As always, it wandered straight to Tayend.
The scholar had been awkward and nervous around Dannyl since the mugging. Though Dannyl had tried to behave as if he hadn’t noticed anything unusual, it seemed this hadn’t convinced Tayend that his secret had remained undiscovered. The scholar believed that a magician, when Healing, would find some physical sign to betray his inclinations, and the only way Dannyl could reassure him that this wasn’t true was to tell Tayend he was wrong. That, of course, would reveal that Dannyl had learned the secret anyway.
Tayend feared that Dannyl would reject his friendship. It was a reasonable fear. Though Kyralians didn’t execute men for this “unacceptable” behavior as the Lonmar did, it was still considered wrong and unnatural. Men were punished by the removal of titles and by the man’s family being treated as if they were all tainted by association. If a family discovered one of their own had such unnatural tendencies, they sent him away to manage small estates or family interests.
Dannyl had heard of Guild magicians in the past who had been punished in this way. Though they weren’t expelled, they became outcasts in every other way. He had been told, during the troubles he faced as a novice, that if the rumors proved true he might not be allowed to graduate.
In all the years since, he had been careful to avoid drawing suspicion on himself again. In the past few days he had been struggling with the unsettling thought that, if Tayend’s preferences were well known in Elyne, it was inevitable that the court would be speculating about his own. The rumor from his past would only add fire to the gossip, and while such gossip might not be dangerous in Elyne, once it reached the Guild...
Dannyl shook his head. After spending several months travelling with Tayend, any damage to his reputation had already been done. To regain his reputation he ought to disassociate himself from Tayend as soon as they returned to Elyne. He ought to make it clear he had been appalled to discover his assistant was, as the Elyne put it, a “lad.”
Tayend will understand, a voice in the back of his mind said. Or will he? said another. What if he grows angry and tells Akkarin about Lorlen’s research?
No, the first replied. It would ruin his integrity as a scholar. And perhaps you can end this friendship kindly, without hurting his feelings.
Dannyl scowled down at his wineglass. Why did it always come to this? Tayend was a good companion, a man he liked and valued. Thinking of ending their friendship for fear of gossip reaching the Guild made him feel ashamed and angry. Surely he could enjoy the scholar’s company without endangering his reputation.
Let the gossips talk, he thought. I’ll not let them ruin another promising friendship.
But if the Guild heard, and was outraged enough to order him home...
No, they wouldn’t do something that dramatic on the strength of a mere rumor. They know what the Elyne court is like. They won’t act unless they hear something really damning.
And they won’t, Dannyl told himself. It was clear he would never escape this sort of speculation. So he would have to learn to live with it. Manage it. Perhaps even turn it to his advantage...
“You’re not planning to drink that bottle all by yourself, are you?”
Startled, Dannyl looked up to see Tayend standing at the door to the balcony.
“Of course not,” he replied.
“Good,” Tayend said. “Otherwise I’d look a fool carrying this around.” He held up an empty glass.
As Dannyl poured the wine Tayend stared at him, but looked quickly away as Dannyl met his eyes. The scholar moved to the railing and stared out over the sea.
It’s time, Dannyl decided. Time to tell him the truth, and that I’m not going to push him away. He took a deep breath.
“We have to talk,” Tayend said suddenly.
“Yes,” Dannyl agreed. He considered his words carefully. “I think I know why you wouldn’t let me Heal you.”
Tayend winced. “You said to me once that you understood how difficult it was for... for men like me.”
“But you said that men like you are accepted in Elyne.”
“They are, and they aren’t.” Tayend looked down at his glass, then drained it. He turned to face Dannyl. “At least we don’t disown people for it,” he said accusingly.
Dannyl grimaced. “As a nation, Kyralia isn’t known for tolerance. You know I’ve experienced that for myself. We aren’t all prejudiced, however.”
A frown creased Tayend’s brow. “I was going to be a magician, once. A cousin of mine tested me and found potential. They were going to send me to the Guild.” Tayend’s eyes misted over, and Dannyl saw longing in the scholar’s face, but then the scholar shook his head and sighed. “Then I heard about you and I realized that it didn’t matter whether the rumors were true or not. It was clear that I could never be a magician. The Guild would work out what I was and send me straight home.”
Dannyl suddenly felt a strange, dull anger. With his impressive memory and sharp intellect, Tayend would have been a fine magician. “So how did you avoid joining the Guild?”
“I told father I didn’t want to.” Tayend shrugged. “He didn’t suspect then. Later, when I began to associate with certain people, he decided he’d worked out my real reason. He believes I turned down the chance because I wanted to indulge myself in ways the Guild wouldn’t allow. He never understood that I wouldn’t be able to hide what I was.” Tayend looked down at his empty glass, then strode forward and picked up the bottle. Refilling his glass, he downed the wine quickly.
“Well,” he said, looking out over the ocean, “if it’s any consolation, I always knew the rumors about you couldn’t be true.”
Dannyl winced. “Why do you say that?”
“Well, if you were like me, and couldn’t help what you felt, then the Healers would find out, wouldn’t they?”
“Not necessarily.”
The scholar’s eyes widened. “Are you telling me...?”
“They sense the physical. That is all. If there is something in a man’s body that causes him to desire men, the Healers haven’t found it yet.”
“But I was told... I was told Healers can tell if there’s something wrong with someone.”
“They can.”
“So this... isn’t a wrongness or...” Tayend frowned and looked at Dannyl. “So how did you know about me?”
Dannyl smiled. “Your mind was shouting it so loud I could hardly ignore it. People with magical potential who don’t learn to use it often project their thoughts strongly.”
“Oh?” Tayend looked away, his face reddening. “How much did you... read?”
“Not much,” Dannyl assured him. “Mostly your fears. I didn’t continue listening. That’s not good manners.”
Tayend nodded. He thought for a moment, then his eyes widened. “You mean I could have joined the Guild!” He frowned. “But I’m not sure I would have liked it much.” Moving to the chair next to Dannyl’s, Tayend sat down. “Can I ask a personal question?”
“Yes.”
“What really happened between you and that novice?”
Dannyl sighed. “Nothing.” He glanced at Tayend and found the scholar watching him expectantly. “Very well. The whole story, then.
“I wasn’t popular. New novices often seek older ones to help with their studies, but I had trouble finding someone who’d agree to help me. I’d heard tales about one of the older boys, and that other novices avoided him because of these stories, but he was one of the best in his year and I decided to ignore the rumors. When he agreed to help me I was rather pleased with myself.” He shook his head. “But there was a novice in my class who hated me.”
“Lord Fergun?”
“Yes. We’d thrown insults and played tricks on each other since classes first started. He’d heard the tales about my helper, and they were all he needed to start new rumors. The next I knew I was being questioned by the Higher Magicians.”