And, thus far, nobody was asking me anything. I was given information and "suggestions" but nobody was asking me what I thought or how I thought it should be done or, critically, what I was going to need. It was like they thought I could just pull one out of my ass.
I was in a meeting on "potential taskers" that had one of the main generals sitting in it and at one point when they were discussing "communication strategy taskers" I just stood up.
"This is bullshit. And it's got to stop."
"You have a problem with the mission, Bandit Six?" the general asked. He was sort of stern but I could see he was also alarmed. Everyone assumed I was totally going along with "information management." If I wasn't willing to, the whole plan was in the shitter.
"No, sir. I'm up with the mission. My problem is that for the last three critical days I've been getting briefings more or less at random, most of which have been useless and a waste of everyone's time. It's like every department in the Army got a secret message there was going to be a Centurions broadcast and wants to get its two cents in. And, thus far, none of the meetings have been about what I suggest much less what I'm going to need. And those meetings are going to take a long time and there are going to have to be decisions made. And not by committee, General. And may I remind everyone that in less than two weeks my battalion, which is going to be somewhat necessary to this whole jug-fuck, is up for ARTEP. And if it fails said ARTEP, because for example its commander has been sitting in meetings for two weeks, it's not going to be combat certified, rendering all of this moot."
"It's not going to fail the ARTEP," the general said.
"We've been working hard, sir, but . . ."
"No," the general said. "Listen to me. It Will Not Fail The ARTEP. If I have to personally pencil in all the results. Besides, it's a good unit. It will do fine. On that you're just suffering from pre-ARTEP jitters, which is normal. You're a new battalion commander. Had them myself. Your unit is good and will pass ARTEP. If it doesn't, It Will Pass ARTEP. That's been decided at a much higher level than this. Okay, who or what do you need for these meetings?"
"I need . . ." I said then paused. "I'm going to need someone senior from PIO. Someone with a brain and preferably real media experience if that exists. Pretty quickly I'm going to need geeks. Since I don't talk geek, I'm going to need translators from my unit, two sergeants from Bravo. They're still there. I stopped by and said hello already. I'm going to need overhead specialists. I'm going to need Graham and the crew if I can get them. They can come in late. I have an op-plan for this. It's not the op-plan that's been presented. The op-plan presented, especially the 'suggestions' from PIO, will not work. My op-plan will work. Oh, and I need someone senior enough in each of the meetings that require coordination with other departments that when I say 'this is what I need' the person can say 'do it' and it gets done. And eventually I'm going to need a lot of savvy and devoted-to-the-concept eyeballs. Those can't come from my unit and should probably all be geeks. Intel geeks might work. Say an intel battalion. Maybe a DIA unit."
"How short can you make an operational outline?" the general asked.
"Depends on if people are going to joggle my elbow."
"1700. My office. Verbal only. Meeting, and all meetings on this matter for the rest of the day, adjourned."
My op-plan was simple in concept and really complicated in detail. A simple Centurions broadcast would not work. The media was going to be all over the op like shit on stink. We were going to have to not only do a normal Centurions show but on top of it, woven into it, deconstruct most or all incidents of "spin."
Which meant we were going to have to cover the media like stink.
Every photograph from every stringer was going to have to be caught by an Army team who would find the context the stringer was, intentionally or unintentionally, missing. Every broadcast of every news network was going to have to have another camera on it, showing what the cameras were not reporting. When it was impossible to really show that, we were going to have to "craft" imagery that got into the details.
And we were going to have to turn a one-hour show out in nearly real time. Preferably every evening the op was going on. Graphic imagery, script, the thematic elements and step all over the news media's reporting. Since most people still got their news between 5PM and 7PM, and that was when all the really spun news was going to hit the airwaves, we were going to have to do a show while they were spinning. Then show the counter spin. Show the reality they were missing or essentially falsifying.
Waiting until the next day, waiting until the next week, wasn't going to cut it. We had to hit people when they were still gathering their opinions about what they'd seen on the news.
"That's impossible," were the first words out of the mouth of the PIO general in the meeting.
"No, sir," I replied. "Taking Istanbul with a Stryker company was impossible. This will just be very very difficult."
And it was.
So while I was working on all the shit involved in getting combat certified, I was also working on getting that operation ready. And it was a massive fucking exercise. Worse, really, than getting through the ARTEP which, the general was right, was not as hard as I'd expected. I had very good subordinates. Thank God. And the previous commander.
After our inspection by the IG, another hair tearer while I'm simultaneously juggling the "secret" side of what we're going to do, we got our, secret again, orders for our upcoming operation. Finally, I could get the battalion staff working on that op, but I still didn't have them in the loop on the Centurions side.
But it was obvious I was working something else. Most battalion commanders don't go through pre-ARTEP and then ARTEP and ORSE without contributing much but "Uh, huh. Sounds good. Great job. Keep up the good work." Delegation was one thing, this was crazy. They input something. I just didn't have the time.
I finally got the go-ahead to bring the battalion staff in on "Operation New Centurions." And they looked at me like I had two heads. I gave them background. Then I gave them more background. Then I tried to explain what a massive fucking headache it was going to be. And I also explained that while the operation was going on, I was going to be juggling both sides.
We were still waiting for our "combat certification" when the PIO guys started filtering in. They were gathering "background" on people. It quickly became evident that the Centurions thing was starting up again. Sergeants pointed out that talking about it was a bad thing.
The last remaining problem was, we didn't have an outlet. We could release it on the Web but that would only hit a fraction of the available households.
The Army cut a deal with the networks. One broadcast network would get a new Centurions show for free. Each night, 8PM Central, guaranteed broadcast was all that was required. Resale rights would be minimal for cable networks and one cable TV news company could get it for free. But it had to air, guaranteed, without editing. That was the only proviso.
The networks knew they were looking at something radioactive. They also knew that Centurions meant vast numbers of viewers glued to the TV.
In the end the network execs went for the money. They couldn't pass up new Centurions shows.
Fox got the cable news rights. ABC, again, got the broadcast rights. Four or five other minor networks picked it up as well.