Then, changing his tone, he continued, “Why don’t you propose to one of your paternal cousins? Don’t you know that every one of them is due to receive an inheritance of at least a hundred pounds a month? But enough of all this. Let me look at your face a bit, since I hardly recognize you. My, my, what a fine young man you are. All you lack is a mustache. Why haven’t you grown one? Besides, you’re handsome. But you’re thin and pale, as though you don’t get enough to eat. It’s a shame for a young man your age to be skinny. Even so, it makes a father happy beyond words to see his son a man, and especially if he’s only seeing him for the first or second time. Don’t you think I’m an extraordinary father? I’ve got three children, yet I’m abandoned and alone. But I’m not bitter about my luck, since it’s a happy thing to be alone. Not once have I ever spent time with anyone but that we’ve parted as enemies. They usually say I’m at fault, and I say they’re at fault. In any case, God will judge between us on the Day of Resurrection. Now, don’t be surprised if you hear me quoting from the Qur’an. That’s thanks to the radio. I’ve distanced myself from the world, but the world insists on invading my house through the radio. Welcome, welcome! You’re a loyal son, Kamil. But you should take care of your health and eat enough so that you can put on some weight. Didn’t your grandfather leave a fortune?”
I was apprehensive and discouraged, not knowing how to broach the subject I’d come to speak about in the wake of all this wild prattle. And my apprehension and misery intensified when, during his harangue, I saw him filling the glass again. However, taking advantage of the opportunity afforded by his last question, I said definitively, “My grandfather didn’t leave anything at all.”
He nodded his flushed bald head as if to say, “That’s what I’d expected.”
Then he said, “A high salary, few dependents, and a huge pension. And then he doesn’t leave anything. He was a gambler, God have mercy on him, and the gambler prefers to lose his cash at the table rather than save it up in the bank. Deep down he was nothing but a child who loved to play. And I don’t blame him, since I for my part am a drunkard. The difference between the gambler and the drunkard is that the former is a practical man who speculates, cheats, wins, and loses, whereas the latter is the theoretical type who dreams and dreams and dreams. If the gambler aspires to wealth, he gambles with his fortune by playing, then usually loses it. He consoles himself with the hope of recouping his loss, but all he does is lose more and more until, when he dies, he leaves nothing but a heavy debt. And the strange thing about it is that all gamblers lose, so I don’t know who wins! As for the drunkard, if he aspires to wealth, he finds it ready and waiting for him without it costing him more than thirty piasters, namely, the price of a bottle like this one. Do you say it’s just an illusion? So be it. Is there anything in this world that isn’t an illusion and a fantasy? Where’s your grandfather? He was a concrete reality, but where is he now? Roll up your sleeves and look for him, but you won’t find a trace of him. Look for him in the house, at the coffee shop, at the casino. Look for him in the grave itself, and I bet you my life that you’ll find neither hide nor hair of him. So how could he have been real? God have mercy on him! And what have you all done since he died? Are you still a student?”
Concealing my rage and distress behind a wan smile, I said, “I got a job at the Ministry of War.”
He raised his glass with a chuckle, saying, “To your future! Well done! Our family is an illustrious one, but we haven’t had a single government employee. So you’re the one blazing a path for us into government circles!”
Feeling cornered, I said wearily, “I’m just a petty employee, and I don’t get a salary worth mentioning.”
He shot me a wary look from beneath his gray eyebrows, then said indifferently, “Don’t worry. A child always grows up. The wisdom of the world decrees that children grow up and that adults turn back into children. It seems that God created a single limited fortune that neither increases nor decreases. However, people’s shares in it may change. Otherwise, everyone would get rich. So be patient, son, and don’t busy yourself thinking about money. Thinking about money is a perilous thing that was nearly the death of me once. I find it amazing that people love money the way they do. At present I’m not a lover of money. The only thing I love is liquor. If everyone loved liquor the way I do and made light of money, the world’s problems could be solved with a single word. Imagine with me a happy town. They divide it down the middle, then build houses on the right, pubs on the left, and government buildings in the center. And people’s sole duty is to drink. Now that’s a town that lives and lets live. Won’t you have some, son? No? So what vices have you taken up? A man’s true value consists in the evil he does. Suppose I died tomorrow and hadn’t been a drunkard. What might people say about me? Nothing! However, being what I am, they’re sure to say, ‘He was a drunkard!’ In fact, even if I gave this money of mine away in charity, no one would say a word about me. People forget good things quickly, even if they’re the ones who did them. The only thing that immortalizes you is evil. What do you say?”
Having no choice but to reply, I said, “We should fear God and obey Him.”
He affirmed what I’d said with a feeble-looking nod of his round head.
“Right you are!” he continued. “That’s the secret of existence. However, if what they say about God is really true, we’re all in for a black fate! Even so, I have great confidence and assurance. I only feel otherwise if I get indigestion, and when that happens, the whole world looks cold and dismal. In any case, I don’t believe God torments His servants. How can I believe that a great God, glory be to Him, would burn a creature like me in hell just because he loved liquor! Don’t you like what I’m saying? You’ve come to keep me company, yet I can see the boredom in your face. What do you suppose caused you to remember your father now after forgetting him for a lifetime?”
My heart was beating wildly and I couldn’t bear to keep quiet any longer. It may not have been prudent of me to broach my topic after that particular question. However, I said unthinkingly, “I find myself in hard straits, and if bad circumstances were what separated us, you’re still my father in spite of those circumstances.”
He burst out laughing, and for the second time I hated the way he looked. Then, in that crazed tone of his that robbed his hearer of all confidence in what he was saying, he continued, “You’re right. This whiskey contains a precious wisdom. Like the world, it’s bitter. However, the wise man is the one who gets used to it and cultivates a taste for it, just as wise men grow accustomed to the world and cultivate a taste for it. Woe to those who shrink from its bitterness, since they won’t be able to endure life. As I said, son, you’re right. By God, I’m pleased by your tact and the fine way you’ve prefaced what you have to say. You’ve boycotted me willingly for thirty years or nearly that, so don’t call me to account for my mistakes, since drunkards put no store by such reckonings. After all, one plus one doesn’t necessary equal two. One may be equal to ten. As I said, you stay away from me a lifetime, then you come to me apologizing with polite words. In any case, I accept the excuse. And why shouldn’t I? The fact is that I don’t regret people’s staying away from me. As for the straits you’re complaining of, they’re very important to me. Whatever distresses my son, distresses me. So, what do you mean, son?”