They'd gotten the gist that we were pulling out. And, of course, they'd been around for the earth shattering kabooms. The fight, fortunately, hadn't spilled their way but with no defenses and no chance of decent survival if we lost they couldn't have been real happy. And they weren't real happy we were leaving.
People were trying to kiss my hand. I hate that. But they apparently hadn't cared much for HAMB, either.
"We're pulling out. We have a way we can get home."
Hollywood duly translated.
Mullah: That sucks. (This, of course, took about ten minutes.)
Yeah. Well, things suck all over. We're not leaving you in the lurch. You've done good by these people and I hope things go okay for you when we leave. To help with that, we've left all the noncombatant stuff in the base intact. Food, water, a water plant and of course the defenses. Even some AK ammo for your boys.
You rock. (Another ten minutes.) Guy was crying. Yeah, I probably would have cried too.
They were figuring we were pulling out and destroying all the food and shit. I'm a farmer. Food is my religion. Well, and killing all enemies of the Constitution "foreign and domestic."
Bandit: Got a problem, Mullah. The girls. Our "temporary wives."
We'd explained to the girls what the plan was. Then we had to explain again, in more detail.
Look, most of the girls were from pretty reclusive families and they might have been taught their ABCs but that pretty much covered it. Girls only had to know three things in Islamic society: How to cook, how to clean and how to obey men. They mostly figured out having babies on their own.
The world had already gotten to be a very big and unpleasant place with the Plague. Trying to explain to them what was about to happen was hard. Think cheerleaders but with even less knowledge of the world. Not bright, ignorant and with a very short attention span.
When it was finally explained to them so that they understood, and I could see it sinking into their tiny little brains, I explained that it would probably be better for them to stay. We weren't sure we were getting through and if they got captured when we lost, it would be bad for them.
Problem being, it was going to be bad for them anywhere.
Islam was really strict about the whole "premarital sex" thing. The penalty for being raped, not for the rapist but for the girl who was raped, was stoning. Generally the family of the rapist paid a nominal fee and it was all good. Rape was, in fact, a way of exacting punishment on someone in (really backward) Islamic societies. Say a guy was caught stealing. Technically, the punishment was losing his hand. But say that he was the sort of lout who comes from a good family that's politically connected. Just one of those fuck-ups you get when power is in the wrong hands.
Say he has a sister. The penalty for him and for his family was often for the sister to be raped. Not because they cared about the sister as a human being, not because he loved his sister (they never did), but because it was dishonor to the family.
Then to purge the "dishonor" the sister would be stoned to death and everyone was happy.
I am totally not shitting you. There is some shit you just can't make up. We saw it, later. Another story I'll get to. The basis of "Stones."
Technically, if we left the girls behind they'd all be stoned to death. More likely, they'd end up as concubines doing scut work for the rest of their lives.
(Yes, they'd been concubines doing scut work for us. But we treated them with respect. The same would not be the case in most Islamic households. Mohammed the OCD also included precise instructions for how wives and daughters, any women, were to be "instructed" using a cane "no more than the width of a man's thumb." At the time and society, this was actually enlightened like a lot of Islamic law. Problem being, times had changed.)
I told them I'd do what I could to make sure they were better off than that. And this was me trying.
Mullah: This is a problem. I'll do what I can. (Ten minutes.)
Bandit: Yeah. I'm sure that will work. You're a good Islamic preacher, right?
Mullah: Yes. (Maybe three minutes.)
Bandit: Women can inherit under Islamic law, right?
Mullah: True. But a man must manage it.
Bandit, pulling out a bunch of paper: This is the printed out inventory of what's left in the camp as far as I can figure it. I, a male, am gifting to them, for their extraordinary service to the United States Army in times of peril above and beyond the call of duty, all the materials in the camp. Actually, I'm gifting it to their "temporary husbands" who in turn are willing to turn it over to new husbands. Each of them has some of the materials, basically broken up by areas and what I figured you guys would value. Guys who marry these girls, under all official Islamic law and the blessing of Allah the Beneficent and the Merciful, get the goods. As long as they remain their husbands. By the way, the prettiest one was my temporary wife under Shia law. And she got quite a bit of shit. More than the rest is all I'll say including all the ammo and the water supply. How many wives do you have?
Look, I said I didn't like Islamic law, never said I wasn't good at it.
We stuck around long enough for the weddings. All the girls decided they were staying. I had a talk with a couple of the grooms on the subject of how we really liked our former "wives" and that some day I was going to be back and they'd better be just as happy and smiling.
(By the way, they were never in any way officially or unofficially, Shia or American or Chinese law, our wives. I lied. He knew I was lying. He also saw it as an excellent out. Good guy, like I said.)
Did I miss Shadi?
Pussy like Shadi's is very nice. Do not get me wrong. But I like someone I can talk to. And even after Shadi got a few words of English, we really didn't communicate very well. I'd gotten her started on reading before we left but it was at C-A-T equals Cat and then explain what a Cat is.
(She also got me learning Farsi and Arabic. It's called a sleeping dictionary. Most military guys learn the local language that way. For that matter, it's how English came about. No shit. There are benefits to "fraternization" I don't think the brass ever consider.)
I'd done the best thing I could for her. I'd married her to the local strong man who also seemed to be a pretty decent and wise guy. Right age difference according to Islam, etc. We were going where angels feared to tread. Leaving her in the care of a good man was the best I could do for her. But I was going to miss her.
Pax Americana: Like a gnat in a blast furnace in the Mideast.
(Sort of. The mullah? Thaaat would be Mullah Rousham Faravashi. Yeah. That Mullah Rousham Faravashi, former Ambassador to the U.S. and current president of the Persian Union.