Roy had become Lady Muriel’s mainstay. He was the only man from whom she would ask for help. It fell to him to spend hours at the Master’s bedside, keeping up the deception — and afterwards to sit with Lady Muriel in the great drawing-room, listening to doubts and sorrows that she could never manage to articulate.
Roy loved them both, and did it for love, but he was being worn down. For any of us, this service would have been nerve-racking; for Roy, with melancholia never far away, it was dangerous. But it was he who had to watch the Master’s astonishment, as, after weeks of pseudo-recovery, he found himself getting thinner and more exhausted.
We all knew that soon Lady Muriel would have to tell him the truth. Many of us wanted her to do it, just to be saved the pretence at the bedside. Men as kind as Brown and Pilbrow could not help thinking of themselves, and wanted to be saved embarrassment even at the cost of agony for the Master and his wife. Theirs was the healthy selfishness which one needs for self-protection in the face of death. If one sees another’s death with clear eyes, one suffers as Roy Calvert was suffering. Most of us see it through a veil of our own concerns: even Brown wanted Lady Muriel to tell the Master, so that Brown himself need no longer screw up his self-control before he went into the Lodge. Even Brown wanted her to tell him — but not before the feast, with everything arranged to receive Sir Horace Timberlake. As Brown said, with his usual lack of humbug: ‘It can’t make things worse for the Master if we have the feast. And we may not find another chance of getting Sir Horace down. So I do hope Lady Muriel doesn’t have to break the news till afterwards.’
As the day of the feast came near, that hope became strong all over the college. Some of us were ashamed of it; one’s petty selfishnesses are sometimes harder to face than major sins. Yet we did not want to have to cancel the feast. As though by common consent, although we did not discuss it, not a hint was dropped in the Lodge. They were not likely to have remembered the date, or to have heard of Sir Horace’s visit. We were too much ashamed to mention it. Lady Muriel must be left, we thought, to choose her own time.
The feast was fixed for Shrove Tuesday, and on the Sunday before I met Joan Royce in the court, both of us on our way to the Jagos for tea. She made a pretext for bringing in Roy’s name with the first words she spoke: and I thought how we had all done the same, in love.
The Jagos kept open house for fellows at Sunday teatime, but when we arrived they were still alone. Mrs Jago welcomed us with a greater assumption of state than ever: she had been telling herself that no one wished to see her, that Jago’s house was deserted because of her. In return, she mounted to great heights of patronage towards Joan and me.
Jago was patiently chaffing her — he was too patient, I thought — as he handed us our cups. The tea, like all the amenities which Mrs Jago chose, was the best in college; her taste was as fine as Brown’s, though not as rich. Joan, who was not domesticated but enjoyed her food, asked her about some shortbread. Mrs Jago was feeling too umbraged to take the question as a compliment. But then, by luck, Joan admired the china.
‘Ah, that was one of our wedding-presents,’ said Mrs Jago.
‘I suppose,’ said Joan thoughtfully, ‘there are some arguments in favour of a formal wedding.’
Mrs Jago forgot her complaint, and said with businesslike vigour: ‘Of course there are. You must never think of anything else.’
‘She means,’ said Jago, ‘that you’ll miss the presents.’
Mrs Jago laughed out loud, quite happily: ‘Well, they were very useful to us, and you can’t deny it.’
‘To tell you the truth,’ said Joan, ‘I was thinking the same myself.’ Jago’s eyes were glinting with sadistic relish.
‘You two!’ he said. ‘You pretend to like books. But you can’t get away from your sex, neither of you. How dreadfully realistic women are.’
They both liked it. They liked being bracketed together, the ageing malcontent and the direct, fierce girl. They were both melted by him; his wife, for all her shrewishness, still could not resist him, and Joan smiled as she did for Roy.
Then the two women smiled at each other with a curious tenderness, and Mrs Jago asked gently and naturally about the Master’s state.
‘Is he in any pain?’
‘No, none at all. Nothing more than discomfort sometimes.’
‘I’m relieved to hear that,’ said Mrs Jago.
Joan said: ‘He’s losing weight each day. And he’s getting a little weaker. My mother knows that the truth oughtn’t to be kept from him any longer.’
‘When will she tell him?’
‘Almost at once.’
Jago and I exchanged a glance. We did not know, could not ask, whether that meant before Tuesday.
‘It must be a terrible thing to do,’ said Mrs Jago.
‘It’s worse for them both now,’ said Joan, ‘than if she had told him that first night. I’m sure she should have done. I’m sure one should not hold back anything vital — we’re not wise enough to know.’
‘That’s a curious remark,’ said Jago, ‘for a girl your age. When I was twenty, I was certain I knew everything—’
‘You’re a man,’ said Joan, biting back after his gibe. ‘Men grow up very late.’
‘Very late,’ said Jago. He smiled at her. ‘But I’ve grown up enough now to know how completely right you are about — your mother’s mistake. She should have told him then.’
‘I hope I shouldn’t have shirked telling you, Paul,’ said Mrs Jago, ‘if it had happened to you.’
‘I should be surer of your courage,’ said Jago, ‘than I should of my own.’
She smiled, simply and winningly. ‘I hope I should be all right,’ she said.
Perhaps she would always rise, I wondered, to the great crises of their life. I wondered it still, after Joan left suddenly to go to a party and Mrs Jago was once more affronted. When Joan had gone out, Jago said: ‘There’s fine stuff in that young woman. I wish she didn’t look so sulky. But there’s wonderfully fine stuff in her.’
‘I dare say there is,’ said Mrs Jago. ‘But she must learn not to show that she’s so bored with her entertainment.’
‘It’s ten to one that she’s going to this party on the off-chance that Roy Calvert will be there,’ I said.
‘I hope she gets him,’ said Jago. ‘She would supply everything he lacks.’
‘No woman ought to get him,’ cried Mrs Jago. ‘He’s too attractive to be tamed.’
Jago frowned, and for a second she was pleased. Then she began to nag. She had been cherishing snubs all afternoon, and now she let them out. Lady Muriel, cried Mrs Jago, was too much a snob, was too much above the wives of the fellows, for anyone like herself to know the inside of the Lodge.
She could not very well ask Joan: but how did Jago expect her to make plans for furnishing it ready for them to move in?
It was then I wondered again how she would rise to the great moments.
‘I can’t think, Paul,’ she was saying, ‘how you can expect me to have the Lodge fit to live in for six months after we move. I shall be a burden on you in the Lodge anyway, but I want a fair chance to get the place in order. That’s the least I can do for you.’
It would be awkward if she spoke in that vein to others, I thought as I walked back to my rooms. Nothing would give more offence, nothing was more against the rules of that society: I decided Brown, as manager of Jago’s caucus, must know at once. As I was telling him, he flushed. ‘That woman’s a confounded nuisance,’ he said. For once he showed real irritation. Jago would have to be warned, but of all subjects it was the one where Jago was least approachable. ‘I’m extremely vexed,’ said Brown.