Koresh nodded. “Between what you might call the Crawford faction and the Waco faction. My side—the Waco faction—lost, so we had to leave. But we still think of ourselves as the real deal, the true Christ in Action, wandering in the wilderness of America.” He stirred milk into his tea before continuing: “I’m no stranger to life on the road. I started out as a musician-evangelist. I had my own touring band and Bible study group. We went all over Texas, spreading the Word. Then one night at a revival meeting I met a CIA recruiter named Lee Atwater. He brought me in to work as a scriptural analyst for the Company’s theology division—and to jam with him on the weekends.”
“Scriptural analyst?”
“Part of CIA’s unwritten charter is to provide biblical support for the government elite in Austin,” Koresh explained. “If they need justification for a new policy, or an explanation for something like mad cow disease, they turn to the Company. That was my job, for seven years. Then after the Mexican Gulf War, I was promoted and put in charge of a new Company research facility called the Mount Carmel Center, in Waco.
“Texas at that time was experiencing the first epidemic of Gulf Syndrome. The war created all kinds of headaches—even though we weren’t invaded, the knowledge that we could have been, would have been if not for the help of the Muslims, led to a huge crisis in confidence. Insurrection was up. Heresy was up. And people—including some really senior people—were having nightmares and hallucinations about a secret American takeover. The mayor of Galveston announced on live TV that Texan independence was a myth and we’d actually been part of the CSA all along. A dozen officers in the Texas Air Guard resigned their commissions on grounds of mental instability. They said they kept having dreams that they were American pilots, flying sorties against targets in what appeared to be West Texas.
“Rumors circulated about a mind-control project infecting people with LBJ’s vision. I know there were other CIA research teams that looked at that as a literal possibility, some sort of virus engineered to affect the subconscious. But our focus at Mount Carmel was on mystical explanations. We were told to evaluate the dreams as prophecy—or as evidence of demonic possession.
“We brought in volunteers with especially severe cases of Gulf Syndrome. We conducted sleep studies, tested the effects of different stimuli on their dreams. We used prayer, hypnosis, fasting, drugs, sensory deprivation, exorcism, electroshock. Anything and everything we could think of, that might crack the doors of revelation a little wider.”
“And what did you learn?” Mustafa asked.
“Nothing,” David Koresh said. “I mean, the content of the dreams was fascinating, but we didn’t know how to interpret what we were getting. The answer was too straightforward, that was the problem—we were expecting parables. Then when we asked God to please speak more plainly, He just gave us more of the same.
“I was frustrated by the lack of progress, but the folks at the main office didn’t seem bothered by it. Eventually I realized they’d already made up their minds that Gulf Syndrome was a product of mass hysteria. The Mount Carmel Center, the other research initiatives, all of that was just bureaucratic butt-covering. They weren’t concerned with results.
“Then after a while, they forgot about us. The crisis passed, but our program was never shut down.” He laughed. “I stopped filing reports and nobody in Crawford even noticed. Meanwhile I still had access to Company funds with no oversight, and you know, the flesh of a man is weak . . .
“I started making personnel changes, kicking out anyone who didn’t see eye-to-eye with me and bringing in more loyal recruits to replace them. A lot of people who’d come to Mount Carmel as research subjects ended up on staff. The ‘research’ got more and more self-indulgent. Lee Atwater had died a few years earlier, so I hadn’t jammed in a while, but one day I decided to put a new band together, in-house, ‘to explore the effects of Gospel rhythm-and-blues on REM-sleep alpha-wave patterns.’ That’s what I wrote on the sign-up sheet, anyway . . . I dropped two hundred grand in government funds on instruments and a recording studio. We even had our own label.
“And there were other indulgences. I organized ‘fact-finding’ trips all over the world, anyplace that had some vague connection to sleep research, or religious prophecy, or music. In December 1999 I took the whole Mount Carmel staff to Jerusalem to celebrate the new millennium in the Holy Land.
“Jerusalem was strange,” David Koresh said. “I mean, we had a great time, but from the moment we landed at Nashashibi Airport, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been there before. On Christmas morning we went to the Old City to visit the Holy Sepulchre, and there was another tour group there. They were just outside the church, gathered around a man who was standing up on a stone, preaching about Revelation and the prophecy of the Seven Seals. I recognized that preacher. He was me, maybe ten or fifteen years younger . . . And I looked at him, and he looked back at me, and then I had this fit, like an attack of—”
“Vertigo?”
“—epilepsy. I fell down thrashing, hit my head. By the time I recovered, the preacher was gone, and when I asked about him, no one else knew what I was talking about.” He shook his head. “Gulf Syndrome. That was my first personal experience of it. But not my last.
“After we came home from that trip, I went through an especially self-indulgent patch. The best way I can think to describe it, I’d been given a glimpse of my true destiny and my inner Adam was rebelling against it. I was already treating Mount Carmel like my private amusement center, but now I really started acting out. I did things, decadent things I’m not proud of . . .
“Then 11/9 happened and the country went crazy again. That’s what finally put Mount Carmel back on the Company radar. The video of the planes hitting the towers triggered an avalanche of new Syndrome cases. Austin wanted answers, and when CIA started organizing a new research initiative, they realized they still had an active facility in Waco that hadn’t made a progress report in years.
“I would have been in hot water no matter what, but what made it worse, since the last time I’d checked in, the Company had appointed a new director. A nasty piece of work . . .” Koresh uttered a name that Mustafa recognized from Saddam Hussein’s list. “His nickname was the Quail Hunter,” David Koresh said. “Texas humor. The joke is, if you’ve got an enemy you want to get rid of, you invite him out shooting and mistake him for whatever game you’re after. The Quail Hunter had actually done that once. And he’d stepped over a lot of bodies, climbing the Company ladder.
“So this was the man I now had to justify myself to. He sent armed agents to haul me over to the Crawford campus. They took me to his office and he showed me a stack of accounting records and ordered me to explain what the hell I’d been spending all that money on.
“I lied. I told him we were still following our original research mandate, looking into dreams. I told him we were close to a major breakthrough with serious national security implications. All we needed was a little more time. Six months, a year.
“He gave me two months. He took a bullet out of his breast pocket and put it on his desk blotter. He told me that in sixty days, one of two things would be true: Either there’d be a report about this major breakthrough sitting where the bullet was now, or the bullet would be in the part of my brain that controlled bowel function. He also told me that I was under house arrest; if I tried to leave Mount Carmel before the report was ready, I’d get the bullet early.
“His centurions took me back to the Center. I called the staff together, and we formed a circle and prayed to God for my salvation. Then we dusted off our old research notes and got to work.
“For forty days and forty nights, we got nowhere. Every morning I got down on my knees in the chapel and said, ‘Please, God, forgive me my pride and throw me a bone here,’ and He heard me, He answered, but I still didn’t understand. Nightmares,” Koresh said. “We all started having nightmares, the same nightmare, about being trapped in a burning building surrounded by armed men.” He tugged at his collar and closed his eyes a moment, breathing through his nostrils while the air-conditioning hummed in the background. “I thought it was just stress . . .”