I thought of Nabeel and said to Buck, “Same with the Mideastern guys I talk to here.”
“Then you understand.” Buck continued, “The tribes. They make up the majority of the population, and they live mostly in the highlands in the north, though there are also tribes in the south. Some tribes are nomadic Bedouin, but most live in small settlements. Some tribesmen have emigrated to the towns and cities, but the individual retains his loyalty to his tribe.”
Sounds like Kate’s family.
Buck continued, “The tribes are led by sheiks or chieftains who are usually elected, but sometimes inherit the title.” He added, “We sometimes call these sheiks or chieftains warlords, though they may consider that a derogatory term.” He advised us, “If you should happen to meet one, address him as sheik.”
I had the feeling that Buck was giving us a mission briefing and that a sheik was in my future.
Buck went on, “The tribes distrust the central government, and they distrust one another, though they will form alliances of convenience, even with the government, but these are shifting alliances and it’s hard to keep score on who is allied with whom on any given day.”
Sounds like 26 Federal Plaza.
“The tribes have a primitive, pre-Islamic code of honor, and in many ways they are chivalrous. If you are their guest, whether by invitation, chance, or kidnapping, they will show you extreme hospitality. They have no particular animosity toward the West, but they’re not presently happy with the American officials in Yemen, who they see as propping up their government, which they hate.” He reminded us, “The friend of my enemy is my enemy. That said, if you should somehow wind up as guests of a tribe, you aren’t automatically dead. But don’t try to pass as innocent tourists. Be up-front about who you are. But be sure to criticize the government in Sana’a.”
“That’s easy.”
“And it may save your life.”
“That’s good.” I reminded him, however, “We’ll be working in Sana’a and Aden. No tribal lands on the agenda.”
He didn’t reply to that and said, “You’ll be briefed more fully on these subjects when you arrive.”
Kate asked, “What is the tribal attitude toward Al Qaeda?”
“Mostly negative,” replied Buck. “Al Qaeda doesn’t fit into the social or political matrix of tribal society. Neither did Marxism, obviously. The tribes are distrustful of all foreign ideologies, urban dwellers, intellectuals, politicians, and even Muslims who are not Yemeni. They like things the way they were two thousand years ago.”
“But they were all Jews then,” I reminded him.
He smiled and replied, “Don’t remind them.” He added, “Another thing to remember about the tribes is that they tend to be monarchists. They actually owe allegiance to and take orders from the exiled princes, sheiks, and sultans who live mostly in Saudi Arabia and who command the loyalty of different tribes. We, meaning the Foreign Office, are in contact with many of these Saudi princes and sultans and through them we can gain the assistance of certain tribal chieftains. In fact, if you do go into the tribal lands, you may be provided with letters from these exiled princes, sultans, and sheiks asking the tribal chieftain to give you safe passage or assistance.”
We seemed to have returned to this subject of us going into Indian Territory.
Kate asked, “Do these letters actually work?”
“Sometimes.”
And sometimes not. Like, hey, chief, I got a letter here from Sultan Salami asking you to help me out. Oh… that’s the next tribe? You don’t like Sultan Salami? He did what to your brother? Sorry. Which way to the next tribe?
This was moot anyway, because we weren’t going into the tribal regions. Or did Tom mention that we might do that?
Buck said, “The social and political situation in Yemen is complex beyond understanding-part feudal, part Islamic, and part modern dictatorship-and the Yemenis themselves are confused by shifting alliances and a central government that sends mixed signals to friends and foes alike. Their president, Ali Abdullah Saleh, has said, ‘Governing Yemen is like dancing with snakes,’ and I couldn’t have said it better. So you have some challenges ahead of you.”
“We love challenges,” I assured Buck.
“Good,” he said. “You’re going to the right place.”
I thought maybe the class was over, but Buck continued. “Khat. It’s cheap and plentiful. About ninety percent of the males chew khat. And almost eighty percent of the arable land is used for growing it, which has caused food shortages, water shortages, and widespread malnourishment-not to mention a population that is under the influence from about noon to bedtime.” Buck also said, “Part of the malnourishment is a result of khat being an appetite suppressant, which works well in a country with food shortages.”
Right. Not like pot, which gives you the munchies.
Buck continued, “Khat is an amphetamine-like stimulant that causes excitement and euphoria. Individuals become very talkative and may appear to be emotionally unstable.”
My last girlfriend must have been a khat chewer. Also, I hope that the ninety percent of the men who chew khat are not the same ninety percent who carry assault rifles. On the plus side, they probably couldn’t shoot straight. Right?
Buck said, “Khat can also induce manic behavior and hyperactivity.”
Maybe Tom Walsh chews khat. But I was thinking about khat as an appetite suppressant. I saw an opportunity here to make a fortune in lard-ass America. Amber waves of khat.
Kate asked, “Do women chew khat?”
Buck replied, “About half the women do. The other half get the work done.”
I was really getting excited about this. Lose thirty pounds in thirty days. Also good for alcoholics. Dry out, stay blitzed.
Buck continued, “Some people say khat is a mild aphrodisiac, or at least it makes people uninhibited, which may account for the high birthrate.”
Triple wow. Lose weight, get high, get laid. Does it get any better than this?
“Mr. Corey? I seem to have lost you.” He brandished his dagger playfully.
“Oh… sorry. I was just thinking about… any downside to khat?”
“I just told you. Loss of appetite, erratic behavior, plus it turns your teeth green.”
“How green?”
“Long-term use can cause male impotence.”
“Viagra.”
“And the withdrawal symptoms are very unpleasant.”
Why stop? Anyway, every drug has a few side effects, and that never stopped Big Pharma. Let’s focus on appetite suppressant. Thirty days, thirty pounds. America can be thin again.
Buck broke into my reverie and said to me, “I don’t know if you tried khat when you were there, but I warn both of you, khat has been the downfall of many a Westerner in Yemen.”
I observed, “But if you’re thinner, you make less of a target.”
He smiled, then got serious and said, “Khat will get you through a bad day in Yemen, but it will not get you through the year.”
“Day at a time.”
I had the thought that Buck must have been a good American diplomat-Arabic speaker, cross-dresser, khat chewer, culturally sensitive. I asked him, “What was your job with the embassy?”
He replied, “Cultural Affairs.”
Right. And I’m going there to gather evidence on the Cole bombing, and Kate is there to issue visas. We all lie like Yemenis.
The khat chat was finished, and Buck moved on to climate-sucks. Geography and topography-empty beaches, lethal deserts, dangerous tribal highlands. Health concerns-every disease known to man, plus some. Medical facilities-get evacuated to someplace else. Relations with neighboring Oman and Saudi Arabia-pretty bad. Boating on the Gulf of Aden or the Red Sea-pirates. Food-tastes good, but you might get sick. Local water-tastes bad and you will get sick. Security concerns-not much petty crime; just kidnapping and getting whacked. Tourist attractions-lots of good ones, but that’s where you’ll get kidnapped or whacked. Agriculture-eighty percent khat, twenty percent wasted on food. Manufacturing-incense, perfume, and AK-47 knockoffs. Entertainment-khat and kidnapping. Sports-soccer and shooting. Tourism-down slightly from none. Leisure activities-khat. Arts and crafts-daggers. Government-dysfunctional and oppressive, except where non-existent.