‘Are you sure?’
Sabir nodded his head in slow motion. He felt drowsy and relaxed. A sudden wave of self-confidence surged through him, surprising him with its vehemence. ‘Sure I’m sure. I know her. She’s hurting. So she’s withdrawn inside herself. She let me take her virginity today – after holding off for twenty-seven years – and that will have destabilized her too. The whole thing’s scarcely surprising.’ He stopped dead, stunned at his capacity for indiscretion. Stunned at what his mouth was saying. ‘I don’t know why I just told you that.’ He shook his head incredulously. ‘I didn’t mean to when I started out.’ He looked suspiciously down at the empty gourd, and then handed it back to Ixtab.
She shook her head in reaffirmation that the drink didn’t contain anything untoward.
Now that he’d let the cat out of the bag in such a spectacularly tactless manner, Sabir reckoned that he might as well call the beast by its true name. ‘All her life Lamia’s never let a man come near her because of her feelings about her face. You realize that, don’t you? But she let me. And then all of a sudden I start to go crazy. No wonder she’s feeling a little vulnerable.’
‘Don’t you think you owe it to her to put all this to bed?’
Sabir laughed at Ixtab’s inadvertent use of the American idiom. ‘Is that some kind of a Freudian slip? Or are you getting around to trying to persuade me to go inside your damned touj again?’
Ixtab ignored his false levity. ‘You’re carrying something inside you, Adam. A secret. Something you don’t know what to do with.’ Ixtab fixed him with her gaze. ‘This is a burden to you. This is why you do not sleep. Not the other thing. Not the claustrophobia. Not the memories.’
‘How do you know I don’t sleep?’
Ixtab sighed. ‘Must I explain?’
Sabir shook his head. ‘No. I suppose not. I sort of know.’
‘Only sort of?’
‘I know.’
‘Then you have mastered the first step. Now you need to pass on to the second step.’
‘Oh? And what’s that?’
‘To find out what you don’t know.’
Sabir burst out laughing. ‘Oh that’s cute. That’s very cute. That’s right on the button, that is.’
‘Cute? What is cute?’
Sabir sighed. ‘Forget it.’ He gave a wry smile. He was slowly beginning to feel like a man again – the sort of man a woman like Lamia might conceivably have fallen in love with. He looked at Ixtab. He trusted her – there was no doubt about that. It was a deep instinct with him. This was a woman who would always choose the right path. Always guide you in the direction you needed to go. ‘I don’t know what was in that damned concoction of yours, but if you ever wanted to sell it on the open market, you’d make a fortune. I can hardly believe I’m saying this, but I’m about ready to take a shot at your sweat-bath. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course I’m not sure. That’s why I reserve the right to make a second break for it anytime before I physically step inside the lodge. But this time around, you don’t follow me? Is that a deal?’
Ixtab returned his smile. ‘This time, if you run, I will not follow you. But you will not run, Adam. And later, you will sleep.’
89
The Halach Uinic shook his head. ‘ Datura? No. This is impossible. I may take it – or you, Ixtab – because we understand the extent of its toxicity, and know, too, how it has been grown, and the weather conditions that accompanied its growth. But for a gringo it is dangerous. The side effects can be extremely unpleasant and long-lasting.’
Ixtab shook her head. ‘None of the others will do. We three must take it together. We need to communicate on the other side. We need to summon up the Vision Serpent.’
Sabir looked bewildered. The effects of the chocah were slowly wearing off.
The Halach Uinic turned to Calque and Lamia. ‘Here. Chew this peyote. Chew it for a long time. If you swallow it too quickly you will be very sick. Do not worry about the bitter taste – this is normal.’
‘Why should we take this?’
‘Because it facilitates transcendence. It will allow us to unify. To go on a collective journey. Ixtab has looked into your hearts. She feels that this particular substance is suitable for you both. Later on in the ceremony, you shall have another piece. The Chilan will drink from the cane toad mixture – this he has always done, so he is used to its effect. The guardian, because he is only part Indian, will drink the pounded seeds of quiebracajete, from the morning glory flower, which we shall mix with balche. He has told us he is accustomed to drinking pulque on market days in Veracruz – this will have no bad consequences for him, therefore.’
‘Why are you people taking something different from us?’
The Halach Uinic shook his head. ‘I cannot tell you because I do not know.’ He gestured towards Ixtab. ‘Ixtab is the midwife of our journey. We are in good hands. She has guided many people through the underworld. If any one requests it, she will give them syrup of ipecac , from the ipecacuanha plant, and they will vomit out anything that is left inside their stomach.’
‘Great. Excellent. We shall all become bulimics. This has been one of my ambitions for many years.’ Calque shook his head, as if he was standing amongst a group of madmen. He hitched his chin at Sabir. ‘Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this?’
‘What do you think, Calque? Of course I’m not sure. But if I think about it any longer I’ll do another bunk. So here goes.’ Sabir glanced quickly at Lamia. Then he held his hand out to the Halach Uinic.
The Halach Uinic placed fifteen seeds in the palm of Sabir’s hand.
‘This is it?’
‘More would be dangerous. And unnecessary. When gringo kids take more, they end up schizophrenic. Their pupils enlarge for days, and they suffer from photophobia. Some become amnesiac. They are fools. They are simply concerned with gratification and not with knowledge.’
‘And this won’t happen to us?’
‘No. Not if you chew the seeds well. Not if you ask the right questions.’
Sabir poured the seeds into his mouth. The Halach Uinic did the same. So did Ixtab. Sabir saw that the guardian was drinking his mixture, as was the Chilan.
Calque shrugged and popped the peyote into his mouth. He began to masticate the pulp, a disgusted expression on his face, as if he were being forced to swallow a tablespoonful of castor oil.
Lamia was the last to make up her mind. She turned and looked into the darkness surrounding them for a very long time. Then, with a shudder, she placed the peyote on her tongue.
90
At first Sabir felt very little. It was almost as if the datura wasn’t working. Perhaps they’d given him a bunch of sunflower seeds to chew on by mistake? Every now and then he found himself stretching his hand out as if he were reaching for a cigarette. But he had never smoked. This fact struck him as strange.
The Halach Uinic’s voice droned on. He and the Chilan had been praying for over an hour now, and the sound had become like a sort of sonic wallpaper behind which Sabir could dimly make out the presence of other people. But the room was entirely dark – not a sliver of light entered from anywhere. Even the stones heating the air were dark – Sabir had assumed, for some obscure reason, that they would glow like household coal.
Thanks to the heat from the stones he was now sweating uncontrollably. He began to picture himself as a cold bottle of beer on a midsummer’s day. The thought of the beer made him want to salivate, but he found that he couldn’t produce any spit at all. He thought about asking for a glass of water and then decided against it. The idea of the seven of them sitting packed together around the stones and still not being able to see each other struck him as ludicrous in the extreme.
Every now and then there was a mild clattering and banging – the susurration of things being shifted and of liquid being poured. Sabir reckoned that this represented the sound of the Halach Uinic, Ixtab, and the Chilan arranging their offerings in the dark. Each had brought with them various vessels filled with deer blood, sacpom resin, and certain other accoutrements, while Ixtab, as usual, had been carrying her shamanic bag of tricks.