I finally sat back on the ground in front of her, leaning back on my heels, and did nothing. It took a few moments, but finally the crying stopped. She blinked up at me. The makeup around her eyes had faded, just vanished. It made her look vulnerable, more rather than less attractive. I had the urge to take her in my arms and rock her like a child. Whisper lies, about how everything would be alright.
When she left here tonight, she was still going to be a whore. A crippled whore. How could that be alright? I shook my head more at me than at her.
"You want some Kleenex?"
She nodded.
I got her the box from the kitchen counter. She wiped at her face and blew her nose softly, very ladylike.
"Can we talk now?"
She blinked at me and nodded. She took a shaky sip of pop.
"You know Harold Gaynor, right?"
She just stared at me, dully. Had we broken her? "If he finds out, he will kill me. Maybe I don't want to be coffin-bait, but I sure as hell don't want to die either."
"No one does. Talk to me, Wanda, please."
She let out a shaky sigh. "Okay, I know Harold."
Harold? "Tell me about him."
Wanda stared at me. Her eyes narrowed. There were fine lines around her eyes. It made her older than I had thought. "Has he sent Bruno or Tommy after you yet?"
"Tommy came for a personal meeting."
"What happened?"
"I drew a gun on him."
"That gun?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes."
"What did you do to make Harold mad?"
Truth or lie? Neither. "I refused to do something for him."
"What?"
I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."
"It can't have been sex. You aren't crippled." She said the last word like it was hard. "He doesn't touch anyone who's whole." The bitterness in her voice was thick enough to taste.
"How did you meet him?" I asked.
"I was in college at Wash U. Gaynor was donating money for something."
"And he asked you out?"
"Yeah." Her voice was so soft, I had to lean forward to hear it.
"What happened?"
"We were both in wheelchairs. He was rich. It was great." She rolled her lips under, like she was smoothing lipstick, then out, and swallowed.
"When did it stop being great?" I asked.
"I moved in with him. Dropped out of college. It was … easier than college. Easier than anything. He couldn't get enough of me." She stared down at her lap again. "He started wanting variety in the bedroom. See, his legs are crippled, but he can feel. I can't feel." Wanda's voice had dropped almost to a whisper. I had to lean against her knees to hear. "He liked to do things to my legs, but I couldn't feel it. So at first I thought that was okay, but … but he got really sick." She looked at me suddenly, her face only inches from mine. Her eyes were huge, swimming with unshed tears. "He cut me up. I couldn't feel it, but that's not the point, is it?"
"No," I said.
The first tear trailed down her face. I touched her hand. Her fingers wrapped around mine and held on.
"It's alright," I said, "it's alright."
She cried. I held her hand and lied. "It's alright now, Wanda. He can't hurt you anymore."
"Everyone hurts you," she said. "You were going to hurt me." There was accusation in her eyes.
It was a little late to explain good cop, bad cop to her. She wouldn't have believed it anyway.
"Tell me about Gaynor."
"He replaced me with a deaf girl."
"Cicely," I said.
She looked up, surprised. "You've met her?"
"Briefly."
Wanda shook her head. "Cicely is one sick chickie. She likes torturing people. It gets her off." Wanda looked at me as if trying to gauge my reaction. Was I shocked? No.
"Harold slept with both of us at the same time, sometimes. At the end it was always a threesome. It got real rough." Her voice dropped lower and lower, a hoarse whisper. "Cicely likes knives. She's real good at skinning things." She rolled her lips under again in that lipstick-smoothing gesture. "Gaynor would kill me just for telling you his bedroom secrets."
"Do you know any business secrets?"
She shook her head. "No, I swear. He was always very careful to keep me out of that. I thought at first it was so if the police came, I wouldn't be arrested." She looked down at her lap. "Later, I realized it was because he knew I would be replaced. He didn't want me to know anything that could hurt him when he threw me away."
There was no bitterness now, no anger, only a hollow sadness. I wanted her to rant and rave. This quiet despair was aching. A hurt that would never heal. Gaynor had done worse than kill her. He'd left her alive. Alive and as crippled inside as out.
"I can't tell you anything but bedroom talk. It won't help you hurt him."
"Is there any bedroom talk that isn't about sex?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Personal secrets, but not sex. You were his sweetie for nearly two years. He must have talked about something other than sex."
She frowned, thinking. "I … I guess he talked about his family."
"What about his family?"
"He was illegitimate. He was obsessed with his real father's family."
"He knew who they were?"
Wanda nodded. "They were rich, old money. His mother was a hooker turned mistress: When she got pregnant, they threw her out."
Like Gaynor did to his women, I thought. Freud is so often at work in our lives. Out loud I said, "What family?"
"He never said. I think he thought I'd blackmail them or go to them with his dirty little secrets. He desperately wants them to regret not welcoming him into the family. I think he only made his money so he could be as rich as they were."
"If he never gave you a name, how do you know he wasn't lying?"
"You wouldn't ask if you could hear him. His voice was so intense. He hates them. And he wants his birthright. Their money is his birthright."
"How does he plan to get their money?" I asked.
"Just before I left him, Harold had found where some of his ancestors were buried. He talked about treasure. Buried treasure, can you believe it?"
"In the graves?"
"No, his father's people got their first fortune from being river pirates. They sailed the Mississippi and robbed people. Gaynor was proud of that and angry about it. He said that the whole bunch of them were descended from thieves and whores. Where did they get off being so high and mighty to him?" She was watching my face as she spoke the last. Maybe she saw the beginnings of an idea.
"How would knowing the graves of his ancestors help him get their treasure?"
"He said he'd find some voodoo priest to raise them. He'd force them to give him their treasure that had been lost for centuries."
"Ah," I said.
"What? Did that help?"
I nodded. My role in Gaynor's little scheme had become clear. Painfully clear. The only question left was why me? Why didn't he go to someone thoroughly disreputable like Dominga Salvador? Someone who would take his money and kill his hornless goat and not lose any sleep over it. Why me, with my reputation for morality?
"Did he ever mention any names of voodoo priests?"
Wanda shook her head. "No, no names. He was always careful about names. There's a look on your face. How could what I have told you just now help you?"