Suddenly his hand flashed, becoming wolf-like before quickly changing back to human. I looked at it stunned because although I knew he had the power to partially change, I’d never seen him lose control like that. Staring up into his face, it still held a wolfish quality with his mouth turned into a snarl, revealing razor sharp fangs. His eyes blazed with a fury that made me stagger back slightly from their intensity.
The air sizzled with electricity and magic. Our surroundings suddenly became frightfully quiet as if all the animals and birds sensed the immediate danger.
The strain on his face was painfully visible as I watched him struggle to control his change. It caused my own wolf to howl and chomp as she pushed to join her mate. I’d never felt anything so severe and concentrated from him before and it broke my heart.
All this time, he’d focused on me, making sure I was okay with what happened and all the while he was dying inside. I pushed out my senses and almost crumpled under the bombardment of excruciating pain and grief. Tears began to streak down my cheek again as I watched my beloved Mason battle for his sanity.
Chapter Nine
I stretched out to touch him, my fingers tingling from the energy pulsating off his skin. I caressed him and cooed softly, trying to help him find his balance.
He fought a little against my attempts, but gradually, we were able to calm the savageness of his beast to the point where he was completely human. He stood there, angry and defeated, his head hung low with his fists clenching slightly. He was still on edge, but nowhere near as volatile. Had he decided to leave earlier, I shuddered to think the damage he would’ve done to anyone foolish enough to get in his way.
I stooped a little to catch his gaze, sweeping the strands of his hair away from his eyes. This man was just so magnificent, and I wanted nothing more than to take this from him. It was only now, as we stood in silence, I realized the full weight of his responsibilities as Alpha, and what astonishing strength it took him to maintain his calm façade. It also made me wonder just how much he hid from the world-or even me.
“Talk to me, Mason. Please.” I took him by the hand and lifted it to my heart. “Let me in.” I stared in amazement as a solitary tear streaked down his cheek. His eyes were rapidly filling, and I watched as he fought to clamp down hard on his emotions and push out a stoic expression.
“Don’t you dare try to hide yourself from me. Talk to me. Yell, rage and cry. Anything but shut me out!” I released his hand and placed my own on his chest. I could feel the violent pounding of his heart and the deep sobs that were churning inside. He was ready to explode and with what we were about to face, I knew he couldn’t afford to lose this battle.
Had I not been standing so close, I would’ve missed his whispered reply. “I’m a failure.”
The sound of despair and anguish was soul crushing and sent my mind reeling.
“What…?” I couldn’t even finish the sentence, the idea was so beyond my understanding. Here stood the most courageous man I’d ever been blessed to know. He was so selfless, putting everyone’s needs before his own, making himself available to help anyone who needed him. I’d seen a few Alphas up close during my life and none of them came close to the kind of integrity and honor Mason showed. He went far beyond, seeing his role as more than just a job, but a calling. He was fair, honest, and loyal to a fault. You couldn’t look at him and doubt he gave everything. How he thought he was a failure stumped me.
“I thought you accepted there was nothing more you could’ve done, that the true villain was Gary. Or was it just a line to calm me?” I asked, not caring I was throwing his words back at him.
Mason drew in a deep breath, as if trying to pull his thoughts from the air. “I’m just waiting for my heart to catch up, Darcy. That’s all.”
“Then we’ll talk about it. Tell me what’s happening here.” I gently tapped his chest again. “And don’t say “nothing” because this doesn’t feel like everything is fine.”
More tears began to stream down his cheeks, and he raised his fist to rub them away. “No, we need to get back and take care of business.” He put steel into his voice and went to move me, but I refused to budge.
“Oh no, you don’t. You wanted to talk so we’re not going anywhere until I know you’re okay.” I added a stern edge to my voice. “Don’t make me order you.”
He snorted loudly at that. “With what authority, Darcy? Last time I checked, I was the Alpha here.”
“The if-you-don’t-talk-you’ll-spend-an-eternity-sleeping-on-the-couch kind of authority, Your Royal Grouchy Pants.” I slapped his bare chest for emphasis. “Don’t be a jerk, you know what I mean.”
That earned me a small soft smile and it warmed me. “I can’t afford to go into this right now. We’ll deal with it later.” He moved again to pull me toward the house.
“No, we’ll deal now.” I dug my heels into the ground.
“Why are you being so stubborn about this, Darcy?” He demanded hotly, fire lighting in his eyes.
“Stubborn? Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?” I retorted, my hands resting on my hips to match my attitude. “You, Mister I-won’t-talk-about-it, are the epitome of stubbornness. Now spill.”
“No.”
“You did not just deny me.” My own temper began to rise.
“Please, Darcy, I know what you’re trying to do, but just let it be. I can’t.” The pleading in his voice pierced me and I avoided looking into his eyes.
“You can’t what? Confide in your mate? Explain why you think this is your fault? Share how you feel?” I threw my questions rapidly at him. “You asked me to trust you knew what we needed, and I did. You were right, so I’m asking the same. You need this now. Until you share the burden you’re holding onto, you’re going to be off balanced. Let me help you carry it. Trust me.”
“I can’t be weak!” he shouted and it sent a flurry of birds flying into the air as the words exploded from his mouth. “Damn it, Darcy. I have to go into that meeting soon and make decisions which heavily affect not just us, but the entire Pack, and you want me talking about my feelings?”
“How does that make you weak? Do you think people are going to think less of you because you grieve? You lost your sister, Mason. You almost lost me. If that’s not grounds to show a little vulnerability, I don’t know what else is. No one expects you to be perfect either.”
“They don’t?” he scoffed. “I have the constant attention of the power hungry, who look for the slightest chink in my armor so they can exploit it. I may rule this Pack, but there are always people willing to claw their way to the top. How am I supposed to keep you safe if I have to ward off challenges?”
“Now you’re starting to sound like me, and if I remember right, you told me all you ever expected was for me to be myself. I say take your own advice. Allow yourself at least a few moments to feel before you shut it all off. It’s not healthy. And answer me honestly, are you going to be able to keep focused when inside you’re divided? That hurt and pain you’re burying requires energy to stay that way. Wouldn’t it be better to release some of the pressure so you don’t feel so tightly wound.” I rested my ear to his chest, stroking him with my fingers. “It sounds intense in there, Mason-chaotic, and I need you to trust me now. Let some of it go if you can’t free all of it. Just do something because it’s killing me to see you like this.”
He thrummed under my touch, and I felt the subtle change in his body. He relaxed ever so slightly and then it seemed like he shattered. Choking sobs blasted out of him, and he dropped to the floor, holding his head in his hands as he wept.
I said nothing as I joined him, gathering him into my arms so I could shelter him. To be so strong for so long was a burden and I was honored at the trust he showed by revealing how devastated he was. I know I’d told him it was okay to be vulnerable, but I understood just how against the grain it was for him to be in this state. I feathered little kisses over the top of his head and held on tight.