The Lightstone

'Are you mad!' Maram shouted at me as he smacked his huge fist into the palm of his hand. 'Have you entirely taken leave of your senses? That man is the best swordsman in Ishka, and you drew on him!'

'It… couldn't be helped,' I said.

'Couldn't be helped?' he shouted. He seemed almost ready to smack his fist into me.

'Well, why don't you help it now? Why not just apologize to him and leave here as quickly as we can?'

At that moment, with my legs so weak that I could hardly stand, I wanted nothing more than to run away into the night. But I couldn't do that. A challenge had been made and accepted. There are some laws too sacred to break.

'Leave him alone now,' Master Juwain said as he came over to me. He helped me remove my surcoat, and then began working at the catches to my armor. 'If you would, Brother Maram, please go out to the horses and bring Val a fresh tunic.'

Maram muttered that he would be back in a few moments, and again the door opened and closed. With trembling hands, I began pulling off my armor. With my mail and underpadding removed, it was cold in that little room. Indeed, the entire palace was cold: out of fear of fire, the King allowed no flame hotter than that of a candle in any of its wooden rooms.

'Are you afraid?' Master Juwain asked as he laid his hand on my trembling shoulder.

'Yes,' I said, staring at the dreadful, red wall.

'Brother Maram is an excitable man,' he said. 'But he's right, you know. You could simply walk away from all this.'

'No, that's not possible,' I told him. 'The shame would be too great. My brothers would make war to expunge it. My father would.'

'I see,' Master Juwain said. He rubbed his neck, and then fell quiet

'Master Juwain,' I said, looking at him, 'in ancient times, the Brothers would help a knight prepare for a duel. Will you help me now?'

Master Juwain began rubbing the back of his bald head as his gray eyes fell upon me. ' That was long ago, Val, before we forswore violence. If I helped you now, and you killed Salmelu, I would bear part of the blame for his death.'

'If you don't help me, and he kills me, you would bear part of the blame for mine.'

For as long as it took for my heart to beat twenty times, Master Juwain stared at me in silence. And then he bowed his head in acceptance of what had to be and said,

'All right.'

He instructed me to gaze at the stand of candles blazing in the corner of the room. I was to single out the flame of the highest candle and concentrate on its flickering yellow tip. Where did a candle's flame come from when it was lit, he asked me?

Where did it go when it went out?

He steadied my breathing then as he guided me into the ancient death meditation. Its purpose was to take me into a state of zanshin a deep and timeless calm in the face of extreme danger. Its essence was in bringing me to the realization that I was much more than my body and that therefore I wouldn't fear its wounding or death.

'Breathe with me now,' Master Juwain told me. 'Concentrate on your awareness of the flame. Concentrate on your awareness, in itself.'

Was I afraid, he told me to ask myself? Who was asking the question? If it was I who asked, what was the 'I' who was aware of the one who asked? Wasn't there always a deeper I, a truer self- luminous, flawless, indestructible – that shone more brightly than any diamond and blazed as eternally as any star? What was this one radiant awareness that shone through all things?

For once in my life, my gift was truly a gift. As I opened myself to Master Juwain's low but powerful voice, his breathing became one with my breathing and his calm became my own. After a while, my hands stopped sweating and I found that I could stand without shaking. Although my heart still beat as quickly as a child's, the crushing pain I had felt earlier in my chest was gone.

And then suddenly, like thunder breaking through the sky, Maram came back into the room with my tunic, and it was time to go.

'Are you ready?' Master Juwain said as I pulled on this simple garment and buckled my sword around my waist. 'Yes,' I said, smiling at him.' Thank you, sir.'

We returned to the main hall. King Hadaru and his court had gathered in a circle around the disc of rosewood at the center of the room. In Mesh, when a duel was to be folght, the knights and warriors formed the ring of honor at any convenient spot.

But then, we did not fight duels nearly so often as did the bloodthirsty Ishkans.

As I made my way toward this red circle, the floor was so cold beneath my bare feet that it seemed I was walking on ice. Salmelu was waiting for me inside the ring of his countrymen. He had his sword drawn, and Lord Issur stood by his side. Although it took me only a few moments to join him there, with Maram acting as my second, it seemed liKe almost forever. Then we began the rituals that precede any duel Salmelu handed his sword to Maram, who rubbed its long, gleaming blade with a white cloth soaked in brandy, and I gave Lord Issur mine. After this cleansing was finished and our swords returned, we closed our eye for a few moments of meditation to cleanse our minds.

'Very good,' King Hadaru called out at last 'Are the witnesses ready?'

I opened my eyes to see the ring of Ishkans nod their heads and affirm that they were indeed ready Maram and Master Juwain now stood among them toward the east of the ring, and they both smiled at me grimly. 'Are the combatants ready?'

Salmelu standing before me with his sword held in two hands and cocked by the side of his head, smiled connfidently and called out, 'I'm ready, Sire. Sar Valashu was lucky at chess – let's see how long his luck holds here.'

The King waited for me to speak then finally said, 'And you, Valashu Elahad?' 'Yes,'

I toid him.'Let's get this over.'

'A challenge has been made and accepted,' King Hadaru said in a sad, heavy voice.

'You must now fight to defend your honor in the name of tht One and all of our ancestors who have stood on this earth before us, you may began.'

For few moments no one moved So quiet was the ring of knights and nobles around us that it seemed no one even breathed. Some duels lasted no longer than this. A quick rush, a lightning stroke of steal flashing through the air, and as often as not, one of the combatant heads would be sent rolling across the floor.

But Salmeiu and I faced each other across a few feet of a blood – red circle of wood, taking our time. Asaru had once observed that a true duel between Valari knights resembled nothing so much as a catfight without the hideous screeching and yowling. As If our two bodies were connected by a terrible tension, we began circling each other with an excruciating slowness. After a few moments, we paused to stand utterly still. And then we were moving again, measuring distances, looking for any weakness or hesitation in the other's eyes. I felt sweat running down my sides and my heart heating like a hammer up through my head; I breathed deeply, trying to keep my muscles relaxed yet ready to explode into motion at the slightest impulse. I circled slowly around Salmelu with my sword held lightly in my hands, waiting, waiting, waiting…

And then there was no time. As if a signal had been given, we suddenly sprang at each other in a flurry of flashing swords. Steel rang against steel, and then we locked for a moment pushing and straining with all our might against each other, trying to free our blades for a deadly cut. We grunted and gasped, and Salmelu's hot breath broke in quick bursts against my face. And then we leapt back from each other and whirled about before suddenly closing again. Steel met steel, once, twice, thrice, and than I aimed a blow downward that might have split him in two. But it missed, and his sword burned the air scarcely an inch above my head.