Our mother came to the schoolroom and talked to her very severely.
You are no longer a child she said, ‘and I have heard ( that you have been very bad-tempered. ” :
I wanted to explain that Caroline was only bad-tempered because she was frightened; but it was impossible to explain to my mother.
Then she looked at me and went on: “I am going to separate you from Antoinette. You spend your time in stupid chattering and there is to be no more of this useless gossip. It will stop at once. I warn you that you will be watched, and you, Caroline, as the elder, will be held responsible.”
Then my mother dismissed me and kept Caroline there to lecture her further on how she should behave.
I went away with a heavy heart. I should miss Caroline so much.
Strangely enough I did not think of my own fate. France was too far off to be real, and I had perfected my natural inclination to forget what it was not pleasant to remember.
Caroline left at last pale-faced, silent and not in the least like my gay little sister. Joseph accompanied her and I believe he was quite sorry for her; there was something good about Joseph although he was so haughty and pompous.
There was trouble with another of my sisters, but this seemed more remote, for Maria Amalia was nine years older than I was. Caroline and I had known for a long time that she was in love with a young man of the Court, Prince Zweibriicken, and hoped that she would be able to marry him, which was perhaps foolish of her, for she should have known that we had to marry Heads of States for the good of Austria. But Maria Amalia was like me in that she was apt to believe what she wanted to, so she went on believing that she would be allowed to marry Prince Zweibriicken.
Caroline’s fears were fully realised. She was very unhappy in Naples and wrote home that her husband was very ugly, but because she remembered what my mother had told her she tried to be brave, and added that she was growing quite accustomed to him. She wrote to Countess von Lerchenfeld, who helped Aja as governess:
“One suffers martyrdom, and it is all the greater because one must pretend to be happy. How I pity Antoinette who has to face this. I would rather die than suffer it again. But for my religion I should have killed myself rather than live as I did for eight days. It was like hell and I wished to die. When my little sister has to face this I shall weep for. her.”
The Countess had not wanted to show me this, but I begged and pleaded and she gave way as she always did; and when I read it I wished I hadn’t. Was it really so bad? My sister-in-law Isabella had talked about killing herself. I, who loved life so much, could not understand this attitude; yet it seemed strange that those two who had had so much more experience of life than I should both have talked like that.
I thought about Caroline’s letter for some hours and then it slipped to the back of my mind and I forgot it perhaps because my mother was now turning her attention more and more on me.
She came to the schoolroom to investigate my progress and was horrified when she realised how little I knew. My handwriting was untidy and laborious. As for speaking French, I was hopeless, although I could chatter in Italian; but I could not write even German really grammatically.
My mother was not angry with me; she was merely pained. She drew me to her, held me in the crook of her arm and explained to me about the great honour which might be done to me. It would be the most wonderful thing in the world if this plan which Prince von Kaunitz here in Vienna and the Due de Choiseui in France were trying to work out could come to fruition. It was the first time I had heard the Due de Choiseul’s name mentioned and I asked my mother who he was. She told me that he was a brilliant statesman, adviser to the King of France and, most important of all, A Friend to Austria. So much depended on him and we must do nothing to offend him. What he would say if he knew what a little ignoramus I was, she could not imagine. The whole plan would prob ably founder.
She looked at me so severely that I was momentarily down cast. It seemed such a great responsibility; then I felt my mouth turning up at the corners because I could not believe I was all that important. And as I laughed I saw that my mother was trying not to smile, so I put my arms about her neck and said I was sure Monsieur de Choiseui would not mind very much that I was not clever.
She held me tightly against her, and then, putting me from her, looked severe again. She told me about the mighty Sun King who had built
Versailles which, she said, was the greatest palace in the world, and die French Court was the moat cultured and elegant, and that I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a chance of going there. I listened for a while to her accounts of the wonderful gar dens and the beautiful salons which were far more splendid than anything we had in Vienna, but soon, although I was nodding and smiling, I was not really listening.
I suddenly realised that she was saying my governesses were not suitable and I must have other teachers. She wanted me, in a few months’ time, to be talking in French, thinking in French, so that it would be as though I were French.
“But never forget that you are a good German.”
I nodded, smiling.
But you must speak good French. Monsieur de Choiseui writes that the King of France has a very sensitive ear for the French language, and that you should have an accent of grace and purity which will not offend aim. You under stand? “
Yes, Mamma. “
“So you will have to work very very hard.”
“Oh yes. Mamma.”
“Antoinette, are you listening?”
“Oh yes. Mamma.” I smiled widely to show her I was taking in every word and giving it serious consideration at least as serious as I was able to manage. She sighed. I knew she was concerned for me, but she was for less severe with me than she had been with Caroline.
‘now there is a theatrical company in Vienna a FmicA theatrical company, and I have commanded that two actors shall come here and teach you to speak French as they do at the French Court, and French manners and customs. “
“Actors I’ I cried ecstatically, thinking of the fun we used to have during winters in the Hofburg when my elder brothers and sisters acted plays and danced ballets and sang in opera. Caroline, Ferdinand, Max and I were only allowed to watch, being, as our elder sisters and brothers told us, too young to take part. But how I had longed to!
When I had a chance I would leap on to the stage and dance, until they
turned me off with the constant cry of: “Go away, Antonia. You are too young to play in this. You must watch.” If it was a play or a ballet I could scarcely stop myself from joining in, in spite of them. I loved dancing more than anything. So when my mother told me actors were coming I was excited.
They are not here to play with you, Antoinette,” she said severely.
“They will be here to teach you French. You j must study hard.
Monsieur Aufresne will advise you on your pronunciation and Monsieur Sainville will take you in French singing. “
“Yes, Mamma.” My mind was far away on the amateur stages when Maria Christina was so angry because she was not the heroine of the play, or Maria Amalia was watching the Prince Zweibriicken all the time she was saying her lines; and Max and I were Jumping up and down in our seats with excitement.
“And Monsieur Noverre will come to teach you to dance
Oh . Mamma! “
“You have never heard of Monsieur Noverre, but he is the finest dancing master in Europe.”
“I shall love him I’ I cried.
“You must not be so impulsive, my child. Think before you speak. One does not love a dancing master. But you should be grateful that you have the finest teacher in Europe and you must follow his instructions That was a happy time. It helped me to stop thinking of poor Caroline in Naples and that other family crisis when Maria Amalia was sent off to Parma to marry Isabella’s brother. She was twenty-three and he was only a boy not much more than fourteen and Maria Amalia had to say goodbye to the Prince Zweibriicken. She was not meek like Caroline; she stormed and raged, and I thought she was going to do what no one had dared do before defy my mother. But she went, because it was good for Austria, and we continued our alliance with Parma, so stormy Maria Amalia had this little boy for a husband while Caroline who was only fifteen had the old man from Naples.