I was so bored by this performance that I kept yawning, and I knew that I was being closely watched, so I wondered in alarm whether my conduct would be reported to my mother. I was sure it would be.
I went to bed with my husband and it was exactly the same as the night before only this time I did not lie awake, being too tired out from the previous wakeful night and the boredom of Perseus.
When I awoke I was alone in the bed. I learned that my husband had risen as soon as it was light to go hunting. Everyone knew this and thought it strange that he should prefer to hunt rather than be with me since we were so newly married.
When he came home from hunting he spoke to me, and as he did so so rarely I remember his words and the tone in which he spoke them.
It was simply and coolly: “Have you slept well I answered: Yes.”
Then he gave me a brief half-smile and turned away.
The Abbe Vermond, who was with me, looked very grave, so I picked up one of the two little dogs which had been given to me on my arrival in France and started to play with him; but when I heard the Abbe murmur “It wrings my heart!” I could no longer doubt that there was something very wrong. I, whom everyone had said was so pretty and dainty, had failed to attract the Dauphin. He could not love me.
Comte Florimond Claude de Mercy-Argenteau came to see me and asked a great many embarrassing questions. Ever since I had left my mother he had been hovering about me. My mother had said I was to trust him in everything, that I was to listen to his advice, that he would be the bridge which kept us together. I was sure she was right, but he was so old and stem a small man, rather bent, and I was sure very clever; but I was uneasy to be so obviously spied on,” for one never really likes spies however worthy and for whatever cause they spy.
He was Belgian, coming from Liege, and he seemed to have something akin to the French; but he was entirely my mother’s servant. His one thought, I am sure, was to carry out the mission she had set for him, and I was all the more uneasy because I was fully aware of his efficiency. He had worked under Kaunhz and I believed I might just as well have had the latter at my elbow continually as Mercy was to be. during the next years.
He asked questions in a roundabout way, but I knew exactly what he was trying to discover; he wanted to know what had taken place in the bed which I shared with my husband when we had been left to ourselves.
I told him that I believed my husband was indifferent to me. He did not touch me; he seemed to want to sleep as soon as he was in bed; and this morning he had risen long before I was awake to go hunting.
“You will be thinking that this is strange behaviour for a bridegroom,” he said gravely.
I agreed that I did although I was not sure what I should have expected from a husband.
“I have studied medicine,” he went on, ‘and I believe the Dauphin’s development to be late because his constitution has been weakened by his sudden and rapid growth. “
So that was it! I had not liked the Due de la Vauguyon, who had been my husband’s tutor and who, I had noticed, had great influence with him. Without thinking, I burst out:
“My husband’s timidity and coldness is due to the kind of education he has received. I am sure the Dauphin has a good disposition, but I believe Monsieur de la Vauguyon has led him by habit and fear….”
I stopped. I was trying to find a reason for my husband’s coolness towards me other than the fact that I did not appeal to him.
Mercy looked at me coldly. He had a penetrating stare which made me uncomfortable.
“I am sure the Empress will be most uneasy when she knows of this state of affairs. I will tell her that it is early yet and I will give her my opinion of what ails the Dauphin.”
I pictured my mother at home in Schonbrunn, and shivered, for she had the power to overawe me even at that distance. I knew I was failing her, for she would be waiting to hear news of my pregnancy as soon as possible. Yet how could I become pregnant when my husband ignored me I Mercy changed the subject and told me that I must be more discreet in my behaviour towards the King. Did I not feel that I was being too free and easy? I replied that there was no doubt that the King liked me. He was not cold. He had said that he loved me from the moment I came, that the whole family was enchanted with me.
Mercy replied: I will tell you that the King of France has written to your mother.
“I find the Dauphine lively, though very cb’lth But she is young and doubtless will grow out of this” “
I felt my face flush scarlet. I did blush easily. So . he had said that after all the charming things he had whispered to me, all the caresses, all the compliments!
Mercy smiled at my discomfiture, and the implication was that it was good for me to feel foolish for it was the only way in which I could learn the lessons which it was so important for me to master.
He left me depressed. My husband did not like me; nor did the King;
the only difference was that one made a secret of his true feelings and the other did not.
I had a great deal to learn.
The aunts had been kind to me; they had implied they wanted to be my friends, so when I had an invitation to visit Madame Adelaide during that day I gladly accepted it.
When I reached her apartment she embraced me warmly;
then she held me at arms’ length and said: “Berry’s wife !’ and went off into titters of laughter. She said: ” I will summon Victoire, whose apartments adjoin these; she will send for Sophie and we will have a cosy party . the four of us, eh? “
I noticed a young woman sitting at a small table, a book before her. I smiled at her. I thought her extremely dowdy yet I took an immediate liking to her. Seeing herself noticed she immediately rose and dropped a curtsy, flushing a little.
“This is our lectrice Jeanne Louise Hendette Genet,” said Madame Adelaide.
“She is a good reader and we are pleased with her.”
I told her to sit down, and realised immediately that perhaps I was wrong either to speak to her or to give that permission. I should never straighten out this complicated etiquette. At least at the moment Adelaide was friendly enough to overlook it. Victoire arrived.
“Did you ring for Sophie?” asked Adelaide.
“Yes, before leaving,” her sister replied.
Adelaide bowed her head. Then she turned haughtily to the young lectrice and told her that she had permission to retire; the young woman slipped out as quietly as a mouse in fact she reminded me of a mouse, small, grey and timid.
But I had no time to think of her, for Sophie had arrived.
“Berry’s wife is here,” said Adelaide, and Sophie forced herself to look at me. I smiled, and going to her, kissed her. I hated doing it, because she was so ugly; she did not return my kiss but stood with her hands hanging down at her sides and her gaze turned away from me.
Adelaide laughed a loud braying laugh and said she thought they might sit, although in the presence of the Dauphine; at which I laughed;
then Adelaide laughed; Vie to ire looked at her sister and joined in; and when Adelaide nudged Sophie she laughed too. It was rather horrible laughter and in view of what Mercy had told me of the King of France I felt uneasy.
“So,” said Adelaide, ‘you arc Berry’s wife. A strange boy, Berry. ” She nodded her head and watched her sisters, who nodded with her and tried to ape her expression—poor Sophie always coming in late.