‘. I have to mention something which pains my heart. I know how much distress this child must have caused you. Forgive him, my dear sister. Remember his age and how easy it is to make a child say anything you want, even something he does not understand. The day will come, I hope, when he will be the more conscious of the worth of your goodness and tenderness. “
The tears were blinding me and I could write no more, but later I would take up my pen and finish.
The time is almost upon me.
The cart will come for me. They will cut my hair; they will tie my hands behind my back; and I shall ride through the streets along the well-known route which so many of my friends of the old days have travelled . as Louis went before me, through streets where I once rode in my carriage drawn by white horses, where Monsieur de Brissac had told me two hundred thousand Frenchmen were in love with me . through the Rue Saint Honore where Madame Berlin might be watching, to the Place de la Revolution and the monster guillotine.
They will shout at me as they have so many times before, and I shall be thinking of my life as I ride. I shall not see the streets with those shouting gesticulating crowds all calling for my blood. I shall think of Louis gone. before me, of Axel, grieving somewhere . Oh but do not mourn too bitterly, my love, for I shall be past my pains. I shall be thinking of my boy and praying that he will not suffer too great a remorse. My darling . it is nothing. I forgive you . you did not know what you said.
So now I wait and pray that during this last ride I shall be a true daughter of my mother. I shall face death with the courage she would have wished.
There is no time to write more. They are coming.
A great calm has descended on me. There is one thing of which I am certain. The worst is over; I have suffered the greatest pain. What remains is the last sharp stroke which will bring deliverance.
I am ready. And I am not afraid. It is to live that requires courage—not to die.
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