I waited alone until the kindergarten let out and I spotted Rabab approaching from a distance. This was the moment I’d been waiting for for the last four days — the most miserable days of my life. I would follow her, of that there was no doubt, and leave the rendezvous to circumstances alone. I expected her to turn left in the direction of the tram stop that leads to Heliopolis. However, she veered right instead, in the direction of the tram stop where she waited every day. I realized immediately that she’d made up the story about the sick colleague so as to create an excuse for her absence, and my chest went into such turmoil I could hardly breathe. Had the time come for me to be rid of this torment? As she stood there on the sidewalk, I shot her a fiery look, marveling at the phony decorum that served as a veneer for such unspeakable wickedness and depravity! Then came the time for the chase, which I hoped would bear fruit this time. She got on the tram and I hailed a taxi. As I rode along, I kept my eyes glued to the car she was in. Where would she get off? Where would she commit her dastardly deed? It was nearly unbearable for me to imagine her in such questionable situations. If the actual reality proved my suspicions correct, revealing to me its ugly, grotesque face, nothing would satisfy my thirst for revenge but to crush her skull with the stones of this huge city! What would have caused her to fall into such iniquity, she who was too chaste for legitimate marital relations? Or did she only want such things by crooked means? I was torn by indecision and tormented by bitterness and rage. At the same time, though, I held out the hope of being delivered from this torment once and for all, and from this bitter life so filled with disappointment and doubt. In just a few minutes everything would be over, and there would be no more reason for me to ask myself whether she was innocent or guilty. There would be no more obsessive thoughts driving me to endure the horrors of surveillance and espionage. The house would be empty of all but the old, familiar faces and the humble, quiet life I’d once known. It was true, of course, that I wished I could crush the head that had crushed my heart. However, I valued my life too much to let it be lost for the sake of an iniquitous woman. My rage was intense and formidable, but my love for safety was stronger and deeper. Wasn’t it strange that my thoughts should be revolving around fear and safety even at that terrifying moment? We approached Ataba, and again I wondered where she would get off. I saw her go to the stop on the square as she did every day. I got out of the taxi for fear of losing her in the crowded square. Then I saw her cross the square and head for the other stop where she usually waited. I circled the square and stopped at the section wall. It galled me to see her standing there in her usual decorous fashion, calm and collected, as though I weren’t burning up over her. Having ruled out the possibility of her meeting someone in such a crowd, I began looking out for the tram she was about to catch. Trams came and went in succession with their various numbers until at last the Roda tram arrived, whereupon she rushed up to it and took her place in the ladies’ compartment. I was stupefied. Was it going to happen in our very own neighborhood? I rushed over to another taxi and we followed the tram. My heart began pounding more and more wildly with every stop we passed. Then we came onto Qasr al-Aini Street. We passed one stop, then a second, then a third, then a fourth until we reached the stop that led to our house. To my dismay, I saw her get off the tram. Looking out the back window of the taxi, I saw her cross the street and walk into our building. I rested my head on the back of the seat and closed my eyes, exhausted and bewildered. What was behind all this? Had I lost my mind? Would there be no end to this torture? In any case, I went home myself, and when I arrived, she’d just finished getting undressed and putting on her robe.
“I thought you’d gone to visit your colleague!” I said to her in astonishment.
She broke into a smile and said, “She wasn’t that sick after all, and she came back to work today before anyone could go to the trouble of visiting her.”
And I wondered: Will all my suspicions lead to nothing but a handful of wind? I only asked God for one thing, namely, to be able to live with her in peace and assurance.
As I was changing my clothes she said to me, “My aunt called and invited me to visit her this evening, and she asked me to invite you on her behalf.”
“God willing,” I replied unthinkingly.
The minute I opened my mouth I realized I’d spoken hastily, since I remembered the appointment at the Abbasiya Bridge. But did I really want to go? I was far from the window and the balcony and their influence now, so was I still thinking about this woman seriously? What sort of demon was beguiling me? My heart belonged to my beloved and to no one else. So why was the strange woman’s siren song so overwhelming and irresistible? The longer I thought about it, the more I surrendered to the fiendish summons until the only thing left to prevent me from going was the promise I’d made to myself to accompany my wife that evening. But, would she have invited me to visit her aunt with her if she harbored any ill intentions? I thought about it again with considerable effort, since there’s nothing more taxing for me than to have to choose between two different things.
However, after considerable hesitation, I said, “I’m sorry, I just remembered — I have an important engagement!”
In what seemed like genuine distress, she said, “Do you mean you won’t be able to go with me?”
Feeling as though my foot were slipping into a bottomless pit, I said, “Please convey my regrets to your aunt.”
55
I reached the Abbasiya Bridge a few minutes before the scheduled time. The weather was pleasant and it was quite dark, so I waited under a gas lamp. I’d come in a state of angst and tension that reminded me of the state I’d been in on the day the carriage took me to the pub on Alfi Bey Street for the first time. And all this for the sake of a woman with neither beauty nor grace. In fact, I would have been embarrassed to be seen with her in public. When it was nearly time for her to arrive, I was ridden by the same fear that I’d felt over and over during the wait that had begun that afternoon. What if the tragedy repeated itself? There was still time to flee. But I didn’t budge. This woman was my only chance to reclaim my lost confidence. Besides, I was possessed by a spirit of adventure the likes of which I’d never seen in myself. “Give it a try!” it said to me. “You won’t lose anything. Or, at least, you won’t lose anything new.” I was roused from my thoughts by a medium-sized car that pulled up in front of me next to the sidewalk. The car window opened and through it I saw the face of the strange woman, who was seated behind the steering wheel. She smiled at me and invited me to go around and get in on the other side. Muddled, I did as she said, and in less than a second, I was sitting next to her. I pulled the door closed and remained sitting right up against it, so self-conscious that I was hardly aware of what was around me. I could feel her eyes on my left cheek, but I kept looking straight ahead until she burst out laughing.