Later, notwithstanding a couple of mix-ups, the two Assistants scrupulously followed instructions.
“Simultaneous vice versa and movement in space!” The Boss couldn’t have been happier.
“Who’s sleeping and who’s running? Sometimes it isn’t easy to tell them apart,” said Mister Kraus.
To put on bedroom slippers or running shoes. These were the two choices. The most astute politicians were the ones who until the moment they actually put on their bedroom slippers seemed, after all, to be in the midst of intense athletic preparations.
“The origin of this optical illusion,” murmured Mister Kraus, “can be called propaganda or myopia on the part of the observer.”
The Bridge
1
“This is the idea, Boss. We’ll build two bridges, side by side. Each of them will have traffic in a single direction. On one bridge cars will go there, on the other bridge cars will come here. What do you think? Side by side, with less than fifty meters’ distance between them. Close enough to wave from one bridge to the other. They will be like twin bridges. Two unprecedented bridges in Europe!”
And even in the world.
In the world!
The Boss shook his head and relied on a long silence. Then, in a grave voice, he said, “Before coming up with ingenious solutions, one must think about the money that will be spent. Because the money is not ours, it belongs to the people.”
“Very well, Boss.”
“Beautiful.”
“Therefore, instead of two bridges, I propose that only one bridge be built, with traffic in both directions,” said the Boss.
“Bravo! Excellent idea, Boss.”
“Impressive.”
“We’ll cut expenditure by half,” he added.
“By my sums, off the top of my head, exactly fifty percent,” agreed the Assistant.
“Bravo, Boss!”
“Now, it’s time to announce that we managed to reduce expenditure on this project by half. So that the people can see how zealous we are about public funds.”
“Very well.”
“I just think it’s a pity,” said the Boss, “that my excellent Assistants did not propose three bridges at the outset instead of two. If that had been the case, today we could have announced that expenditure had been reduced to one-third.”
“You’re right, Boss.”
“We failed!” murmured the Assistant, lowering his eyes, ashamed.
2
The following day, however, the Boss had changed his mind.
“For reasons that are part of my inner intellectual core, which I don’t think would be good manners to expose, I have decided that we are not going to build two bridges, nor one. We will build three bridges. Side by side. Or better: side by side by side. Each of them will have traffic in one direction only.”
“How far apart from each other?”
“The exact distance hasn’t yet been decided. I still have to do calculations. These decisions can’t be made before a certain … but I’m aiming at fifty meters. I like the number.”
The Assistant wrote it down in his notepad and underlined it: fifty meters!
“We will maintain the two bridges,” continued the Boss, “each bridge will only have one-way traffic — one in this direction, the other in that direction — and the third bridge will be optional. In the morning, when a large number of cars are entering the capital, the third bridge will only have traffic from the suburbs toward the capital. And, at the end of the day, the direction will be capital — suburbs.”
“Thus,” exclaimed one of the Assistants, trying to contain his emotion, “thus we will always have two bridges open in the direction that is necessary to handle a greater flow of traffic!”
“Exactly,” said the Boss.
“And we will be investing three times more in the modernization of our country than we would have invested with a single bridge!”
“Exactly!”
“And Boss …”
“Yes?”
“Boss!”
The Assistant’s lips were trembling with emotion.
“Boss, Boss!”
“What is it, man!”
“Building three bridges side by side is even more unprecedented than building two.”
“I hadn’t even thought of that.”
“It’s extraordinary!”
About the politicians’ penchant for putting forth numbers (or: about the importance of shoelaces), Mister Kraus said the following: “Any exact number flung at the eyes of an insecure and distracted population produces blindness.
“When they fling a number directly at our faces, we should pretend to be distracted, imitating certain comic actors from silent movies, and seize that exact moment to tie our shoelaces.
“When we finally straighten up again and raise our heads, the number will have already whizzed by, at a high speed, and will thus no longer affect our vision,” continued Mister Kraus.
“If we wait a while, we will even be able to hear the number smashing against a wall into various uneven fragments.
“With our vision intact, we will then be able to witness the lamentable spectacle of the incoherent ruins of what, mere instants ago, had seemed to be an exact, convincing and decisive number.”
Seated at the café, in his usual chair, Mister Kraus wrote some notes in his notebook.
About Political Speeches
One can’t be sure of the size of people’s feet from the size of their shoes.
There are two possibilities: either the feet are smaller than the shoes and the latter exaggerate the truth, or the feet are larger than the shoes and, thus sacrificed, the truth still remains hidden.
The Ineffectiveness of Vitamins
He thinks that vitamins will help infiltrate energy into his thoughts, but most therapeutic products are not creative; they do not invent anything: they merely reinforce preexisting qualities.
Punctuality
Some habits are never abandoned. A good politician will arrive late even for the inauguration of a clock.
Inaugurations
1
The Boss was nervous. He was walking from one side to the other.
“There is nothing to inaugurate, nothing! These men didn’t even make a single chair. There is nothing to inaugurate!”
“Not even a needle, Boss.”
“Not even a needle to inaugurate,” murmured the other Assistant. “Not even a tiny needle!”
“Not even one like this,” insisted the First Assistant, expressively putting his thumb and forefinger together. “Not even one like this! Like this!”
“Nothing!”
It was almost as though the two Assistants had been hypnotized by that monotonous discourse.
“Not even the eye of a needle has been done!”
“Nothing. Not even an eye of a needle.”
“Not even half a needle.”