“I’m sorry about last night,” she murmured.
“Don’t be.”
“I shouldn’t have run. It was stupid.”
“You were scared,” Frost said. “I get it.”
She got off the bed and stood in front of him. When she tilted her chin, their eyes met. He watched her swallow hard. “I guess you know that I like you. I’ve been pretty obvious about it.”
“I like you, too,” he said. “You’re sweet, and you’re special.”
She shook her head. “I never think of myself that way.”
“Well, you should. You don’t have to conquer the world to be a special person. You have a good heart. I knew that as soon as I met you.”
Lucy gave him a sad smile. “We’re talking about different things, though, huh? You don’t like me the way I like you.”
“If you mean romantically, then no. I’m sorry. I should have said something before now. I really do like you, Lucy. Being with you brings back a lot of memories for me. Memories of my sister.”
“Oh.”
“I know that’s not what you want to hear, but for me, it’s something really important.”
“Well, I never had a brother, so I don’t know what that’s like. I bet you were a good one to Katie.”
“We were very close when we weren’t driving each other crazy,” he told her, smiling.
“Is that why you look upset?” she asked. “Are you remembering Katie?”
“No, I’m upset because I’m worried about you. I want to make sure you stay safe.”
“I’m fine!” she assured him with a false lightness in her voice. She made a muscle with her bicep and giggled. “See? Me too strong for Night Bird.”
“This guy isn’t a joke, Lucy.”
“I know.”
“I wish you’d talk to Dr. Stein. Or another psychiatrist.”
“No. The last thing I want is someone else messing around in my head. Really, I’m okay.”
Frost thought she was trying to convince herself. He didn’t believe that she was fine, or that the Night Bird had failed, even if he didn’t know what had happened to her. He also knew that Lucy’s confidence was an act. Deep down, she was terrified.
He took her hand and led her to the apartment window. He pointed at a squad car parked outside on Haight behind his Suburban.
“That car’s not going anywhere,” Frost told her. “You’re going to have protection 24-7 until we find this guy.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Lucy told him.
“Yes, we do. If you want to go anywhere, talk to the cop in the car first, and she’ll go with you. Frankly, I’d feel better if you stayed home. And don’t put on any music or watch television, okay? I don’t want you taking any chances.”
Lucy stared at the floor and looked overwhelmed.
“Do you remember anything more from your missing day?” he asked her. “Did anything else come back to you?”
She shook her head, but her lip trembled. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so? That sounds like you do remember something. What is it?”
“I have this odd memory in my head. It’s a bridge. It’s nowhere I’ve ever been, but I remember it. I feel it. I’m in the middle of this awful gorge, and I can barely hold on. I would do anything to make it go away. I would die to make it stop.”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“This is what he does, Lucy,” Frost murmured. “He plays on your fears. He exploits the things that terrify you. Just tell yourself that it wasn’t real. It was an illusion.”
“How can I remember something that wasn’t real?” Lucy asked. “Because it feels like it actually happened. It’s in my head. If you asked me to swear on the Bible, I’d tell you that I’ve been on that bridge.”
“You can’t trust your memory,” Frost said. “Memories lie. Even the good ones don’t always tell the truth.”
“I just want this to be over.”
“Soon. It will be over soon.”
She reached her arms out to embrace him, but at that moment, he heard his phone ringing in his pocket. He checked his caller ID and saw Francesca Stein’s name. He glanced at Lucy, who gave him a broken smile and waved him away. He stood up and answered the call. “Dr. Stein?”
“Hello, Inspector.”
The cool maturity in the psychiatrist’s voice was such a contrast to the youth and innocence of Lucy Hagen. They were two very different women. He also noticed something strange. Lucy clapped her hands over her ears to block out the sound of Dr. Stein’s voice through his phone.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked Frankie. “Are you okay? You had me worried last night.”
“I’m fine, but I need to see you,” she replied. “The patient I’ve been protecting is a man named Todd Ferris. We need to find him right away.”
39
“That’s Darren Newman’s house,” Frankie told Frost.
The detective put down his binoculars, which were trained on a Victorian house on Oak Street, opposite the narrow strip of Panhandle Park. The house looked like one of the painted ladies snipped out of a postcard of Alamo Square. It was narrow, with a paisley design on its green-and-lilac trim and red steps leading up to the door. The roof featured a single gable with a bay window in the middle.
The park’s century-old eucalyptus trees towered over their heads and scattered dagger-shaped leaves across the green grass. It was early evening, and the dark clouds had turned to mist, making their faces damp. More rain was coming.
“Newman’s at home,” Frost said. “I can see him inside.”
“I haven’t seen Todd, but I’m sure he’s going to show up here sooner or later.”
“And he said he would kill Newman?” Frost asked.
“He did. That’s the only reason I can tell you about any of this, Inspector. Todd is on the brink. I don’t know what he’ll do. Although honestly, I’m more worried that Darren will do something to him when he realizes that Todd has figured out what’s going on.”
Moisture from the drizzle gave a wet shine to Frost’s hair and beard. He shifted the binoculars to the parked cars on Oak Street. He panned along the sidewalk and the park’s dense trees, but the spitting rain had driven everyone away. They were alone.
“No one else is watching the house,” he said.
“I saw Todd’s face. He was serious. He’ll be here.”
They waited silently. Traffic came and went behind them, kicking up spray. Frankie kept her eyes on the old Victorian, but in the wet and cold, her mind drifted to the cliffs of Point Reyes. When she thought about that last weekend with her father, she could see him clearly now, broken body below her on the rocks. Face looking up at her. Blood.
She could hear her own voice, too. “Stop!”
But nothing else. Her memory was a blank space.
She found herself resenting what Jason had done, even if she’d asked him to do it. She’d been there to witness her father’s last moments, and now that walk on the trail had been stripped from her brain.
This is what you do to everyone else, her mind whispered.
She’d never understood what her patients experienced when they lay on her chaise and stared at the images she’d made for them and responded to her subliminal suggestions. She’d never known what it felt like, afterward, to have part of your past stolen away. This was her chance to look through the other end of the microscope. She didn’t like what she saw.
“Are you okay?”
She realized Frost was staring at her, his forehead wrinkled with concern.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m not going to have another seizure, if that’s what you’re worried about.”