“I am yours,” she said with her usual determination. “Forever.” She leaned into me and pressed her head against my chest. Then, almost to herself, “I wonder what mother will say?”
Chapter XVII
76 BCE — Summer, Rome Year of the consulship of Gnaeus Octavius and Gaius Scribonius Curio
“Ah, Alexander. Good, good. Ludovicus found you. Come in.”
It was the night of Livia’s birthday celebration. Long after the party had ended, she and I had been walking in the smallest of our gardens, lit by a three-quarter moon, holding hands, saying little, pretending the distant rumble of Rome’s commercial traffic was the sound of the sea at Cumae. A dozen runners had been sent to fetch me when I could not be found in my quarters but, Fortuna’s backside, it was the newly appointed (by me) battalion commander who stumbled upon us. Even had Ludovicus not seen our hands quickly separate, what else could an assignation at such a late hour signify? Sabina would know by dawn. In our familia, if she did not know already, then she would be the last.
I was twenty-nine, over six years in the service of Crassus; once I dreamed only of freedom, now my sleep had room enough for visions of Livia, no more. Gone were the sweat-stained hours of darkest night when I would lie awake and berate myself, mocking my decision to make the best of it as just another way of calling myself a coward. I was no coward. I was in love. And lovers are nothing if not brave.
I took a tentative step through the doorway as Tertulla complained, “Marcus, not again! It’s the middle of the night!”
“Forgive me, domina,” I said. Taking my mistress too literally, with eyes downcast I added, “I am afraid it is well past the sixth hour; it approaches the eighth.” It was the second time this month I had come to my masters’ bedroom at an hour when even the gods lay curled in sleep. Tertulla glared at me as I stepped gingerly into the room. After Ludovicus found us, we each dashed off in separate directions: he to the stables, I to set the house in motion, and Livia to the room she shared with her mother. Would she slip unnoticed to bed, or disturb her roommate’s slumber and face stern maternal interrogation? I could not help her now — momentous doings were afoot.
Glancing behind me, I jerked my head at the two men standing like statues in the hallway, motioning impatiently for them to enter. They hurried through the parted curtains holding two lamps aloft. Three more sleepy-looking attendants waited outside, each with two large leather bags slung over their shoulders. Every bag weighed almost twenty-five pounds.
Tertulla growled in exasperation. “Marcus?!” The blue ice chips of her eyes flashed, and in the warm light of the lamps her black curls glowed like spun obsidian.
“ Columba, it’s an adventure!” Crassus tried to kiss his wife, but she petulantly pushed his face away with a manicured hand. He grabbed it, found her forefinger and bit it. She replied by batting him over the head with a fringed cushion. This provoked a suppressed giggle from two of Tertulla’s attendants. I glared at them and their vapid silliness was replaced by a genuine and more appropriate alarm.
“Oh come now, Alexander,” said Crassus, “don’t let the night rob you of your sense of humor. What little there remains of it.”
“The night, or my sense of humor?”
“I want Livia,” Tertulla said. “I’m outnumbered, and I’ll wager her wit against the lot of you.”
I made eye contact with one of my men and off he went to fetch the owner of my heart. Crassus said, “Take your rest, dove, I promise I’ll be warming myself by your side in no more than an hour. Perhaps two.”
“Hah! You’ll be lucky to find me in the house. I think I’ll wake the boys and take them to visit their grandparents.”
“They won’t enjoy either one.”
A moment later Livia rushed in, barefoot in her dressing gown. “ Domina,” she said. We made eye contact; Livia rolled hers to the ceiling. That was it, then. Sabina knew.
Crassus jumped off the bed, clad only in his subligatum. Livia’s eyes sought the floor as he put a hand under her bowed chin. Tertulla’s favorite may have been a firebrand with anyone else in the house, but when it came to the master, she was well and truly cowed. “What’s this then? The birthday girl. Did you enjoy your party?”
“Yes, dominus. Very much, dominus. Thank you.”
“You are welcome,” he said, scrutinizing the top of her head, his own far too close for comfort.
“Livia, come to me,” Tertulla said. “These brutes want to take my husband from my bed.”
“My lady,” Livia said, her enunciation constrained by Crassus’ gentle grip on her jaw, “it would seem they have been successful. Dominus, my lady calls.”
Crassus raised Livia’s head to meet his gaze. Her eyes widened like a doe’s. “Does she indeed?” he said softly. “Then you must answer.” Abruptly, Crassus’ tone changed and in his deep, authoritative voice he said, “But first, answer me. Quickly now, whose side are you on?”
Livia’s eyes grew wider still, her face still held captive. “Surely, I am on the side where my master commands me to stand.” Crassus narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know, dominus. Yours?” she tried.
Crassus shook his head sadly and released her chin. Livia tossed her red hair from her eyes without moving her hands from her sides. The gesture had an air of defiance.
Crassus sat back down on the bed. “Well then, child, let me assist you. Attend me, and learn. When you are with your mistress, you are on her side. When you are with both of us together, you are also on her side. And when you are alone with me, whose side…?”
“ Domina’s, dominus?”
“That’s right, Livia, you always take the side of your domina.”
“See how well I have him trained?” said Tertulla.
“Like a Phrygian bear,” I said. “Dominus, must we not make haste?”
“Columba, see? My master calls. I must depart.”
“Go then!” Tertulla said melodramatically, a forum actress, “go, and do not return!” She threw her arm across her forehead. She was only twenty-four; young enough to be excused, perhaps.
“Alexander,” Crassus said, serious for a moment, “are you prepared? How much did you lay out?”
“The usual. Seventy-five thousand.”
“Too much. It’s always too much.” Crassus eyed Tertulla’s favorite. “Well, Livia, since Mercurius is obviously sleeping in a corner somewhere, would you mind doing the honors?” He opened his arms, palms outward to illustrate the state of his undress. Livia ran out of the room smiling. “Happy girl, that,” he said. “Why do you suppose that girl is so happy? Anyone? Alexander?” he asked pointedly.
My eyes took a turn at inspecting the floor. Crassus winked, and I exhaled. Then, with resignation he said, “Bring it all.”
Tertulla sat up and reached for the peplos thrown haphazardly over the edge of the lectus. As she drew it over her head, her pale nipples disappeared behind falling fabric. Her husband said, “Reminds me of lids closing over tired eyes. An apt analogy, considering the hour.”
She caught his look and said impishly, “You can have them now, and everything that goes with them, but not later.”
“Alas, business before pleasure.”
“Your business is your pleasure,” Tertulla said, pouting as she dropped back down on the bed.
Livia returned balancing a huge pile of clothing in her arms, using her chin to keep it all from falling. I said, “ Dominus will suffocate if he wears all of that.”
“I’m only following your example.”
“I beg your pardon,” I said.
“Did you not just bring to dominus more money than he will need, as a precaution?”
Crassus laughed as Tertulla clapped, “That’s my girl.”
“He’s not going to wear the money,” I muttered.
“Thank you, Livia,” Crassus said. “I prefer a large selection when I dress. You may go.” Livia raised her chin at me as she passed, a look of superiority more triumphant than the one she usually wore. As she reached the doorway Crassus added, “And try not to smile so much, dear. It is unbecoming of a slave.” A year or two earlier, my gut would have clenched to hear Crassus speak thusly, even in jest. Now, I felt only a pinch of sadness that even his words had lost their sting. We were what we were.