“Apparently.”
“So coy.” She smiled again. “And as point of fact, the assassin has not defeated me. He’s merely hidden himself with some silly human charm. It took three years by your reckoning to find him before – without anyone having to betray him, even. So don’t think your refusal will actually save him. It only delays the inevitable.” She laughed. “And rest assured that when I find him without your help – and I will – you will not be granted a thousand boons. And not even his pathetic human magic will protect you.”
I waited for her to laugh again, or give me that infuriating mocking smile of hers, but she didn’t. She just stared at me with a calm, placid expression and I thought about how he’d refused to smile for me like kissing me was the worst thing that could happen. I thought about how I didn’t let myself think his wanting me was the result of a spell, how it didn’t even cross my mind when it should’ve.
I thought about how he made me stupid.
“You’re considering it,” she said. “I can see it in your eyes.”
“I ain’t considering nothing.” No, I’d been thinking about the manticore, and how dangerous everyone said that was, making a deal with her, and yet I’d managed to get away with my life intact.
I didn’t want to hand the world over to the Mists, but maybe I could still hand over Naji, and save the world myself.
The door to my room slammed open, and there stood Naji with his sword and pirate’s coat. He gave me a look so full of dismay it was like he could read my mind.
I jumped to my feet, heat rushing to my face.
Echo stiffened. She sniffed at the air, jerked her head around the room.
“I can smell him,” she hissed. She didn’t sound like nothing human. “He’s here.”
“No, he ain’t,” I said.
“Don’t lie to me!” She slid forward, growling and spitting. “I told you, Ananna, I’ve found him before and I’ll find him again.”
Naji streaked forward and sliced her clean in half with the sword. She dispersed into mist. The room was so cold my teeth chattered.
Naji sat on the edge of my bed, his eyes staring at the space where she had been. I wrapped my arms around my chest. Slowly, the cold leaked out, the warmth came back in.
“You were going to betray me,” Naji said.
“What!” My face got hot. “No, I wasn’t.” But the lie turned to ash in my mouth and I didn’t try to deny it again.
Naji looked up at me. I expected anger but his expression was flat and empty. “Yes, you were. I could… tell.”
“You could tell? How the hell could you tell?” I shook all over, staring at him. And then his voice was in my head.
Because we’re connected.
I shrieked and jumped back, slamming my hands over my ears. Naji’s mouth hadn’t moved. He hadn’t spoken. But I heard him.
I’d been hearing him, on and off, speaking when he wasn’t speaking. I’d caught glimpses of his feelings. Not all the time. Just little enough that I thought it was my imagination, that I thought I was feeling my own emotions.
“Do you understand what happened during the sea battle?” Naji asked.
“I got shot through the belly.” My voice trembled.
“Before that.”
I closed my eyes. My arms tingled where I’d sliced open my skin.
“Yes,” Naji said. “You gave me your blood. I tried to tell you…” His voice dropped, and I remembered. He was dying on the deck, choking out that my giving him blood would connect us. And I hadn’t understood, because we were already connected, because of the curse, because I loved him.
“When you gave me your blood,” he said. “That magic… it drew us together. It’s ack’mora, not northern magic like the curse.” He took a deep breath. “You wanting to betray me is like me wanting to betray myself. I had to fight… to fight from–”
“Stop,” I said, because I could hear the rest of that sentence echoing in my head. Fight from handing myself over to the Mists.
Naji leaned up against the bedpost like he was trying to catch his breath. He peered up at me through the tangle of his hair. I could hardly breathe: I kept thinking about the moments I felt warmth from him when he was with me. Happiness. Comfort.
“When you shared your blood, it created intimacy,” he said. “And the magic joined us together. It was like sex–”
His voice trailed off.
I glared at him, humiliated. “Wouldn’t know,” I snapped. “I figured the boon out before we let it get that far, remember?”
He stared at me, his mouth open like he wanted to say something. I could feel his thoughts, his emotions, crowding at the gates of my mind, but now that I knew what they were I shoved them away. I didn’t need him inside my head.
“That wasn’t my fault,” Naji said.
I turned away from him, still flush with embarrassment. He was right, of course, but I wasn’t gonna let him know that.
“Maybe you should leave.” I glanced at him over my shoulder. “I’m not sure I want to talk to you right now.”
“The boon wasn’t my fault,” Naji said. “But you were going to turn me over to the Otherworld. That was your choice.” He looked sad, even though his words slashed at me like they were full of rage. I wasn’t going to let him know I felt guilty about that, either.
“I was only thinking about it,” I said. “She raises some good points.”
His mouth hardened.
“I asked you to leave and you’re still here.”
He stood up. Grabbed his sword. But he didn’t leave. He came and stood real close to me. The exact opposite of leaving.
“They lie,” he said. “When they try to strike deals. You’ll be in thrall to them, if you help them, if you–”
“I ain’t gonna help ’em!” I shoved him away. “Get out of my room. And stay out of my head!”
“I’m not in your head,” he said. “You’ve blocked me.”
“Seems fair, given how I can’t get in your head.”
Naji gave me a long look. “Yes, you can,” he said. I knew he was right. “You’ve been doing it all this time. You just don’t seem to want to control it.”
Anger flashed white-hot behind my eyes. “Don’t tell me what I don’t want to do!” I swung my fist at him, sloppy with rage. He caught my arm, and at his touch I saw a flash of that night after the manticore’s feast, only it wasn’t me looking up Naji, it was Naji looking down at me, his thoughts flushed with desire and… and affection.
I yanked away from him.
“There,” he said. “You went inside my head.”
I turned away from him, sucking in deep breaths. That desire, that affection – that wasn’t from the boon. I felt it. It was from him.
“I know about the starstones,” Naji said. “I know about your conversation with Jeric yi Niru.” A pause. “I know you… worried.”
“Oh, shut up!” I jerked away from him. “I did not.”
Naji watched me.
“I have to try,” he went on. “With the starstones. I’ve been communicating with the Order. I have to try–”
“Of course you have to try,” I said. “It’s the only way I’m going to get rid of you.”
He recoiled, and something flashed across his face that I couldn’t identify. I didn’t bother peeking to see what it was; it might have been hurt. But then his eyes narrowed and he said, “You’re never going to get rid of me. Not as long as your blood flows through my veins.”
I scowled. “Get out of my room.”
“I’m only warning you.”
“Get out!”
“If you try to call down the Otherworld,” he said, his voice low and dangerous. “I’ll know. Don’t ever forget that.”
“For Kaol’s sake, Naji, I ain’t gonna call down the Otherworld. I just want you to leave me alone!” I whipped my knife at him without thinking. He slid away in a blink. The knife thrummed into the wall.
“That was unnecessary,” he said.
“Get out.”
He gave me one last hard cold look before melting into the shadows. I leaned up against the wall and dug the heels of my hand into my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing over my cheeks, and failing. I concentrated, trying to see if I could feel him hiding in the room, if I could slip into his thoughts the way I did earlier. But there was only emptiness, a blank space where he’d been.