At that moment a fox barked with a sharp hoarse anguished sound very near to the house, and the front door opened abruptly and someone came in. Alex put a hand on her heart. It was Ruby. Ruby looked through the open door of the sitting-room, saw Alex and came quickly towards her with an arm outstretched. Alex shuddered and stepped back, then accepted the letter which Ruby was holding out. For a moment she had felt as if her old servant were about to strike her. The impression was so strong that she was not able to bring out the dismissive ‘thank you’. She said nothing. The big brown creature stared at her, then turned and marched out. She had failed to take her shoes off at the door. Alex, who had already recognized John Robert’s handwriting, sat down on the window seat below the painted shutter. The letter had evidently been delivered by hand. She tore it open.
Dear Mrs McCaffrey,
I have received the details from Mr Osmore and am in agreement with the conditions of the tenancy of the Slipper House. I will pay the rent quarterly by banker’s order as suggested. I should perhaps have explained to you that I do not propose to occupy the Slipper House myself, but require it as a temporary residence for my granddaughter Harriet Meynell and her maid. The young women will of course look after themselves and not disturb you, and can come and go by the back gate. I am grateful to you for this convenience. I will give due notice of closure of tenancy in accordance with the agreement. I am shortly returning to the USA and take this opportunity to thank you and to bid you goodbye.
Yours sincerely,
J. R. Rozanov
Alex crumpled up the letter and stuffed it into her pocket. She stared across the room at one of the wood engravings and noticed how the willow branches had made a face, a rounded head, something like her son George. She felt instant ravening hatred for the ‘young women’ who would spoil and desecrate the beautiful innocent house. She wondered if she could now refuse the tenancy. No, it was too late. George’s head tangled into the willows looked as if it were drowning. She went out into the hall and shook off her slippers into the slipper box and put on her shoes. All the lights could be turned out by switches at the door, and she turned them out. She went out of the house and closed the door and locked it. The church bells were silent, the wet grass was soaking her shoes, she felt an old anguish which had perhaps been hanging somewhere in the garden in a thought-cloud from the past, her sudden piercing obsessive jealous remorse when she had heard that Linda Brent was going to marry John Robert Rozanov. Love she could give to no one expanded painfully in her heart.
‘Sing to me.’
‘No.’
‘Oh come, oh come, Emmanuel!’
‘No.’
‘Are you going to see your singing teacher?’
‘I put him off.’
‘Again?’
‘Again. Are you going to see your mother?’
‘Don’t nag me!’
‘What’s the stuff in that bottle?’
‘Ennistone water.’
‘Christ, I put it in my whisky. What’s that noise?’
‘Owls. The wind. The night mail approaching Ennistone station. Did you sing at evensong?’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘What was it like?’
‘High. I saw the “servant” in church.’
‘Who?’
‘Your mother’s servant.’
‘Oh Ruby - did anyone talk to you?’
‘The priest followed me, he said good evening.’
‘He’s an odd bird. He meditates to jazz music. He used to be a wrestler.’
‘Why didn’t you come?’
‘It would create a sensation. Did you like St Paul’s as well as Meeting?’
‘Yes.’
‘Better?’
‘No.’
‘Good. What was it Adam said to you after Meeting?’
‘He told me that a hoverfly has thirty thousand brain cells and we have billions.’
‘Got to keep our spirits up somehow. What did you like about Meeting?’
‘The silence. The little dog. What Mr Eastcote said.’
‘Yes - he makes one feel purified, washed clean, whiter than snow.’
‘Does he?’
‘Don’t you feel like that after communion?’
‘I haven’t taken communion for years. I haven’t been to church for years.’
‘Why did you go this evening?’
‘Because of Mr Eastcote.’
‘There you are!’
‘How long does your feeling go on?’
‘What feeling?’
‘Whiter than snow.’
‘Oh most of the time. I feel unfallen. How does wickedness start? And don’t pretend you know!’
‘Of course I know. Your ignorance is exceptional.’
‘Well, I always knew I was exceptional. I’ve nearly finished our song.’
‘Our song?’
‘The one you’re going to write music for and make our fortune.’
‘I can’t write music.’
‘You said you could.’
‘You misunderstood me.’
‘Will you swim tomorrow?’
‘No.’
‘But you’ll come?’
‘I want to stare at the philosopher.’
‘Wasn’t it delightful the way we rolled at his feet.’
‘It doesn’t delight me to appear a perfect fool to someone I respect.’
‘Of course you’ve read some of his books.’
‘If I’d had a hat I would have taken it off with a conspicuous gesture.’
‘Well, you certainly fell at his feet.’
‘My glasses got bent.’
‘We’ll hang around and have a retake.’
‘And I want to stare at your brother.’
‘George? I’ve still got a bruise where he savaged me.’
‘You think it was hate. Why shouldn’t it be love?’
‘I take a simpler view of love.’
‘If I had a brother like George I’d do something about him.’
‘If you had a brother like George you’d know you couldn’t.’
‘I’d bloody try.’
‘He fascinates you. He fascinates a lot of people. The unfascinated ones throw up their hands.’
‘And what do you do?’
‘Oh I care for George, but he’s impossible, he systematically destroys all the little links with life that most people depend on.’
‘Did he try to drown his wife?’
‘No, that was just something that Brian said! Brian hates him.’
‘Where is she?’
‘No one knows, probably gone to Japan.’
‘Japan?’
‘Her father lives there. He hates George too.’
‘Why don’t you drink? You annoy me sitting there with nothing to do.’
‘Why don’t you sing? Sing Phil the Fluter’s Ball.’
‘Yah.’
‘Where’s all that wild gaiety and smiling eyes and warm humorous charm?’
‘Shut up.’
‘You’re just pretend Irish.’
‘All Irish are pretend Irish.’
You don’t know what to say, I know,
In a way you want to stay,
In a way you want to go.
You can’t make up your mind.
You want to go away
But not leave me behind.
Let’s sit together and see,
In the same room just quietly,
Don’t be in pain, don’t talk of doom,
Don’t catch that train just yet.
While you play out your game
I’ll always be the same,
Let’s wait and see. Just don’t forget,
It’s only me.
I want you but only forever,
I can’t settle for less you.
I want you but only forever,
I won’t press you,