For the first time, for just a moment, I knew the joy that I had always felt was the right of one carrying a child. "I'm pregnant, Jamie." I grinned at him. "If I live through this, you're going to be a grandfather."
Bless him, his face lit up like a fire in midwinter, and he leapt up from his bench to embrace me, laughing. "You horrible child, are you in such a hurry to make me an old man?" he said, delighted. "How wonderful! Ah, Lanen, I'm so pleased for you." Then he realised that both Rella and Varien were still looking fairly grave. "And so," he said soberly, sitting down again. " 'If I live through this,' you say. You needed a Healer, all is not well. Tell me."
I sat down and told him what the healer had said. All of it. "But I'm not finished yet, Jamie. I feel so much better now! My stomach isn't heaving, I don't have that damned headache, and my back hardly aches at all."
"Where are we to find a Mage in this town?" he asked.
"My job," said Rella immediately. "The girl's not going to fall over this instant, and I know a place I can go tomorrow where I can learn all I need."
Jamie started to object but I laid my hand on his arm. "I'm not daft, Jamie, and I have no intention of dying. If we cannot find a Mage here, we must find a way to get swiftly to Verfaren, that's all."
"It's three weeks, best speed, my lass," he said heavily.
"Well? I'm no weakling, Jamie. I can do anything for three weeks. Besides, there are Healers along our path, are there not?"
"Yes," said Rella dryly, "but probably not as many as you'll need."
"I have managed this long without one, I'm sure I can last between one Healer and the next."
"It's too damned far," said Jamie sharply. I was surprised and stared at him. He glared back. "You have only just managed to get here, Lanen," he said. "You will not be able to ride nearly so far, especially if you are unwell with this babe. We should think about finding a safe place to stay."
"No," I said. "Hideous as that woman was, she was right in one thing—Verfaren is the best place for me to be with this child."
"Hells' teeth, Lanen. Have you forgotten what else is in Verfaren?" he said, his voice little more than a whisper. It barely carried to me. "Berys the Bastard, Berys Child-killer
is there. The one man in the world you need to avoid, and he is squatting like a toad in the one place in the world you need to be."
"Then we must ensure that we bring a Mage to Lanen rather than taking her there," said Varien quietly. "Surely, there is somewhere near enough to Verfaren that Lanen need not enter the city itself."
"Well spoken, lad," said Rella. Varien looked surprised at being called "lad," but seemed to take it in good part. "It's true, there are any number of little villages where we could take shelter and simply send for a Mage. We'll have to get a damn sight closer, but at least we don't have to go into the bastard's very clutches."
"I still don't like it," said Jamie.
Rella turned full to him. "Neither do I, Master, not at all, but we all must dance when demons pipe."
Varien turned to me, his eyebrows lifted. "What in all the wide world does she mean by that?" he asked plaintively in truespeech.
I laughed. It felt good to laugh, to let go the fear and the gloom even for a moment. "She means that sometimes life pushes you into a corner and you are forced to do something you would not choose to do otherwise," I answered aloud, smiling. "As long as we don't draw attention to ourselves, we should be able to creep in under his nose and creep out again when all is done."
Jamie looked doubtful but Rella nodded. "There's a good chance, in any case, that I'll be able to find a Mage here in Kaibar," she said. "Just you take it easy tonight, my girl!"
I laughed. "You have my word of honour," I said.
"Taken and bound," she replied with a smile. "I'm off tonight, I'll see what I can find out."
"Off where?" asked Jamie gruffly. "We just got here."
"Wherever I wish to go," she said, turning to him and laughing. "There is no more I can do for Lanen tonight. I have not been in a city for nearly three moons now, and though I can trail along back roads and through forest and field with the best, I am a daughter of Sorun at heart. Kaibar is only second-best but it will have to do. And I need not answer to you, Master Jameth," she said lightly. "I found myself a different Healer and I've had my back seen to. I too feel better than I have since before midwinter, and tonight I am going to enjoy myself." She grinned, and there was a mischievous light in her eye that I had never seen before. It suited her. "I will see you all tomorrow. I assume we are staying tomorrow night as well?"
"We have seen no sign of pursuit," said Jamie very quietly, "and both we and the horses will be the better for the rest."
"Fine. I'll see you here tomorrow afternoon. Tell them to keep dinner for me," she said to me, rising and putting on her cloak. "It's the best food I've had in ages and I don't want to miss it."
I grinned at her. "Have fun, Rella," I said. She caught my eye and we laughed, leaving the men to wonder what on earth we were laughing at.
I adore Varien, and Jamie is the father I never had, but they can both be so stupid at times.
And sweet Goddess, but it felt good to laugh, if only for a brief moment.
When the green was just beginning to rise above the cold earth but the trees were yet bare of leaf, I woke one morning as though to the sound of a voice. It was not His, I could not truly be certain that I had heard anything at all, but it had a sense about it of—of family, of home. I shivered and went out of the shelter where I awaited His coming, out to breathe deep of the morning air and see the sky. I heard nothing in that cold clear morning but the voices of our far cousins the birds, so I rose on wings stiff with too much waiting, revelling in the feel of air, and greeted the dawn with a sprightly wing-dance. With me in the air I soon found, to my surprise, some few of my own kind, like me celebrating the warmth of the morning and the simple pleasure of a bright day. All were of the first kind, the Heart-speakers, those I knew I could trust. We came to land as if by consent in a place I had passed through on my journey to the only home I knew.
It was a high place, up in the hills and safe. Most of it was grassy and as flat as any field, save for the two talons of rock that ran out from the high cliffs and enclosed the larger part of it. There was a small wood at one end, and from it the scent of water drew us to a small pool, where we drank.
That was the beginning. By the end of the day a few more had joined us, and as the time went on it seemed that whatever had drawn me into the air had affected all my kinfolk as well.
We gathered, not knowing why, not asking. A few one day, none the next, more the next. We did not question it, nor ourselves. We could not speak but we showed each other visions, thoughts, of the places we had come from. Some came as couples, some with young, and my heart knew pain when I saw mothers and killings together. I could not remember my mother's eyes, but I remembered her passing.
I missed him so. He had taken me in, been mother and father to me, given of love freely and kept my own heart's-fire alive. Where was he?
"Fire, water, earth and air, keep us in the Lady's care ..."
I astounded myself by waking to the old words of the traveller's prayer. Jamie had taught it to me as a child, when I was most desperate to see what lay beyond my small world, and now in the bright morning it danced in my mind like the sun through spring leaves.