I wanted to say I know and I love you too but the words were stuck somewhere, and I nodded briefly instead.
She helped me to my room, and eased me onto my bed. I looked around, suddenly feeling out of place, like I didn’t belong here, while Dane’s words replayed over and over and over again in my head.
I wish it were you! You should be dead, not Jewel!
Your brother should have taken your life with his, and not hers!
And Jewel is never coming back because of Charlie! He deserves to be six feet fucking under!
It should have been you in that car, not Jewel!
What I needed to do next became clear, but I had to wait.
As soon as it was nightfall and Jade was asleep, I’d leave. I needed to get out of here, but I didn’t want her to convince me otherwise.
I MOVED AROUND my room quietly, shoving some clothes, and essentials into a small overnight bag. I slipped one of my brothers’ old hoodies over my head, and tugged my bag over my shoulder. I tiptoed my way through the apartment, cringing when my sneakers made a squeaky sound. It was still pouring outside, the relentless downpour and stormy clouds casting a heavy darkness on everything in sight.
I crept out the front door, and ran through the rain until I was in the safety of my Jeep. I had a long drive ahead of me, but I would use the time to think, and clear my head before I showed up at my grandparents place in Madison. I turned the key in the ignition, and took off into the storm.
CHAPTER THI RTY-FIVE
Dane
I WAS FURIOUS.
I was irrational.
I was out of control.
And I was in pain.
So much so that it felt like I’d lost my twin all over again. Everything I’d felt the moment I’d found out she was dead, came rushing back with vengeance, only this time the pain was more acute, more alive. I’d woken up with this nagging feeling in my chest, something didn’t feel right. Then I turned on the news, and figured out why I was feeling that way. My mother had warned me about this happening, but I hadn’t expected it to be like how they showed on the television.
I walked into my bedroom, and started punching the wall. Thankfully Reid wasn’t there because he would have tried to stop me and I didn’t want him to.
My fist hit the wall over and over and over again. I didn’t stop, not even when I heard the distinct sound of bone cracking, not when my hand was dripping with blood. I wanted the ache in my chest to go away, and I wanted my sister to be here. I finally dropped to the floor on my knees, and for the first time since Jewel’s death, I cried, and let it all out.
HUSHED CONVERSATION From the other side of my bedroom door roused me from my spot on the floor. I rolled over, and winced, cradling my injured hand to my chest. I lifted it up, noting the dried blood, and the swell of my knuckles.
Using my arm, I lifted myself to my knees, and then stood up on unsteady legs. It was already dark outside, and I checked my phone to see what time it was.
Two a.m.
Shit. Was I out that long?
The murmurs grew louder, and then softer, and I could faintly make out Reid’s voice. I opened my door, squinting into the light, and found him standing in the living room talking animatedly to Jade while trying to keep quiet.
“Hey.” My voice croaked, and my throat was scratchy.
Their heads whipped in my direction, and Jade pinned me with a ferocious sneer. She had every right to be mad. I’d said some vile things – unforgivable things – to Kennedy. Things I said in the heat of moment without meaning to, things that I couldn’t take back.
“Everything okay?” I asked, stepping away from the threshold of my bedroom.
Jade looked at Reid, and whispered, “You know what, never mind. I’ll do this on my own.”
“Don’t be like that,” he replied. “I’ll help you.”
“Help her with what?”
Jade’s jaw ticked, and her body was taut with tension. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”
“We have to tell him,” sighed Reid.
Jade gritted her teeth. “No. He doesn’t need to know, Reid.”
“I disagree.” They had a stare-off, and Jade relented by throwing her hands in the air with an exasperated huff. “Fine. But don’t expect him to care, or help.”
I didn’t like her tone, but I couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. Still, I wanted to know what was going on. There had to be a reason she was here at this time of the morning.
“Kennedy’s missing,” said Reid.
I straightened. “What do you mean?”
“She wasn’t in her room, and her Jeep is gone,” replied Jade. “I tried calling her but it goes straight to voicemail.”
The storm outside was still raging, and there had been several warnings on the news about roads being unsafe to travel on. My skin prickled, and my gut churned at the thought of something happening to Kennedy after our fight.
“Do you know where she might’ve gone?” I asked.
“There’s only one place I can think of, but I’m not sure she would have gone that far.” Jade’s voice was softer, fearful, and I could tell she was worried.
“Where?”
“Back to Madison, to see her grandparents.”
“Madison, Georgia?” Asked Reid. He looked at Jade with a dubious expression, and I muttered, “Shit.”
My body moved without thinking, and I dressed into clean, dry clothes before making a grab for my keys.
“Where are you going?” Asked Reid.
“I’m going to find her,” I replied, opening the front door.
“You can’t go alone,” he said, following behind me. I stepped outside of the building, and into the pouring rain.
“Dane, you’re not thinking this through. You can’t drive on these roads, we need to wait for the weather to ease up.”
“Not a chance, Reid.” I climbed into my truck. “I’m going to find her.”
He looked up at the sky, swearing under his breath, and then dropped his gaze back to me. “Okay, but I’m coming with you.”
I waited for him to climb into the passenger seat, and then drove out of the lot. I took the only route Kennedy would have taken, and started praying that she was okay.
We’d been driving for almost an hour, and Kennedy’s phone was still going to voicemail. The rain hadn’t eased up at all, and I hated having to drive slower because of all the water. I saw hazard lights flashing ahead as we approached a bridge, and panic started to set in. It wasn’t a Jeep, and if it hadn’t been for the person jumping around with flailing arms trying to get us to stop, I probably would have driven past.
“Help!” An older man yelled. “Please! Help!”
Reid and I jumped out, and as soon as the man saw us, he pointed to the water. “There’s a car down there, and I haven’t seen anyone come out. I’ve called an ambulance, but that was three hours ago. I think they’ve been held up by the storm!”
Three hours???
I leaned over the edge, and my heart fell when I recognized the car that was half-submerged in the water below the bridge.
Kennedy’s Jeep.
I sprang into action, and the moments that followed all blurred together.
Diving into the water.
Finding her unconscious.
Submerged in the water from her chest downwards.
The panic clawing at my throat.
Pulling her out of the car.
Wading through the current to get her to the riverbank.
Kissing her expressionless face, her cold lips.
Telling her it was going to be okay.
Telling her how sorry I was for the things I’d said.
Telling her I loved her.
The EMT’s taking her away.
Reid driving us to the hospital.
And waiting.
And waiting.