. Yes, I have seen her.”
“Well, this female has a 'block,' and she can only come when you rub or lick her tickler. A miserable history. You can go miles out of your way without any results. Besides, you can never compete with that dog of hers.”
“With her dog?”
“Oh, of course, you could not have known that… Yes, I have given Madame Chaufignard the nickname, 'Doggiebride.' And I can also tell you why. I had been trying to fuck that woman for weeks, and had no success whatsoever. Spying on her, I noticed that she would go out every day to lover's lane, but she would select a time that nobody would be there. It is a rather lonely spot, a mile or so out of town. One day, I decided to go ahead of her, and I hid under some bushes, close to the tree where she always used to sit. I waited. Soon she appeared. Her eyes were half-closed, she gazed into the distance, in short, she behaved like a woman who is about to experience the delights of carnal pleasure. She carried her little dog, a miserable dachshund, a book and a little bag. Dog, book and bag undoubtedly had to mean something. The title of the book was, 'Sister Paloma, the Lesbian,' and the little bag was filled with whipped cream! She was about six feet away from me when she sat down. Obviously, she had no idea that I was hiding in the bushes. She was leaning against a tree and I could see the delightful outline of her delicious body. Then she lifted her skirts high above her knees, took a handful of whipped cream out of the bag, and began to rub it on the inside of her legs, the lips of her pussy, and the inside of her vagina. Then she opened the book about Sister Paloma, kissed her dachshund upon its snout and whispered, 'All right, Mamma's little sugar doll, quickly, clean up the little hole…' And the mutt disappeared quick as lightning under her skirts.
“A few moments went by; deep silence… it seemed as if the entire forest was asleep. Suddenly the lady cried out, 'Aaah, Oooh, Eeeek!'
“I could follow the entire scene. First, as if she were dying, I heard 'ah! ah!' then, shaking and quickly, 'oh! oh!' and finally, half unconscious and nervously, 'yes, oh yes… more, please, more… deeper, go deeper, quick, quicker.' Finally her thighs began to move slowly, then Madame Chaufignard's entire body began to spasm. Her head lolled from left to right, from right to left, her shoulders shuddered, her buttocks tried to bury themselves into the soft grass, and her heels drummed the rhythm of our national anthem!
“While she underwent these voluptuous cramps, Sister Paloma, the Lesbian, had fallen in the bushes. The beautiful woman opened her eyes a little and lifted them gratefully toward Heaven. Her face was as white as an altar candle, she was breathing deeply, beads of sweat dripped from her forehead and her entire body trembled. Leaning against the tree trunk, she passed out cold. The satisfied woman and her dachshund soon were sound asleep.”
“And you could watch that scene without raping her, or at least jacking off?”
“Yes, I could. When I saw this beautiful sinner tossing and twitching, I became so hot and horny, and I got such a tremendous hard-on that I could no longer contain myself and I came before I had had a chance to make my presence know. Of course, I needed a little time to recuperate myself, and I, too, fell asleep. But, when I woke up, the beautiful Madame Chaufignard had my prick between her lips…
“Our affair dates from that day, though I must admit that it is primarily platonic. I wanted to fuck her right then and there in lover's lane when I noticed that she was blocked…”
“That must be terrible for a woman with her temperament…”
“And do you know why she was kneeling down throughout the entire Mass, looking at you full of devotion?”
“No, I haven't the slightest idea.”
“That is because she had her little dog with her, sitting under her skirts, lapping the whipping cream she had stuffed in her cunt before she came to church. And, my dear friend, I can tell you that she came right during 'Lift up your souls!' ”
“I would have loved to be in the place of that little dog…”
“Then I want to mention Madame Josephine. She is a huge woman, has chestnut brown hair, is about thirty-five years old, and the wife of the mayor. I make a bet that she will be here tomorrow morning early to come to confession and she will try to show you as much of her ample bosom through the peephole in the confessional as she can. If you want to, she will be more than happy to give you a blow job through that hole. She is very good at it. The things she can do with her tongue are out of this world. Charming! I can recommend it! If I were you, I would try it. It is very pleasant to have such a charming woman lick around on the knob of your prick. But beware for her invitation. She wants to get you in her bed and she insists in getting fucked silly. Don't do it, be- o cause the moment you stick it in she shits all over the bed. Then she takes a hand full and smears it on your face. She does lick it off, though, but the whole business is disgusting. Just let her blow you through the hole in the confessional.
“The Baroness de Montauchibre is also one of those who will start a race for possession of your body. She is a good lay, but don't turn her over on her stomach to fuck her in the ass. She has the worst piles and bleeds constantly…
“Her best friend, the Countess de Salfessier, will try anything to see you in the nude. Again, I must warn you… don't do it! Don't even allow her to take your prick in her hand… she bites! I am not kidding you, it is an illness with her. Once she bit me so hard that I thought she had bitten the head off my dong. I had to wear a bandage for at least three weeks.
“There are quite a lot of whores here in this little town, and it would take me days to name them all. I must warn you for one more, namely the Marquise de Finrondin, She gave the syphilis to Father Dardenfeu, your predecessor.
“But now I must go. The gardener's little boy is going to fuck me in the ass and I don't want the little tyke to wait too long. Otherwise he will do it with his friends, and I wind up with nothing. I'll be seeing you!”
Father Duretron scratched his balls, a sure sign that he felt comfortable and happy, and disappeared in search for the gardener's little boy.
CHAPTER X. Menage a Trois
Father Duretron's story about the little boys who fucked him in the ass had made a deep impression upon Father Pineraide.
Indeed, it must be heavenly.
That night, when he took off his clothes to go to bed, he decided that he was going to try it himself as soon as the opportunity offered itself.
He did not have to wait long.
One day he had barely taken off his vestments, when two little choirboys came into the vestry to dress. Pineraide immediately decided to try out Duretron's claim.
He motioned the children to come closer.
“What's your name, little friend?”
“Henry, Monsignor.”
“Good, dear Henry, you may close the door…”
“You want me to lock it, right?”