Billie had joined Lily and they had obviously hit it off. Lily was proudly going through her steak and kidney pie recipe and they were both working together and preparing the meal.
'Sleep all right?' he said.
'Didn't I just? Hey, do you eat like this all the time?' replied a fully refreshed Billie.
'Yes.'
'You wouldn't want to move to California, would you?' she asked Lily.
The old lady smiled and shook her head.
'You couldn't afford her,' remarked Adam.
The meal, one hour later, was as good as they expected.
'Penny for them,' said Adam, when they were half way through the meal and she had said nothing for a while.
'Despair,' she said softly.
'Don't tell Lily. She'll think it's the food.'
She smiled and shook her head. 'Lily's beautiful. And so's her food. No, I was just thinking about…being alone. I mean, I've been alone ever since I left Peter. I've lived with guys…Gary was just the latest. But, I could've done without them. I just didn't want to be on my own. When you don't have a purpose, you know, it's easy to keep looking for something…I don't know. ' She paused. 'Something other people can't give you.' She suddenly stopped, her eyes watering.
'Go in. Get it out.'
'For all his faults, for all our shouting and yelling, for all the bad, we reached heights I never knew I could. And I miss him desperately. Old 'screwing around, don't let me get old' Peter. Nothing replaces truth and…real love. Substitutes never work. However hard you try and make them fit. Maybe we only fall in love once. And everything else is just…second best. Guess we can't always face our own failures. Or don't want to.'
'When I first met you, I took you for a pleasure anorexic.'
She looked up. 'A what?'
'Pleasure anorexic. A none person. No smoking, no alcohol, only eating food that was good for you.'
'Thanks for nothing.'
'Don't get snappy. As I said, that's what I thought when I first met you.'
'And now?'
'You're okay.'
'Do I get a medal for that, or something?'
'Or something.'
She laughed. 'You know,' she said after a while, 'I enjoy…I feel the past doesn't matter as much, somehow.'
'What's brought this on?'
'You. And this place.'
'I don't understand.'
'You've learnt to live with loneliness. No. No, that's not true. Not loneliness. You've just learnt to live alone. Most of us can't do that.'
'Learnt that at a young age. Loneliness becomes an obsession. A demon in your brain. Sort of takes over your imagination. I learnt young to ignore it, build my own values. It's the only way you can cope.'
Afterwards, when Billie had helped clear up and Adam had finished the list of instructions for Lily, they settled down in the living room with a large jug of coffee.
'We haven't any decaf, I'm afraid,' said Adam when Lilly brought it through.
'No sweat. Be good to taste real coffee again.' Billie noticed the quick look between Adam and Lily. She smiled. 'I haven't always been a pleasure anorexic. Whatever you think.'
'Want a cigarette?' he responded quickly.
'No. Not that ready to jump over the edge yet.'
'Will you be seeing Mr. Marcus before you go?' Billie heard the housekeeper ask Adam in the kitchen as he followed her through for a new packet of cigarettes.
She didn't hear his answer.
At ten Lily left and Adam escorted her to the door. Billie could see their closeness when Adam let her out, saw that they cared deeply for each other. She wished she had a Lily. Maybe that's what she would look for when she returned to La Jolla. That's if the lawyers left her anything after they'd picked over the bones.
For more than half an hour Adam took Billie through his plan for the next stage of their self initiated assignment. She listened without interrupting and was impressed with the way he had thought it through, his plans being laid before they'd even landed at Manchester.
'You can get out now if you want to,' he said, after he had told her about the phone call to Coy. 'My people think you were taken away from New Orleans under threat and that you're now stringing along just to see what I'm up to. That's what they'll tell the CIA.'
'That's not nice. They'll think I blurted everything out. About the computer and the asset base?'
'I said I overheard you and Tucker and also picked things up as I went along. They'll believe that. It's what they'd expect.'
'What the hell? I'm probably unemployed anyway. You think I should drop out?'
'Your decision. It all started out as an adventure. Now it's real. If you want to…'
'I won't. Unless you want me to.'
'You're going to be in the way.'
'You don't have to worry about me,' she replied, irritated with him. 'I'll look after myself. Don't smirk, I mean that.'
He laughed. 'I wasn't smirking. But you need some protection.'
'A gun.'
'We'll sort that out later.'
'You're not going to sneak out on me, are you?'
'It had crossed my mind.' He grinned at her.
'You would as well. I'm going to have to sleep across the front door so you can't.'
'You're safe. If I did, you'd only tell them where I'd gone.'
'I wouldn't. And please don't go without me.'
'Time to rest up. We start early.'
'I've only just got out of bed.'
'Us secret agents have got to ride above things like jet lag, you know.'
'I'll never get back to sleep.' She looked at him earnestly. 'Are you really tired?'
'No. But I know what's good for me.'
'Meaning?'
The attraction was growing between them. It was something they had both known since New Orleans. Adam realized this was not the time to bring it out in the open. He couldn't afford anything that could blunt his instincts. He stood up. 'Meaning that I'll need all my strength in the next few days. I need the rest.' He wasn't rude, just matter of fact. 'If you can't sleep, watch TV.' He grinned, tried to take the sting out of his words. 'You'll feel at home. Most of our programmes are American.'
He reached out and touched her shoulder, squeezed it and bade her good night. He saw her lift her chin, trying to once again stretch and hide the wrinkles. He said nothing, she was beautiful as she was. Then he left her and went to bed.
He was restless and knew it would be difficult to sleep. The smell of her was still in his nostrils, the scent of sex and all that that brings. Damn, he needed a clear mind. He listened for the sound of the television from the lounge. Maybe she'd decided to try and go back to sleep.
She came in five minutes later, just as he had brought himself under control, and quietly slipped into his bed.
He lay still, his back to her, curled up, pretending to be asleep.
'I know you're awake,' she said, snuggling up to him, putting her arm round him, pushing gently against him until she fitted in with his body, becoming one person in the big bed. 'Companionship or sex. It doesn't matter, tough guy. I just wanted to be with you.'
He said nothing, just squeezed her arm to let her know it was all right, that he wanted her to be there as well.
After that it was easy. What they felt was out in the open and they both knew it could go no further until whatever lay ahead was over.
She nuzzled his ear. 'Beats sleeping across the door.' They slept until four a.m. Then the alarm buzzed and they knew it was time to restart their deadly game.
Ch. 60