I tried to take solace in the president’s corpses. She had eighty or ninety thousand, piled twenty deep around the White House gates, more arriving daily. I only had one.
I flipped through the channels. Strange how most TV shows depicted the world as corpseless. Nary a corpse to be seen on the sitcoms, cop shows, interactives—all those people, walking the streets, working, cutting up with friends, and not one of them followed by a corpse. Had there really been a time when there were no corpses? I could hardly imagine it anymore.
I pulled back the curtain, looked at her standing motionless in front of my door. I couldn’t help myself. I wondered if there were clues on her to tell me who she was, or how she died. Some sort of evidence that the cosmic actuarial table that sent her to me had made an error.
I went to the door and opened it. She came in, her bare feet tracking dirt onto the hardwood floor.
“Look around,” I said with a sweep of my hand, “I don’t have that much stuff.” I gave her a tour. “Solar power, fluorescent bulbs.” I pointed out that all my furniture was used. She didn’t look, only stared up at me. “I try to buy locally grown food. I voted for the One World party.” Nothing. I scanned the room for more evidence.
“What did I do?” I asked her empty face. “Tell me what I did!”
She’d been a cute kid. I pictured her laughing, running, playing hop-scotch on the sidewalk like my sister used to. I pictured her drinking brown water out of a dirty metal cup, lying in bed, dying of typhoid or dysentery. Maybe her family couldn’t afford a bed—maybe she’d died on a straw mat on the floor in the corner of a dirt hut. I let a familiar indignant anger rise in me at the injustice of it.
She was so completely silent standing there. Unmoving, not breathing. She’s going to be with me for the rest of my life, I thought. How could I possibly stand that?
I sat in my recliner in the living room. She stood in front of me, at arm’s length, and stared. I took a good look at her. Skinny legs with bony knees. Very brown feet. Long black hair littered with leaves and twigs. Her red, mud-caked shorts had a single front pocket. I reached over and, flinching at the stiff, cold feel of her flesh, felt around in her pocket with two fingers. There was something in it—I fished it out. It was a button, a shiny new button. Gunmetal grey with veins of teal snaking through it. I turned it over; it was cool and smooth, unmarked—the kind of thing a little girl might carry around if she didn’t have any Barbies to play with.
I lifted her dirty hand by the wrist, turned it palm-up, put the button in her hand, closed her cold fingers over it, and gently lowered her hand back to her side. The button clattered to the hardwood floor.
“Is she there?” Jenna asked. I nodded. My corpse stood outside the restaurant door, staring in at me through the plate glass. I should have picked a restaurant farther from my house so I could eat before she reached me. “Just ignore her,” Jenna whispered.
An elderly couple opened the door to leave, and my corpse came in, ignored. As much unseen as ignored—not like a lost dog but like a block of wood, or a wisp of autumn wind. She came and stood in front of me, staring, a pretty button tucked in her pocket. Jenna kept eating as if nothing had changed, though she examined my corpse out of the corner of her eye. I forked a half-spear of asparagus in lemon butter into my mouth, chewed and swallowed, felt it lodge in my throat.
Mine was not the only corpse in the establishment. There were about ten, actually. Two stood by the bar, their eyes in shadow under the dim light of stained-glass lamps, their filthy rags out of place among pressed pants, white shirts, polished wood and chrome. An attractive, well-dressed thirty-something couple had three of them hovering around their table, like their own personal wait-staff. One was an old, stooped Asian man, another a twelve-year-old black girl, the third a five-year-old who could have been my corpse’s long-lost sister. Jesus, they must be living like complete pigs to rack up so many corpses.
The door opened as another couple left. An infant corpse crawled in, her back foot just clearing the door as it closed. She was nude; her jerky crawl reminded me of a turtle’s. She made a grunting sound as she labored across the floor, stopped in front of the already well-attended couple, plopped onto her butt, stared up at the woman. The woman kept eating her paella, one of the restaurant’s specialties. The man said something and she laughed, covering her mouth.
Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw my corpse glance down at my plate. I jerked my head around and looked at her intently. Her eyes were glazed and fixed on my face.
“What’s the matter?” Jenna said. “Don’t stare at her,” she hissed, as if I had picked my nose. “What? What is it?”
“I’d swear she just looked down at my plate,” I said.
“Do you want to split a dessert?” She asked.
I wondered if I had imagined that quick, furtive glance. Probably. “You go ahead and get one, I’m pretty full.” I put my fork down, my blackened salmon hardly touched.
When I got home I sat at the kitchen table and wrote a $3000 check to the World Hunger Fund. I usually sent them $50 or so. Three grand hurt, but I could afford it. Looking up, I was startled by a face staring in through the kitchen window. Her face. Until now she’d stood facing the windowless front door. Evidently she could learn. She stared, unblinking. She never blinked—I guess I’d noticed, but it hadn’t fully registered till now.
As I worked the check into an envelope I found myself holding it so my corpse could see it. I wondered, was the little girl still in there, aware of where she was and what was happening, or was she just an empty shell?
I tore up the check and wrote another, for $10,000. That much I could not easily afford. I walked it to the mailbox. It was a beautiful night; the moon was full, the crickets and cicadas deafening. Two houses down and across the street, the corpse of a tall, scrawny black man squatted, peering with one eye through the lighted crack of a drawn shade. My corpse came around the house, pushing through the waist-high grass and native weeds (another testament to my green sensitivities, another reason why this corpse was a mistake), and met me on the way back. She followed me to the front door. I closed it in her face.
I got up early the next morning after a mostly sleepless night. I pulled up the shade, and there was her little round face. She was just tall enough for her nose to be above the bottom of the window frame.
“Shit.” I thumped my forehead on the molding, fought back a hitching sob. I had really hoped I could buy her off.
“Get the hell away from me!” I shouted through the closed window before yanking the shade back down.
While I showered I pictured my corpse waiting patiently outside the window. Why couldn’t it have been a man—an old man with no teeth? Fall semester loomed. My first class was in five days. I couldn’t imagine teaching with a corpse staring at me.
None of the students had corpses, so mine was the only one in my 10 a.m. class. The students politely avoided looking at her, even though she stood barely three feet in front of me, her head craned to stare up at my face as I went over the syllabus.
My hands shook from exhaustion and nerves as I held the syllabus. I’d been a wreck the night before, had four or five drinks to staunch my anxiety, took forever to figure out what I would wear. I debated whether to dress down—a t-shirt and jeans—to demonstrate that I was just a regular guy, that I lived simply and didn’t really deserve a corpse. But would the students see through me, think I was being pretentious? I’d finally pulled out a pair of black jeans and my white shirt, the shirt I’d been wearing the day my corpse had shown up, actually. Smart casual, the sort of outfit I usually wore.